We're raising a defiant abstract artist right here. 😂😂😂 #AminaMariam

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O ano Ai, may napala ka sa kakaaral mo ng geometric theories and postulates nung highschool? Nag-summer class ka pa dahil jan. Hahaha! 😂🕘#broughtmebacktoSTCdays #provethatthesetwolinesareparallel #provethatthisisanacuteangle #number1isgiven #hanggangGivenlangangsagotko #SirMagno #MaamAman #iloveSTC #tatakSTC

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#TheBookStopPH #AminaMariam

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Yam's Thanksgiving Merienda

My firstborn, Yamyam, turned two years old last week. Good thing it was a holiday on her actual birthday (August 21) because there was a typhoon and my little girl was having a high-grade fever. My husband was also slumped in bed with fever and chills. It was a horrible day for me. Thank God for our little Amreen who's being a ray of sunshine for her stressed mom. Lol! 

Jabar and I are resolved to not celebrating birthdays with a huge party. We were not raised that way but the society we live in, especially among us Meranaos, adapted to the Western influence of putting up birthday parties. Last year, when Yamyam turned a year old, we brought her to Ocean Park Manila and had a sumptuous dinner with my siblings. A simple gesture of gratitude to The Maker who gave us the gift of a beautiful child. 

Amina Mariam.

As our family is embattled by the ongoing Marawi siege, and after both kids and husband had bouts of viral infection, I feel I am more compelled to give a thanksgiving merienda to be grateful for everything we are blessed with in spite of the crisis we are going through. It was nothing grand. The husband and I grabbed layers of pizza and a bucket of chicken and a dedication cake to share with our DFA-DCC family whose presence in our lives is a major blessing itself.

As the "party" was about to start, the husband was called for a meeting. Hence his absence in this photo. 

Jabar and I grew up in big families where playing outdoors with our cousins and neighbors was a major part of growing up. We were never brought to playhouses (we don't have that in the 90's, I guess) or in curated parks (there was none in Marawi, haha). We used to head out of our house and climb trees and play kanggagalawanga, patintero, batir-lata and everything that involves running and shouting. Haha! Jabar and I had beautiful childhood memories in Taraka and Marawi, respectively. This time, we live in the part of the metro that is quite inaccessible to an open space where our children can play and just be kids. Hello, Manila don't have parks save for Luneta and the La Mesa Ecopark in Farview! We don't live close to our families either whose children they can play with. We're quite isolated and I don't allow my children to play gadgets or watch TV all day long. Considering how play being a major part of a child's growth and development, I feel sad for them having no one to play with. That's where the DFA-Day Care Center saved us. I am so grateful that my husband's office have this facility for their kids! 

Twinning dress c/o their Babu Nasheba. 

Jabar used to bring Yamyam in the DCC once a week. Now that Amreen is quite big enough to play with the other kids, we're bringing her too! Yes, I go with them three times a week which means going to the office is now a family affair! Haha! Alhamdulillah. We are eternally grateful to the teachers and to the teacher aides for being very accommodating and welcoming. Even my children's yaya looks forward to going to DFA every other day since she has also formed a friendship with the other yayas.  

Teacher Coleen and the kids.

The birthday girl was bugnutin on that day. Her unusual self.

Teacher Faye and the kids about to sing a birthday song to Yamyam.

It was a very simple merienda to give thanks and as a reminder that we should always count our blessings and to choose to look at the brighter side of every situation. In spite of everything, I am so blessed to have my daughters and my husband beside me. We are grateful for our good health and for the beautiful people surrounding us. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. 

Happy 2nd birthday, my love! 

Language and liberty. #Meranao #speakyourlingo #maongangun

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#AmreenNurlailah is 8 months old today. Alhamdulillah ❤️

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Got my diploma after obtaining my masters 3 years ago. Lol! Something to remind myself of my worth whenever I wallow into the dark deep abyss of self-pity. 😝 Char. #MDnaMPMpa #whatsnext #anona

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On Parenting

My eldest, Yamyam (Amina Mariam), is turning two years old in few days which means it’s been two years since Jabar and I became parents! The fun part is becoming parents to TWO KIDS in a span of TWO YEARS! Hahahaha! No guys, I’m way too far from being an expert in this parenting business but I’m going to share with you bits of what I’ve learned as a Mom.

Yamyam playing with stones

  

1.)  Each child has a unique pace of development

You know how when you’re pregnant for the first time and you download all the apps that tracks your baby’s development? We’re so excited, right? When the baby is still in the tummy, I think it’s alright to keep track every single minute that your baby is growing his ears or opening his eyes, etc. But when he’s already out in this world, there’s a certain age range for him to achieve his developmental milestones. So don’t fret when he’s not yet rolling over at 4 months, or not yet sitting on his own at 8 months. Your baby’s just finding his perfect time and eventually he’ll get there.  

      2.) There’s no manual for parenting

I wish there’s one so we can just follow the steps especially on the troubleshooting part aka tantrums, unfortunately, there’s none. All the parenting articles out there or even books and apps are merely GUIDES. I believe the key is to not compare your child to other kids and even yourself to other parents. You may have breastfed your child while others may not have for some valid reasons. Baby-led weaning may have worked for them but not in your household. Others may have raised their children in a Montessori environment but unfortunately for you, you don’t have that kind of environment. THAT’S PERFECTLY FINE. Do what works for you and for your family.

Amreen at 4 months old

3.)  Kids do not need fancy stuff

We, parents, want the best for our children. However, what is deemed best may be quite expensive. There was an instance when I bought a quite pricey toy because apparently, it is good for an infant’s sensory and visual development, a perfect teething aide and it garnered excellent reviews and even endorsed by celebrities! But when I got home and so excited for my little daughter to play with it, she threw it and didn’t even like getting a grip of it! Ugh. See? Most often than not, we buy stuff for our own satisfaction, stuff that our kids barely need in actuality. Whenever I am in the kids’ section, I always ask myself: am I buying this for my baby, or for my own satisfaction because it is Instagram-worthy? *rolls eyes at myself*

4.) Every child is different

As well as every pregnancy. Yes. When I was pregnant with my second child, I was expecting the exact same experience as with my firstborn. I was even expecting them to look exactly the same! Hahaha! Oh boy was I wrong. I have now two daughters who are completely different from each other, and in some ways, raised differently. Yamyam was delivered normally but was only breastfed for two months while Amreen was delivered via CS (she was a breech baby!) but exclusively breastfed until as of writing time. Yamyam is mini-Jabar while Amreen is mini-me (although a lot of people still says that she looks more like her father. Ugh. No way, I insist she looks like me guys!). Yamyam is the rowdy one while Amreen is more quite and lady-like (yes, I can say that even though she’s only 8 months old. Lol!). I hate comparing them two, or even hearing other people comparing them, because they are two unique individuals. Children can be raised in a single household by the same parents but they’ll eventually grow up with different inclinations, wants and needs.

Yamyam enjoying a book at the day care

5.) Be in the moment, they’re not going to be the way they are now forever

Several months ago, I deleted my Twitter app on my phone followed by my Facebook app. Being detached from social media and all the negativities it brings gave me more time to be mentally present with my kids. I got to observe their little nuances and even the arrangement of the pores on their skin. As I was scanning through Yamyam’s infant photos, I felt a little nostalgic. It wasn’t too long ago (that was just last year!) when I was holding her in my arms swaying her around until she falls asleep. I don’t do that to her anymore and most of the time she doesn’t want to be carried any longer. She even pushes me because she wants to run, run, and run around. Aaaawww… so I cherish every single second that Amreen wants to be carried by me especially when she yearns for my breasts to be able to sleep. The time will come that, just like her sister, she won’t be breastfeeding anymore and won’t be needing me as much as she does now.  

6.) They’ll eventually learn to be independent

There were moments before that I thought I should have practiced baby-led weaning for Yamyam so it would be effortless on my part to feed her. I find it so difficult to spoon feed a child who refuses to eat! There’s too much drama and stress. Until two months ago, I realized that she refuses to eat because she wants to hold the spoon by herself! She wants to eat alone and drink from her glass of water without needing much assistance from me! Oh my child, how you’ve grown. So moms, don’t stress out when your baby seems over clingy. You’ll be surprised one day they do their own things alone.

7.) Subsequent babies are easier to handle than the first ones

Of course because we already know the drill. Besides, I want to believe that we’re correcting our mistakes this time around so we’re doing things better than what we did with our firstborn. With our second babies (and the succeeding ones), we become less of a worrywart. We know that it’s ok if they lose their balance and hit the floor while trying to master the art of walking, we don’t get cyanotic first when our babies gag on their first few solid food intake, and yes, your baby is completely fine if he gets bitten by mosquitoes once in a while or accidentally sustained an abrasion on his knees. It’s not always your fault, Moms, it’s just your kids being kids!

If you’re the kind of Mom who fret at every little thing concerning your children’s upbringing, well, you’re not alone but first, chillax. Breathe. Tantrums will eventually cease and your children will grow and you will miss them. Always remember to be in the moment. Play with them, laugh with them, shower them daily with lots of hugs and kisses. Give yourself some me-time, pamper yourself, eat good food and be healthy. What really matters is our family’s happiness and saving our own sanity. I hope some points here did help and may we raise our children gracefully and lovingly. Have a great day, Mommies! 

I've had too much drama concerning breastfeeding both kids. So glad that #AmreenNurlailah and I lasted almost 8 months long and hopefully longer. Exclusive breastfeeding entails a lot of sacrifice but it is much worth it. Alhamdulillah for the God-given nourishment. 👶🏻🍼 #breastisbest #AugustIsBreastfeedingMonth

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N

We received the saddest news yesterday. The news we've been dreading since the siege commenced. As the war stretches on, all our hopes are thinning out.
We lost her to false ideology.
My heart is crumbling to pieces.
How?
Why?
Who am I to judge her intentions?
She's always been a very good person to me and to everyone around her. Well-loved by many. Her soft voice and laughters.
Her beautiful face.
Such gentle soul.
Her memory will live forever and will forever leave a scar in our hearts.
Nobody's coming home yet.
There's no point in coming home.
We have no home.
She won't be with us forever.
May Allah forgive her and grant her jannah.
May we meet again in jannah.
Ameen.

#AminaMariam and friends. 👧🏻👦🏻👧🏻👦🏻👦🏻👧🏻💕

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Thoughts On The Marawi Siege

Can you imagine the place where you were born and raised reduced to rubble and ashes?

Photo courtesy of Najib Zacaria (Facebook)

I can’t. Never in a million years. But, it happened.

Two months ago, our city was attacked by young men claiming to purge Marawi from the heavy burden of major sins it carries and ultimately let Islam, their definition of Islam, rule the city. Chaos ensued. The high and mighty Meranaos left their turf and found themselves in evacuation centers or in houses of relatives in the nearby cities of Iligan and Cagayan de Oro. The government forces started to bomb the city to get rid of the terrorists. Airstrikes and bombings continue to rain as of writing time. It is unfathomable.

Photos courtesy of Marawi City Pulse (Facebook Page)

A divine punishment?

I have long been anticipating an end to the madness of the unruly Meranaos. I was guessing of a major calamity to hit like the one I saw at Leyte (typhoon Yolanda) or at Davao Oriental (typhoon Pablo). Just like anything in life, Allah’s plans are unpredictable and way beyond our imaginations. Any Meranao who have observed other cities in comparison to ours will definitely agree on one thing: ours is regressing to anarchy. I do not want to highlight here all the bad stuff going on my beloved city before the siege happened but in a nutshell, major corruption and abuses from the grassroots to the top is undeniable.

What are they fighting for?

The perpetrators of the attack were young idealistic group of young Meranao men who were disappointed by the society, significantly by our leaders and the people who are following them blindly. Knowing that Islam is perfect and is the only solution, they wanted to truly raise Islamic law (shari’ah) in the “Islamic City” of Marawi. However forcibly and violently, out of the teachings of Allah (swt) in the Holy Qur’an and of the Prophet Mohammad (saw) in his hadith (traditions). As the siege continues, the story slowly unfolded. The attackers were not only composed of Meranaos (Maute Group) but they were joined by Tausug bandits (Abu Sayyaf) and even foreign-based terrorists under the flag of ISIS. Several conspiracy theories even rolled out, that President Duterte has his hands on this in order to declare Martial Law in the island of Mindanao as his only way to capture big time drug lords who are hiding in Marawi and in the mountains of Lanao del Sur.

I strongly disagree with the attackers' extremist ideology, that is not the Islam I was taught of. The Islam which taught me to be merciful and forgiving of other people even to those who do not share the same faith with me, the Islam which taught me patience and respect, the Islam which taught me to be gentle and loving. I do not understand which part of the Qur'an or which hadith they are fighting for. Who misled these people? Who planted hatred in their hearts? Why are they so full of it? Jihad? Is it not that the major jihad that every Muslim must fight is his own ego? His own evil? They're spreading evil and mischief and yet they do not know it. They're the hypocrites that Allah (swt) has mentioned in Surah al-Baqarah. 

"And when it is said to them, 'do not cause corruption on earth', they say, 'we are but reformers."

 "Unquestionably, it is they who are corrupters, but they perceive it not." (Holy Qur'an. Surah Al-Baqarah, 11-12)

The fall of the Meranaos.

Today is the 76^th day of the siege, 76^th day of our nightmare and it seems that the end is not about to happen soon. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that my own family are internally displaced people now. My aunts and my 80+ y/o grandma left our ancestral home in Lilod Madaya on the 4^th day of the attack, they put Ina on her wheelchair and hiked from Lilod crossing Mapandi bridge up to Old Capitol and down to Emi (almost 6-8km) where a car was waiting for them to bring them to Pantar. I cannot fathom what they had to go through, the emotional and physical pain. My sister-in-law and my nephew and niece had to walk almost 2 kilometers where my brother was waiting for them as cars cannot pass through their barangay. My mother-in-law left their house with only her handbag and the clothes she was wearing. My cousin even left the money she was keeping for her children’s enrollment thinking that they’d be coming back after 2-3 days. I’m in tears now. Pause.

Everyone has a depressing story to tell. My parents are left in our house in MSU, they refused to leave no matter how strong I urged them over the phone. The military secured the campus, they told me. They felt safe. But the earth-shaking sound of the airstrikes and bombs are very loud from our house, I can even hear it over the phone everytime I call Mama. MSU is the only stronghold left for the Meranaos. If they take it away from us, then they just dim the light that put Meranaos on the Philippine and even on the world map.

The Ruins of Marawi.

Photo courtesy of Marawi City Pulse (Facebook Page)

Every time my father and I go downtown Marawi, we notice all the bad stuff all around us. Garbage, narrow streets, tarpaulins, lawless elements aka motorcycle drivers and even unruly motorists. He once quipped that the only solution is to leave Marawi and create a new one. That’s why, I told him, a lot of Meranaos flee to live in the metro or abroad and vowing never to come back. Others return several decades later to attend a loved one’s funeral or to see their loving relatives. It is like a prophecy coming to life. Seeing all the destruction, it is eerie to return to the city and live in it again. If my father and I can have our way (which is one million times impossible), we want to leave the ruined part of the city as it is. The ruins will remind us and our children of what we were as a people and how we rose (speaking from the future) from the rubble and ashes of destruction.  I hope we can build a new Marawi elsewhere, where we can apply the better change we were clamoring for, where true and just governance can take place, where we can truly change anew. Lanao del Sur is a wide and a beautiful province, we can choose anywhere around the Lake. Just please, don't take MSU away from us.