Protons

              When everything seems perfect in my life, I plummeted into the darkest pit called Negativity. I became spiteful, irritable and reproachful. I became a monster I never figured out I would be in my dire attempt to keep everything around me in order. I had a constant feeling of disappointment, frustrations and hopelessness. I was full of doubts and mistrust. It certainly had a tremendous effect on my relationship with my loved ones. They are the ones who suffered for my twisted negative thinking. Until I came across a book called The Secret. It holds the greatest secret of all prominent men in history---POSITIVITY. It talks about the power of positive thinking and how you can convert your negative thoughts into positive ones. Life is very simple, we should always keep in mind that "what we give, we receive". Human beings are likened to transmission towers of powerful energy manifested by our thoughts and feelings. 

(Googled photo)

                Like a powerful transmission tower, what we give out into the Universe through our thoughts and feelings about the different aspects of our lives -- relationships, health, dreams, and finances--- will bounce back to us in equal or even more intensified. If we practice positivity in our daily lives, we will exercise patience, compassion and gratitude. We will have an open heart and mind, we feel like our life works harmoniously with the Universe. Everything flows smoothly, even if we are faced with difficult obstacles, we can easily get off the hook and proceed spontaneously as we wish it to be. The main ingredient of this book, the superstar of them all is gratitude. Sometimes, when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, the rest of our day is ruined. That is because we didn't find around us anything to be grateful for, we were not being grateful for the life given to us by Him.

                   I know this would be no easy feat but I am trying to live the proton life every single day. The most amazing thing about it is that I have understood the very essence why we, Muslims, are required to pray five times a day. We do not pray to merely ask but we pray in order to be grateful, to speak the two powerful words "Thank You", at least five times a day to nonetheless but the Creator. We thank Him for every single minute miracles in our lives, from the air we breathe, our circulating blood, our family and friends and every single source of happiness and joy in this world. 

                    I encourage you to look around you and find something to be grateful for. Also, when you pray, do not ask for anything without expressing your gratitude first. Feel it and you will receive, in shaa Allah. Join me in sprinkling protons in this world! Let's start by sharing a HUGE smile to the people we meet and everyone around us. Smile, it's sadaqah (charity). :)

Something I saw from Ate Dee's blog. 

Remembering med school and board review days when I had to wake up very early to catch-up on my readings after Fajr prayer, fall asleep at the end of the day on the study table with a book underneath my face, while my conscience is bugging my mind. I'll be like that again, two years from now when I pursue my residency training (InshaAllah). Presently, I'm reading on my fancy fiction books. MashaAllah. This may be temporary, but I'm living a dream. Haha! :) 

"While we are robust and in the prime of life, we imagine our deathbeds, the wisdom we mean to impart, and the precious words, like jewels on a necklace, that we intend to bequeath to those around us. 

But it is rarely to be.

We perish quickly on the battlefield, or in an accident, or in a lingering illness that will not announce its schedule for our destruction. 

And so our words perish with us, and those left behind are condemned to clutch at memories, at what they imagine we wished to say."

-Margaret George's Helen of Troy. 

Ideals

How many of you, medical students and physicians alike, have Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine?  Have you read the section "Ideals"? If you haven't because the moment you get your hand on the book, you directly flipped on the index to search for a particular disease, well, here goes:

Decision and intervention are the essence of action; reflection and conjecture are the essence of thought: the essence of medicine is combining these realms of action and thought in the service of others. We offer these ideals to stimulate both thought and action and action: like the stars, these ideals are hard to reach--but they serve for navigation during the night. 

• Do not blame the sick for being sick.
• If the patient's wishes are known, comply with them.
• Work for your patients, not your consultant.
• Use ward rounds to boost the patient's morale, not your own.
• Treat the whole patient, not the disease. 
• Admit people--not 'strokes', 'infarcts' or 'crumble'.
• Spend time with the bereaved, you can help them shed their tears.
• Question your conscience--however strongly it tells you to act. 
• Be kind to yourself--you are not an inexhaustible resource.
• Give the patient(and yourself) time: time to ask questions, time to reflect, time to allow healing to take place, and time to gain autonomy.
• Give the patient the benefit of the doubt. If you can, be optimistic: optimistic patients who feel in charge live longer and feel better.  

I have always categorized my books into two: school books and non-school books. School books are the text book ones, the boring ones, the one you read with the pressure of understanding it to get a fairly good grade during the exams. Non-school books are the fiction ones, literary ones, non-boring ones, the one I read with utmost desire while I let my imagination take me to some far away land and meet strangers and bizarre characters, books that teach me how to live life, books that present me with a new perspective. So it kinda surprised me to read something about how to practice the medical field in a humane kind of way. I should place this book under the uncategorized label because it is more than just a school book, it is a book on life--both literally and figuratively. :)

With all due respect, I've observed doctors who treat patients as patients and not as human being that they actually are. I, myself, is guilty of referring to patients according to their specific diseases and not by their names. (E.g., "Pauwi na si Lupus!" Instead of "Pauwi na si Ms. De Leon".)

I believe that medical practice shouldn't be based on how genius you are in treating your patient's disease but by treating the patient as a respected human being. :) 

Will post more about the few chapters in this book preceding the discussions on the diseases per se. :)

I saved P95 for buying Paulo Coelho's latest book and his 2012 Planner/Journal. Not bad. In a world where we need to tighten our belt to make both ends meet, a single centavo matters.

Bring it on, 2012! :)

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami

I never thought there is such a thing as book trailer. Well, this is it. One of my favorite author's latest. I saw the book at Powerbooks earlier today. It's hardbound and kinda pricey so I thought I could wait for the paperback. :) But friends, it's not yet too late for my birthday gift! *wink*

Again, I was tagged to the 32nd Manila International Book Fair last week. This was held at SMX Convention Center at Pasay City. Being surrounded by thousands of books from various genres was the perfect time to end my OB-GYN rotation!!

I COULDN'T AGREE MORE!!

Several publishers from large to minor scales were present to auction their books, some even brought authors with them for book signing. Mostly came from the Christian religious books though so I wasn't familiar with those authors who were there. The only one I recognized was...TADO JIMENEZ! The local slapstick comedian on TV!

I know he is an artist and an entrepreneur but him, publishing his own book, is far from the image that he portrays! Ok, so I bought his book out of sheer curiosity. At the back of my mind, I was expecting some Bob Ong kind of hidden wisdom but he fails me! First few pages pa lang, olats na ang libro ni Tado! I'm sorry but I didn't even continue reading through the first half of it! I suggest authors must have that get-your-money-back guarantee on the first release of their publications for I demand a refund of my P100! 

The SMX crowd on that Saturday afternoon. Every convention hall was packed with people. At the 2nd level, there was an Anime Convention and some K-Pop Convention as well. We didn't enter because Rox and I know few of the characters (aside from the fact that the entrance fee is costly), but Jeh insisted that we must take a peek. 

At the Ateneo Press booth, this old couple scanned through books by local authors while they were discussing about it. It made me go aawww...I see myself in the future with the person whom I can discuss and debate about books and authors. :D

Jeh was wearing a pretty and colorful outfit that day that didn't seem to fit our destination----MOA. And we were quite teasing her about it. Haha. 

Thank you for the company, girls! Wonder where our next date would be. :D

P.S.

This is my 111th post on the 1st year of this tiny nook of mine! :)

I feel some sort of nostalgia for my abandoned baby, my toastedpeanuts.  Mama will come home soon babe, or not. :p

I'm at page 157 of the 435 pages of One Day and I can't seem to put it down! I reckon I am half-Emma Mosley half-myself! That, love-wisely anhedonic, cold-hearted, robotic nun! 'Cept that, I don't have Dexter Mayhew and it's a bit too late to have him around.

Argh.
This fiction/med book juxtaposition is disturbing. Lol! Just give me thirty minutes and I'll go back to my Comprehensive Gyne book and deal with malignancies. Weee! :)

I purchased a book called "One Day" by David Nicholls, my second non-med book purchase during internship. By looking at the cover, you wouldn't mistake it for any other genre than love story. It's already on big screen, you can watch the trailer HERE by the way, starring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess (hottie!), which I have missed to see with my friends who rated the movie excellently. So I thought that if the movie is great, then the book must be tenfold greater! Admittedly, I bought it out of utter desperation for love stories nowadays, may it be fiction or stories of real people. I guess it's human nature to crave for something that's lacking in you. Therefore, this book is now juxtaposed to my William's Obstetrics book. 

"You're gorgeous, you old hag, and if I could give you just one gift ever for the rest of your life it would be this. Confidence. It would be the gift of confidence. Either that or a scented candle."

We're on our week and a half in OB-GYN and I'm so excited to move on to the next rotation! Hopefully I can update this blog on the things I sorely missed for the past month!! 

Poor Brain, Rich Eyes

First of all, I know that this blog was created to air my insights and all that weird things boiling down inside my thoughts. However, due to the swift constant revolution of my everyday life, there has been some scarcity of musings nowadays. Or probably I get used to the wretchedness of this world---the hospital, that is---that I lost connection to my inner humanity. While it's good to escape and find diversion, I'm afraid to get stuck into  the "other world" that I might get lost on my way back. Still, I escape because I need that diversion. Now, instead of sharing a piece of my brain, I'm gonna share pieces of what my eyes see in my everyday life. I don't have a great camera, I only have my mobile phone with me hence the poor quality of my photos. :( 

Last weekends, I was fortunate to be duty-free on Saturday and Sunday morning, so I went home to Merville at my cousins' home. I haven't been there since the start of internship. I was so glad to be back and play with my nieces. Here is Sabreen, my cousin Ate Pie's eldest. Such a cute darling!

In this photo, she's pretending to read. I love it when she mumbles un-understandable words while pointing to every single paragraph. Haha!

Sab. She's only two.

 Before I went back to my dorm. I accompanied Ate Hannah to SM Makati where I had a chance to feast my eyes on the pretty dresses and blouses of Forever 21! Aaaaah! How I drooled! But I was broke I went out empty-handed. :(

 I loiter nowadays at our condo lounge at 10th floor where there is swimming pool and free Wi-Fi. I never tried the pool kasi stagnant ang water! Haha. One fine afternoon, I had this view from where I was sitting and tweeting. :) Love the sunset sky! I imagined myself to be sipping coffee with a loved one sitting beside me...but nerrrhhh, it didn't happen. Most probably it won't happen. Aaaaahh!!! Nooooo!!

 My housemates: Emily and Sal. We're gonna have a new housemate since Pie moved out. Yay for that! :D

Meet the Block U. "We Revive, U Survive!". That is our temporary slogan until we come up with a smarter one. LOL. Taken at Pedia-ER on our last day. Photo courtesy of Renzo G., our Track B co-intern. 

First row L-R: Crystal, DS, Dane and Rex
Second row L-R: Tina, moi, Suzie
Back: Alaric

 Our Pedia-ER team. I'm gonna miss them, they're the best so far! They're so sweet and all. I admire Ma'am Glo, our senior resident, for being so composed and calm no matter how toxic we are! (except for that time her voice rose because of a cruel patient's watcher).

L-R: Suzie, moi, Ma'am X-Tina (thanks for allowing me to write my own order!), Ma'am Glo (the great!), Ma'am Inah (thanks for that recommendation for 24-hour merit!) and Tina. :)

 Block U's first lunchdate. So, these are the people I'm gonna be with for the rest of internship. :)

Done with my first month in Pedia. Next round of Pedia-OPD and Ward will be April next year.

Next stop: Family and Community Medicine. I am so ignorant about Evidence-Based Medicine. We just don't have that back in MSU. Aaaah, why oh why!!! It will take time for me learning that while my blockmates are so knowledgeable about it. 

This Is How The World Is

Marcus Aurelius, one of the more wise of the Roman Emperors stated one day:

"Today, I shall meet people who speak much, who are selfish, loathsome, and who love only themselves. Yet I will not be annoyed or bewildered by them, because I don't imagine the rest of the world to be any different."

-from the book, Don't Be Sad by 'Aidh ibn Abdullah bin Al-Qarni. Such an enlightening book.

Studying Blues

I frequently get that sudden spur of cleaning up my room or re-arranging my bookshelf whenever my brain is at the peak of understanding a medical concept. While I was reviewing the other night for our OSCE, my peripheral vision caught my topsy-turvy bookshelf and my mind suddenly went berserk to arrange my books. 

Welcome to my little treasure---what I have accumulated for four years.

Aside from my med books...

I also have here few of my fiction books, I piled most of 'em at our MSU home.  

These are among my favorites: Paolo Coelho's The Zahir; Haruki Murakami's Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman and Norwegian Wood; Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns; Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love; and Ricky Lee's Para kay B. 

This is the mug I got from two-years ago's Association of Philippine Medical Colleges annual convention after an impromptu speaking engagement before medical schools faculty representatives. It was an unforgettable one. 

I keep picture of my loved ones to inspire me everyday. I have here photo with my parents, my boyfriend (I can see people scoffing!!) and Eiffel Tower. :)

A souvenir photo from somewhere I recently conquered: Dahilayan, Bukidnon.

My bookshelf is also where I hang the closest thing to me for the past year of clerkship: my stethoscope with the rasta doll Jordan gave me from his Thailand summer vacaye.  

On the lateral side of the shelf is where I hang a simple organizer of my little accessories collection. 

And after a few minutes of dusting, sneezing and arranging books according to size... ta da... this is the most I can do. LOL. I'm not OC. Obviously. 

After seeing a good smile of my books, I can then go back to the  page where I left off. :)

Meeting An "Old" Friend For The Second Time.

We meet friends on the road of life, we meet them as early as the moment we learned to crawl. They could be our neighbor, our classmate in school, a family friend, a colleague, an org-mate, someone we sat beside the bus, or someone we've heard their names of. We befriend people we met in person. However in the 21st century, we can have virtual friends---those we meet through SMS or through the world wide web. Haven't tried the former though, but gaining friends online didn't hurt. When the social network Friendster's popularity was at its summit, I gained plenty of friends including from outside the Philippines especially there were very few "real friends" of mine who had an FS account then when I first joined the social network. Then, I started blogging more than five years ago and gained some readers, some were "real friends" some were new. Blogging allowed me to share bits and pieces about myself even to strangers, and reading theirs too made me feel like we've met a long, long time ago. The world is indeed so small because little did we know that those people we met online can somehow be related to us by blood or can be a friend's friend. 

Just like Nimai, I met her through my Multiply account. I remember when she first added me, I thought she was my friend Ni'ma because aside from the rhyming of their names, her thumbnail photo has some resemblance with my friend. When I read her page, turned out she's a whole different person I never knew. Like I said, it doesn't hurt to meet new people so we read each other's entries. We dropped comments at each other, found some common interests and common friends as well. Until I learned we exist in the same city as she's an accountancy major in MSU-IIT. This girl don't just have a pretty face but she has a brain that totally rocks!! Late last year, she went to the States for a short course through the Global Undergraduate Exchange Program. Prior to that, she borrowed a book from me (The Zahir) and that was the first time that we met and had a short talk. It was a very brief meeting as we were both in a hurry. Then she flew to the United States. She came back last June but I wasn't able to arrange a date since that was my OB-GYN days at GTLMH. Earlier this week, she tweeted me and asked about my vacant time and pronto! we set the time and place!! We had a long conversation like we were old friends!! 

Iftar at Peek 'n Berry. Not until we noticed that the restaurant was closing on us, we wouldn't stand to finally go home. :)

She returned my book added with extra post card from Massachusetts and an antibacterial hand sanitizer from VS, which I think of just keeping and not using. :)

This is what she wrote on the card.

You're so welcome Nimzy!! My bookshelf is open for you (feeling ko rin marami akong libro eh 'no? LOL.) You know you're awesome!! InshaAllah, we can achieve our dreams. Go rock the world, girl!!

On the other hand,

My buddy Juey, who is also a great fan of Jane Austen and her book Pride and Prejudice, got her attention caught by this book. She lend it to me. So I guess I gotta fast-read this one as I need to get back to my med books. We'll be saying hello to Pediatrics in two weeks' time, hence, I gotta make the most out of my "vacaye" days. :)