Ear Buddies

Hello, friends! Thanks to everyone who dropped a comment on my  previous blogpost. It's heartwarming to know that some of my friends, even if there's only 3 or 5 people of you, are reading my written thoughts. I hope I impart a little through sharing my life experiences. For the past decade of being here and on social media, I have gained a lot of knowledge through the people whose pages/accounts provide beneficial information. While many people agree that social media brought destruction to the fabric of our society, I think it really depends on how we consume it and not allowing these platforms to consume us. 

In this post, I'm going to share with you the podcasts I've been listening to for quite a while now. I've been a huge podcast listener during my housewife days in Bangkok, in a way it helped me clear out the conversations in my head and cope with the emotional distress I didn't acknowledge I had. I devoured  Ted Talk, Muslim Sheikhs like Mufti Menk and Nou'man Ali Khan, and my morning barkada: The Morning Rush (with Chico, Gino and Delle). I follow these people on Instagram even after Gino and Delle left the show. That's how I learned about The Eve's Drop. 

The Eve's Drop is hosted by three former women DJs of RX 93.1 --- Delamar, Gelli and Fran, produced by another former DJ Jude Rocha. Jude also participates in their convo. They talk about current events and pop culture; and guest significant people. As a woman and a mom, it's very easy to relate to them, especially during the start of this pandemic, I listen to them more often. 

In contrast to what The Eves are talking about, obviously these two ulamas deliver Islamic talks and most importantly, how to live in this highly corrupted society. I love how they remind us to always have hope in the mercy of Allah swt, and that His mercy supersedes His wrath. They don't bash other religions or those who do not strictly follow Islam, rather gives hope that these people may find spiritual enlightenment. They speak kindly but remind sternly that everything on earth is temporary. 

Mindful Muslimah is an American revert who lives in New York and serves as an older sister or in Filipino, "Ate", to her Muslim women followers. She's a niqabi and prefers to keep her identity private. She shares a lot about marriage, parenting, homeschooling, relationships, all within the context of Islam. Alhamdulillah. She's pretty much the life coach I've been looking for. She speaks about living as a Muslim woman/mom in this modern world. She also started a Book Club and of course you don't need to guess who got herself in! Lol. 

 

I love Michelle Obama. Period. Haha! In Meranao phrase, she is: "pka-datu iyan si karoma niyan" (in direct translation, she who can make her husband a king) that every mother looks for in a daughter-in-law. She's the greater force behind her husband's political career. She took care of the family while keeping her own career as a lawyer and still able to push her personal advocacies --- while her husband is in politics. She did that with a very minimal support system: her mother and few friends. Her podcast featured people close to her like her own family members, and selected friends who are a huge part of their administration. 

I hope you enjoy these podcasts as much as I do! You don't need a "spare" time in listening to them because you can do it while on to other things like driving, cooking or doing the laundry. It keeps you from possible negative thoughts and fills it in with inspirational messages from these empowered people. They are all on Spotify, btw.

Happy listening!

I got your back.

I share the burden. 

I share the tears.

I cry with you. 

But, I'll carry on. 

Let's carry on.

We'll get through this. 

I'll remain to keep that little spark of positivity alive. 

I can see the light.

Believe.

Have faith.

Just please, don't let me drown with you. 

N

We received the saddest news yesterday. The news we've been dreading since the siege commenced. As the war stretches on, all our hopes are thinning out.
We lost her to false ideology.
My heart is crumbling to pieces.
How?
Why?
Who am I to judge her intentions?
She's always been a very good person to me and to everyone around her. Well-loved by many. Her soft voice and laughters.
Her beautiful face.
Such gentle soul.
Her memory will live forever and will forever leave a scar in our hearts.
Nobody's coming home yet.
There's no point in coming home.
We have no home.
She won't be with us forever.
May Allah forgive her and grant her jannah.
May we meet again in jannah.
Ameen.

Coffee With Diana

I kick-started publishing my thoughts online and whatever that goes around on a so-called "blog" nearly ten years ago. Friendster introduced it to me until I moved to Multiply. Those now-defunct social media platforms started it all for me, until eight years ago I decided to "formally move" here in Blogspot. I did not intend to have a particular theme to write about, nor did I intend to be known through blogging or writing. This is the closest thing I do to talk to myself. In fact, none of those in my closest circle knew about this secret business I have. Most of my friends were like, "Friendster, yeah..but, blog? what? what blog?". I didn't bother them about it again. Haha! Until in 2006, my childhood Ate, Ate Diane, came back to MSU for good and one of the things that we talk about enthusiastically was blogging. Finally! Someone can relate to my inner nerd that was kept hidden under the rug. Blogging, as I've learned from her, was a huge thing in the Metro. In reality, it was quite dwindling already when I was barely starting.

I love reading stories, fictional or not. I love reading in general, so blog-reading is something that I enjoy so much. I've met a known a lot of people through their respective blogs. Some of them became friends of mine in real life. :) 

One of the blogs that I take pleasure in reading is that of Nessreen Diana whom I always refer to as Nessreen but she then told me that she is known to everyone as Diana.  I came across her blog through Ate Diane's as they're friends in UP.  I particularly took interest in her stories about growing up as a Meranao, as a woman, and as a Filipino in Jeddah. Growing up in the bukid of Mindanao State University, I had an impression that my cousins and relatives who were living abroad lead a glamorous and fabulous life. But, her Jeddah stories made me aware that they are also regular people and that we, in inged, live a much more normal life. Although they have an easy access to all the things we mostly yearn for like fast-food shops and malls. Haha!  

The Meranao community is so small that we are connected one way or another. Ate Diana happened to be a cousin of my good friend Mabi, and later on, I met her brother Adnan (through Mabi, of course). I remember meeting Adnan and after finding out they were siblings, I was thinking that this guy might be one of those "characters" I read on his sister's blog. Haha! 

Several days ago, she dropped me a message informing me that she's in Bangkok and asked if I want to meet-up. Of course I want to!!! She's some sort of a "celebrity" in my blogging world so how can I say no to that?! We met and talked over coffee at a mall near us. I hope she didn't mind commuting though. Hehe. We talked for almost three hours about her job, about her life in Jeddah (yeah, you cannot shut her up about Jeddah!), about my life here and about the people we commonly know. Turned out, we know A LOT of people in common! Small world indeed! It felt surreal to finally listen to her speak Meranao fluently. I guess that's how it feels to meet your favorite writer or author, that you're convinced that, yeah, they're real people too. I had a "Diana-hangover" a day later, replaying our conversations over and over again in my head. Haha! 

You can check out her blog on my blogmates list, on the right side of this page, so you'd know what I mean. She's Nessreen there. :D 

The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan, a must-read. 

Reading break. 

Sitting here and sipping my coffee while reading rants. Funny how some people can get so cowardly by posting harsh words on social media which they cannot tell someone directly. Well, well. I'd rather focus on my own life rather than stick my short nose on other people's lives. 

Kthanxbye! 

P.S.

If you take social media seriously, it will effin' drive you nuts. So. Ignore.  Move on. Continue living your awesome life. :)

Quarter-Life Crisis

If you happened to read my previous post about The Secret, it has something to do with me undergoing "quarter-life crisis" pala. I just learned about it when I was reading an article and came across with the word. It summarized everything that I was feeling, I was going through a phase pala that I didn't recognize. What I knew was that I felt a lot of resentment about everything. It happened right after I was deployed in Maguindanao for my DTTB stint and eventually got married. Everything seemed to happen swiftly that I lost track to cope. I thought everything was perfect for me--- I had my license as a physician and earned respect from society, I have a fulfilling job, I married the kind of person I was praying for--- but I was feeling doomed. I dealt with a lot of emotional pains caused by too many factors and here, let me count the ways: 

1.) The hassles of being a Doctor to The Barrio
   
      Being pulled out from one province to another due to a rift with the local chief executive, going to the mountainous terrains, walking under the sun to reach barangays located in what seems to be the endmost part of the world, dealing with hard-headed and delinquent staff, seeing the miserable condition of the people in a municipality forgotten by civilization; and at the same time, witnessing the fabulous and glamorous lifestyle of the handful of people who are supposed to make life easy for those in the far-flung mountains. I was witnessing the irony in my own society. I was disillusioned. I cannot believe how money and power can rip off some people's conscience, rendering oppression to those in the lower strata and how the latter can all be purely innocent of the injustice lashed at them. For two years during my whole DTTB stint, I was in complete desolation. Yes, I have survived DTTB, I am in a good state now, but the people in the municipality I had left are still eating out from one powerful man's hand, struggling through their daily survival, waiting for a miracle to happen.

   For two years, I have witnessed how corruption from the lowermost level occurs and how the people from the grassroots suffer the consequence and worse, how they tolerate the powerful ones as if stealing the money rightfully owned by the mass is a normal thing to do. And the worst feeling is knowing that you are not, by any means, capable of doing something about it. I came to a point of wishing DTTB would end soon so I can get out of the loop to stop witnessing everything. 

2.) Long distance relationship

      Before my husband and I got married, he already talked me out of the DTTB stint and offered to pay back my scholarship so I can join him in his post in Nigeria. I vehemently refused because I was really looking forward to DTTB and I know I will regret it if I wouldn't join the program. I have already accepted our LDR set-up thinking that I have never been emotionally dependent to one person so it wouldn't be a problem. One month after we got married, he left for Africa and we were both back to our pre-marriage routine. Much to my huge surprise, I had a severe separation anxiety that I had occasional outbursts of crying!! Adjusting with the contrasts in our personality with a seven-hour time difference, it was one hell of a crazy LDR. Thanks to technology, but it wasn't enough to make up for the physical absence. Facetime or viber cannot detect the real mood or environment we were in so there were plenty of times when I would burst into outrage and he had no idea why, and then later on he would find himself profusely apologizing for something he did not understand. I was just PMS-ing lang pala. Hahaha! Thank God, he was/is very patient with me. Oh well, he now has a broad understanding of women and he had my mood swings to thank for. Haha!

3.) Pressure from attending to social obligations

      I was never a social butterfly as opposed to my own mother. Being labeled as "the physician daughter of *insert my mother's name here*" and immensely after I got married, I forced myself to pretend to be the social butterfly that I am expected to be and forced my brain to memorize family genealogy. It is quite difficult to be in the Meranao society, I tell you. You are forced to be who you are NOT because of  certain expectations coming from certain labels, and if you fail to live to that expectation then expect murmurs about you behind your back. Guess I will have to live with those murmurs and just shrug my shoulders as I live my life because honestly, I cannot live to pretend. 

4.) Pressure from the masteral classes

       The biggest perk (the ONLY perk actually) of being in the Doctors to the Barrios Program is being enrolled for free in a masteral classes in the prestigious Development Academy of the Philippines. The classes, which we call the Continuing Medical Education or CME, are conducted every six months for two whole weeks in the DAP Convention Center in Tagaytay City. CMEs are always being looked forward to as a breather and a refresher, it is what every DTTB loves. Upon returning to area, we were bombarded with assignments and action plan and projects (APPs) that needed beating a deadline. With the fluctuating internet connection in our place and with the impending works in the rural health unit, it was hard juggling my role as a student, head of unit and subordinate all at the same time. 

5.) The chaotic world

        Everywhere I looked at was chaotic--the core of the society I live in, my country, the whole world is in the verge of war. Natural catastrophes ground us to rubble because of man's own doings. My eyes opened up to the real world and how miserable it is. Negativity started to sunk into my being, it was eating me from within and my whole perspective about this world started to change. I was letting the happy girl in me slip into a hopeless being. Everything, including my own room, was in chaos.


It never occurred to me that the transition from my extended adolescence to adulthood would be a formidable one. I realized that I actually underwent a life-changing phase when I already emerged out of it. Haha! Yeah, it was quite late but I'm just glad that I managed to get through everything unscathed. I am grateful I'm surrounded by the positively-energized people who peppered me with relevant advice and it also helped that I read self-help books. I read all the three books of Rhonda Byrne: The Secret, The Power and The Magic, I read the entire Qur'an (the English translation) for the first time and tried to understand it by consulting some verses with my father who has better understanding of the Holy Book and of Islam and I listened to lectures of Islamic scholars particularly Mufti Menk and Yasmin Mogahed. Perhaps when you're conscious that something is going wrong in your life, it is a reflex that you try to bind yourself together by looking within you the purpose of your very existence. I clung to my faith and by counting my blessings, all the chaos and negativities hovering above me gradually disappeared. The greatest thing that happened to me while I was in crisis was accepting that what is happening in our lives is way beyond our control, that we can only do so much, and recognizing the power of The One Above who is The Best Planner, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful. I believe I understood more things now about my faith than I do before, and there are still a good measure that I am yet to learn and understand.

I am grateful to three people who got my back while I was in crisis, the three people who made me see how blessed I am and who returned my positive outlook in life, they are the ones who I constantly talk to about my problems, who had awkwardly seen me crying, and despite my tantrums and everything, they still loved me unconditionally: my father, my husband and my brother J. I love you three!! 

Unfortunately, there are some people who dislikes hearing, seeing or even sensing your personal happiness. They always have something negative to say about you or what you do or what you don't do. Well, we cannot do anything about that. We can't be apologetic at all times. What for? For their envy of our own happiness? Why can't they settle with their own and stop minding ours? 

I have only few words for them: 

EAT YOUR HEART OUT!!!