The Actress

THE ACTRESS

Instead of doing what I oughtta do—study for my exam tomorrow—I cleaned the fridge, the toaster, washed the dishes, sweep the floor, do my laundry, and watched a couple of movies. Lots of time wasted. This is something I hate about myself. I sometimes set aside things that need to be accomplished first. I have this disorder that if I can’t do something I’m thinking to do, or, eat what my mouth craves for, I can’t proceed doing the more important one. So now that I’m done of those things mentioned above, I can now bury my face on my notes.

By the way, I’m loving the British accent. I wish I could speak it without ridicule.

**

I wanna write. Write about something. But there are just no ideas sprouting from my underloaded brain. There are unpredictable minutes when words unstoppably pour down from my head, but they usually happen when I’m in the middle of awkward moments to write like in the bathroom, in a jeepney, in a class with the most feared professor (you should listen, not write), or when I’m about to rest into a deep sleep (half-asleep, half-awake state).

**

I wanna tell a story. A story about someone I know whom we shall call under the alias “Hillary” to protect her privacy. It has been months since the last time I saw and talk to Hill. Few months after that, we learned that she didn’t proceed to med school as planned because she was forcibly married for some unknown reasons. She has a boyfriend so her parents’ unwished conspiracy was not a success.

I regularly read her blog. How she has improved. Her writing skills are at its peak, her choice of words is excellent and natural sarcasm (pretends to be subtle) is evident in her articles. We still have communication, of course, what’s the use of Friendster, YM, and Globe?

Her peculiarly funny demeanor didn’t change a bit. Her love for music and magazines and fashion are still the same. Also, her inner actress gestures remained. And for this year that she’s currently an OOSY (out-of-school-youth), she occupied herself with enhancing what was left with her. In spite of the undesirable circumstances, someone makes her happy. I know she’s optimistic of continuing her calling as a medical doctor. And I wish that the pillar that she and her guy built will get stronger—to prove what they wanna prove.

She used to be the single-and-independent-girl-is-fun kinda girl. We were alike, that’s why we call ourselves “buddies” because we have the same feathers, therefore we flock together. People change. Cliché. She broke our unspoken vow, one of the elements that tighten our friendship. I got mad, initially. Things like “how could she?” blah-blah. I found myself later on at the right place, I am just a friend that devoid me of any right to cease her happiness just because of one stupid unspoken vow. I wasn’t even able to stop my own best-friend from getting herself a boyfriend. Anyway, I thought, she holds herself responsible for whatever the consequences are. And now she’s happy with him. I am here left having a strong affinity with our vow.

**

If I am to put the story of my life in the big screen, I am certainly NOT the lead actress. I am the best-friend who receives the after-midnight phone call to hear the whining of the lead actress. I am the one who supplies advices, the confidant, the listening machine, the accomplice. I love my role, just being that. Apparently, I don’t like being in the limelight to receive compliment. The more you receive compliments, the more criticisms are thrown back at you. I admit, most often that not, I am afraid of criticisms. That’s why I always stay on the safer side, by being the good girl everybody knows. I can’t afford to be mean and sarcastic, although sometimes the situation calls for it. I can’t afford to throw back at people because karma gets even at me faster than I did the deed.

I am thinking of auditioning for the next lead actress role. Surely, that’s take a lot of proper attitude and hard work. Better watch out for the upcoming trailer in the cinemas, you might not recognize that the star of the next biggest motion picture is none other than, Yours Truly.