Another Goodbye

          Ramadhan’s almost to end and I haven’t written about it as I was planning. I have always been looking forward to this Holy Month insofar as I can recall. It’s not the “starving” part that elates me but the exquisite dishes my mom prepares for Iftar. I used to imagine that Ramadhan is for her to showcase her culinary skills. Come to think of that, thirty unintermittent days of my favorite dishes on the dining table and after-Tarawih desserts. No kid wouldn’t love that!

          Children are exempted to fast for the whole day so I liked it when my parents wake me up at three in the morning for the Saum meal, I felt like an adult who is compelled to fast, I felt important. At twelve noon, when my father notices my lips turn to grey he orders me to break my fasting and assures the seven-year old me that my half-day starvation would still count. I would do the same the following day and he tells me that my two half-days equate one whole straight day of fasting like an adult does. So apparently by that, I would still receive divine reward for my “fasting”.

          Nearing puberty, my parents got stricter on my Ramadhan habits. I was no longer allowed to break my fast at twelve noon, I need to complete the whole day without having anything by mouth—nil per orem. Initially, I liked it for I was treated like an adult—being served like a VIP during Iftar in consideration for starving for that day. Mid-month came and daytime cravings surge up, that’s when I knew how it is to be hungry, heard my stomach grumble and felt abdominal burning sensation. This time, I was the one begging my parents to allow me to break my fast.  They warned me that should I break my fast without their knowledge, it is not them who’re going to punish me. It is Allah. And I cannot hide from Him because no matter where I am, He is seeing over me. He sees everything I do and knows everything in my heart and mind. Alhamdulillah, never did I made an attempt to secretly eat and break my fasting. None that I can remember of.

          Step by step, I got educated about the significance of Ramadhan into each and every Muslim’s life. Why do we starve ourselves and hold steadfast to our prayers? We are not ordered to starve for punishment, we are to fast so we will be able to feel how the miskin—the poor, the needy, the homeless—feels like inorder for us to have compassion towards them and this teaches us humility. We are deprived of worldly things so we learn self-restraint. By this, we learn self-discipline and empathy which are expected for us to continue all throughout the year until such good qualities that the Holy Month taught us will be instilled into our personality thus making us better Muslims. It is during this month that we do not only detoxify our physical bodies but also our souls, we ask forgiveness from Allah and to all the people, who one way or another, we have wronged. We clear our hearts from all the grudges and envies that are residing therein. At the end of the month, we give Fitra (charity) to the needy in any form and any possible way we can.

          Having a greater understanding of this Holy Month’s meaning makes me look forward to it annually. The magic of this month triggers me to start anew (albeit one needs not to wait for Ramadhan to turn over a new leaf), get closer to my Creator and become a better person and a Muslim.

          For three years now, I have been spending Ramadhan away from home. It is difficult not being with my family during Saum and Iftar meals, there are even nights when I am eating alone and worse, nights when I wasn’t able to wake up to eat Saum meal. I got used to it eventually so long as I can spend the first and last days with them especially the Eid. As the Holy Month bids farewell, I ask for forgiveness from those who, aware or unawarely, I have wronged as I have forgiven all those who have caused me heartaches.

To Ramadhan, ‘til we meet again!

EID MUBARAK everyone!