chronicles of a doctor mom

We just got back home from my newly wed cousin M and his wife's kandori (thanksgiving) and thought to myself "What is more lovely than a couple who fought all the odds and found their way to each other?"

It is not unknown how parents arrange marriage for their children in the Meranao society out of purest and best intent. They choose among close relatives to create a tighter bond within the clan, mainly for alliance. For us, the most numerous in number is the most powerful clan. Parents meticulously hand pick The Chosen One for their child and consider various aspects, most importantly a bright future that is in store for their child and The Chosen One. However, most often than not, they consider too much about the in-law's family that they take for granted the compatibility of the two people they are going to wed. They overlook their children's rights and wants. By children, I mean these are actually grown-up men and women devoid of their inherent right to personally choose for themselves. Parents tend to satisfy their whims by neglecting their children's happiness. We are people too, y'know. Most importantly, we are grown-ups (at least we'd like to think so) and I believe we are capable of finding The One for ourselves.

After writing this, people might picture me as an ungrateful, selfish, rebellious and stubborn daughter. Call it defiance of the culture set by our forefathers but I want to set things straight in some aspects. Parents and children must at least meet halfway, right? Parents, no forcing please. Children, try to compromise.....peacefully and respectfully. 

Most importantly, I'd like to address this to all the men who have marriage playing in their minds. If you think you are ready to settle down, make sure you have fixed it with the one you want to settle down with. Be man enough to understand the complexity of what you are about to enter so do not allow anyone to dictate your heart. You are endowed with an intelligence to decide for yourself. There is no one on this earth who can tell you who to marry but your heart, so listen carefully to it. Pursue the one you truly love and choose carefully, but still,. in accordance to your parents' standards so you will not end up as a cast out in your clan. It must be a mutual decision between the two of you. Hence, if you sense that the woman doesn't feel like spending the rest of her life with you, then please, don't push your luck, stay away for she's definitely not The One. 

Why am I writing this? Because I admire my cousin M and his wife A for fighting for their love despite the distance and the somewhat seemingly endless adversities. I admire M for following his heart and for playing deaf when dictators came to him. I admire A for waiting patiently. They do not only brought two clans together but they showed us what real love can do. For that, I pray for a blissful and blessed marriage for them. 

After all their visitors left. M wearing flesh polo shirt and A is the one in blue veil. :)