Abe's Letter

My heart is bleeding as I read  I am Malala, a biography of the youngest Nobel-prize laureate Malala Yousafzai. She is a Pakistani young activist who fought for women's education in her region and was shot by Taliban in the face. She survived the attack which caught the attention of the international media and was given a chance to be heard. It breaks my heart how some fundamentalists could think so backwardly and act so outrageously in the name of a religion that has nothing to do with what they claim to stand for. They oppress women by ripping away their basic rights including education. The women in Malala's region is not far from the story of Laila and Mariam in the fictional (but based on facts) novel of Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns. Sadly, these fundamentalists on Malala's side of the earth blemish the beautiful name of Islam. Their closed and narrow way of interpreting Islam is what the rest of the world sees. 

Knowing about the status of women in those regions (Pakistan, Afghanistan and some Arab countries) makes me grateful that I was born and raised in a place where I am free to dream and choose who I want to be the way I want it. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim." (Al-Tirmidhi). He didn't say only men can seek knowledge. As far as I know, Islam is the most gender-sensitive religion and it never teaches, neither in the Holy Qur'an or in the Hadith, the oppression of women. In fact, men are commanded to treat women fairly and lovingly. 

Anyway, without steering away further from the title of this entry, some lines from Abraham Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher were mentioned in the book. I searched for it and here it goes: 

This afternoon at a quite corner with my Amina love. 

“My son starts school today. It is all going to be strange and new to him for a while and I wish you would treat him gently. It is an adventure that might take him across continents. All adventures that probably include wars, tragedy and sorrow. To live this life will require faith, love and courage.

So dear Teacher, will you please take him by his hand and teach him things he will have to know, teaching him – but gently, if you can, Teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. He will have to know that all men are not just, that all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero, that for every crooked politician, there is a dedicated leader.

Teach him if you can that 10 cents earned is of far more value than a dollar found. In school, teacher, it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to learn how to gracefully lose, and enjoy winning when he does win.

Teach him to be gentle with people, tough with tough people. Steer him away from envy if you can and teach him the secret of quiet laughter. Teach him if you can – how to laugh when he is sad, teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him there can be glory in failure and despair in success. Teach him to scoff at cynics.

Teach him if you can the wonders of books, but also give time to ponder the extreme mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on a green hill. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if every one tell him they are wrong.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone else is doing it. Teach him to listen to every one, but teach him also to filter all that he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him to sell his talents and brains to the highest bidder but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul. Let him have the courage to be impatient, let him have the patient to be brave. Teach him to have sublime faith in himself, because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind, in God.

This is the order, teacher but see what best you can do. He is such a nice little boy and he is my son.”

It is a beautiful letter full of wisdom. I am miles away yet from parenting issues that involve instilling values, discipline and morality, but I take this letter as a prayer where God is the Teacher who provides us with knowledge that can help us through in this worldly life. 

Every parent wants the best for their children; however, we do not want exaggerations that might throw them to self-destruction. We want to strike a balance. Personally, I want to raise my daughter (and her future siblings) the way I was raised. But I need to adapt to their generation as well. Who knows what kind of technology and environment they have fifteen to twenty years from now? Well, we can only take things slowly, gracefully, and with a lot of prayers. :)

                 

What I like about buying books at Kinokuniya is that they cover it with a plastic before handing it to you. The nerd in me is sooo excited for this one! And super glad that I got the last copy on stock! 

The Homecoming

Several months ago, I persuaded the husband that we go on a vacation to our homeland Marawi City for our Amina Mariam to be seen and cuddled by our family and friends back home. He was initially uncertain about it since he is to be recalled this year anyway adding to the bulk of work awaiting him at the office. I eventually convinced him. I was really excited and happy to see my siblings after more than a year and meet for the first time my nephew Zaim and my new nieces who were born on the same year as my Amina! It was a three-week vacation which was spent in the company of our family and some friends. 

Caveat: this is going to be a long entry and flooded with photos (raw and unedited). 

Mindanao State University, my love. 

To be honest, it is sad there hasn't been any positive changes in Marawi. Ours is a society that goes backward and I don't want to expound on that so as not to spoil the merry mood I want to inject on this entry. Haha! But the cool weather and the warmth of family, that is something that every expat Meranao would want to come home to and I couldn't be any grateful and happier. Alhamdulillah.  

The mandatory visit to the golf course and have the best view of Lake Lanao with the enchanting backdrop of the Sleeping Lady.  

One of the many reasons for our homecoming is the formality of Amina's Aqiqah Kandori. Technically, her aqiqah has been performed last Eid'l Adha when my parents slaughtered a goat (in Marawi) as a sacrifice on the occasion of her birth. But we want to perform some of the sunnahs like cutting of hair and feeding her with honey, so we had a small celebration at my aunt's place with our immediate families. It was a very simple and traditional family gathering and exchange of pleasantries. 

Amina and her great grandma (my Ina) Hajja Mariam, to whom she is named after. :) 

Amina carried by her Babu Amanee, with her great grand-aunt Nana and her second cousins Hamza (carried by my niece Oly) and Haya (carried by her mom, my cousin Lovely). 

Amina with her grandmas and my aunt, Auntie Mimi. 

Papa cuts Amina's hair. 

Mama feeds her with spoonful of honey. 

Du'aa for our Amina to grow as a mou'minah (a believer) and a true Muslimah. Ameen. Her Ama was perhaps groggy so please bear with him. Haha! Just kidding!

One of the beautiful highlights of our homecoming is meeting my one and only nephew, Zaim, for the first time! He was born prematurely and unexpectedly several days after I arrived in Bangkok that I've seen him grow only through Facetime and private messaging apps with my siblings. MashaaAllah! He's more than a year old now and soooo adorable! Of course, I was more than excited for my Amina to meet her Kaka Zaim! She is not yet interactive with him but Zaim can already pronounce her name clearly, funny thing though as my sister-in-law tells me, is that he is now calling all babies that he sees as Amina! Hahaha! Aaawww... They'll be reunited soon, in shaa Allah, and they will be old enough to be playing already.  

Our cuddly bear, Zaiiiimmmmmm.

The biggest triggering factor of our homecoming is to see our Api, (Hajja Amina) hubby's grandma (the one wearing white mukna on the photo below) who's been ailing for several months now. Having an OFW parents, Jabar and some of his siblings were left under the care of Api and Abobay (the one in blue/brown mukna, she is Api's sister). It wasn't easy for Jabar growing up without the physical presence of their parents but these two strong women stood for them and raised them into responsible adults that they are now. With all due respect and without undermining all the efforts of my mother-in-law, I should be thanking Api and Abobay for what Jabar has become as a person, a son, a husband and now, a father.

With Jabar's family, his mom, grandmas, siblings and nephews and niece. 

We also paid a special visit to Kakababay Hajja Racma, Jabar's paternal grandma, in Taraka, Lanao del Sur. The first twelve years of Jabar's life was spent here in Taraka where he holds beautiful memories so he doesn't miss visiting the municipality every single time he comes home.  

In spite of her dementia, Kakababay was so fond of Amina the moment she laid her eyes on her. MashaaAllah. 

                     

My siblings and I long planned for an exclusive family outing at Dahilayan, Bukidnon and an overnight staycation at CdO. Itineraries had been laid but a certain circumstance didn't permit us to go. Instead of sulking into negativity, we thought of visiting my sister-in-law's family residence that is beautifully situated beside the lake. They erected a gazebo where a picnic can be held and it is indeed magnificent to be watching the sun rise and set here! Mashaa Allah! 

Introducing my Amina to why we are called Meranaos, or "people of the lake". 

The mesmerizing Lake Lanao. 

My cousins Ate Lalay and Nasbia cheering up Amina after I realized I had left her formula milk! Hahaha! Sorry anak! The huge disadvantage of not breastfeeding. Ugh. 

My grandma was so delighted to have a breath of fresh air while being captured by the beauty of the lake. 

Super grateful to our generous hosts, my brother's in-laws, for the feast! It is indeed more fulfilling to have a glimpse of our very own Lake Lanao than anywhere else. 

My brother Jalal and I used to bicker all the time when we were little, until the day we realized that we are getting nothing out of it and we better be friends and be there for each other for the rest of our lives. After all, time will come when nobody refuses to give you a hand except for your very own immediate family. Look at us now, having families of our own. I pray that our children grow to treat one another not merely as cousins but as siblings and may they be close as ever. Amen. 

FOUR GENERATIONS. Ina Hajja Mariam, Mama, Me and Amina. I love this photo!!

Amina met her Bapa Matski for the first time! He's the third among the triplet siblings I have and is presently spending an OJT in Manila. We didn't see each other when we flew in since we had a connecting flight to CdO. 

Being in Manila would not be complete without visiting our Merville family. I was so happy to see my aunt, cousins and my nieces who have grown so much since the last time I saw them! They made my nose bleed with their English language skills! MashaaAllah.. And of course, I was more excited to meet another new niece, Aeesha Saffah! She is 6 weeks younger than Amina, and she's the youngest among my cousins and I's mass production! Haha! There are 5 new babies in our family this 2015! 

Amina meets Saffah! 

Ate Papay's adorable angels! 

Merville family. <3

One of the important things I learned in 2015 is treasuring friendships. Perhaps, I have identified those who are true and real to me, those who deals with me without prejudice and those who, in spite of the distance, still manages to keep in touch. I may not have seen them all again in the short span of time that we were home, but I know in my heart who they are. <3 

Johanifah!!! Jho and I were inseparable since time immemorial. We became friends since gradeschool although we went to the different schools. We met at Madrasah, our weekend Islamic school. We also live near each other so we often go and visit one another. We became tightly bonded in college after taking up the same course. I cannot remember a day being apart from her since then! We also went to the same med school, separated at internship but reunited again during the review. Jho must be one of the few people who knows me inside out. And I know her the same way. Yung mata pa lang alam mo na ang sinasabi. That's us!  

She's so freaking busy with her residency now that I must be thankful that she took time to visit us (and climb 21 flight of stairs since the elevator in the building is acting up!) on the last few hours that we are in Pinas. We haven't seen each other for two whole years! So there's a lot of catching up to do that one whole day would not be enough. 

The first batch of my visitors at home are my DTTB friends whose friendship I have treasured all the way back to med school. Marifah and Papay are my college classmates too but DTTB bonded us closely as ever! I was so thrilled to see my iniyae Nasheba and her little munchkin, the super cute cute, Dana Ateeqah! Nash was 3 months pregnant when I left for Bangkok and now, so much have changed since the last time we see each other. Mashaa Allah. :) I was so happy to see Papay with her baby bump and Marifah to be beautiful as ever! 

L-R: Marifah, Nash and Dana, Amina and I, Papay and her baby bump :D 

Amina meets Dana. 

Nash and I were super overjoyed when our daughters finally met!!! Nash is one of my strong support system while I was pregnant and even after I gave birth. She's one of my friends, (along with Sal and Gans) whom I frequently talk to whenever I am bothered with pregnancy symptoms and/or breastfeeding issues. Having gone through what I was going through, they were like cheerleaders who were assuring me and giving me a pat on my back. Sadly though, it was impossible for me to meet Sal and her baby Aniyyah who is only weeks older than Amina; and Gans who live in Davao and Parang, respectively.  

Bainary, her sister-in-law, and her sister Jannah also visited us at home. Aside from being blood-related, they're one of the closest family friend we have. Our Moms were best of friends that even after their Mom's passing (may Allah grant her jannah tul firdaus), our families are still close as ever. Bainary is one of the people I look up to in the medical field. We've been house mates for a year during our med school years and I have witnessed her discipline and passion in to what she does. She has guided me all throughout my med school years and PGI-ship at PGH. 

Amina is sitting on the lap of Bainary, the first Meranao Gyne-Oncologist. Mashaa Allah! I know that being proud is prohibited in Islam, so I must say, I cannot contain my happiness for you!!! 

My precious, Ate Diane, and I used to meet at ComCent over coffee, pizza and isaw every time I come home. Now, she went to visit us at home to see her inaanak. She's one of the very few people whom I had broken the news of my pregnancy and after expressing how happy she was for me, she volunteered to be the Ninang of my child. We don't have Ninongs/Ninangs in our culture but I am so glad to have her as my daughter's one and only ninang! Whatever happens to me in the future (God forbids! haha!), I know that my daughter is in good hands. Few hours of catching up is so short for us (nag-brownout pa!) so I really hope to stretch the time of our chika when I come home again, in shaa Allah.  

                                        

                                       

My Tubaran girls went to see me too! Fine, the baby! Haha! It was so fantastic to see them again and hear about the latest news in Tubaran! How brilliant it is to find friends in a workplace that is far from civilization, and I find a genuine friendship in these girls. We've been through a lot establishing our roots in the municipality. I feel glad that Lady and Moks, together with a new team, are continuing what we have started while Pre moved on to medical school. Alhamdulillah!

L-R: Lady, Moks, Pre and I

I've met and laughed with nearly all the people that matters to me except my lifelong friends, my BGM girls. :( Almost 80% of us are not Marawi-based and since I had a hard time going out, only Koj and her lovely daughter Aasiyah came to visit. Most of us have families of our own now so I perfectly understand why it is so difficult for us to gather. But I still dream of that day that we get together, even for a day, with our kids! Now that would be a major riot! For now, our private chat room suffices. :)       

                           

Lincoj my dear and her Aasiyah who mesmerized my Amina. :D 

Jabar's nieces also came to visit! We hosted them for a week when they toured Bangkok and Siem Reap nearly a year ago, so when they heard that we were home, they came to see us. They're also my aunts on our Usman lineage. 

Mama was happy to entertain them! L-R: Mama, Amina and I, Liling, Elab, Katty and Jabar. 

You see, I asked my friends who wished to see me and my baby (actually, more of my baby. Haha!) to visit us at home instead of meeting up somewhere like we used to. That's one the changes that needed some adjusting. 

And last but not the least, Ate Keema and Mabi came a day before we leave for Manila! They're one of the few people I've grown to get close to in our Ranao Council family. I really pray for Mabi to be blessed with an angel na rin so we get to bond together with our mabilogs! In shaa Allah.  

With Same Mabi and Ate Keema. 

You know you're special and people are true to you when they hurdle obstacles to see you wherever you are. That's what Yas did, whom I fondly call Ags (from her surname Aguam, and she calls me Rons). She phoned me as soon as we arrived in Manila to tell me that she'd go and see me no matter what. It's so heartwarming to be surrounded by people like her who is oozing with positivity and energized by her dreams. Her enthusiasm in life is contagious! 

I want claim it, with the future Chief Justice, Atty. Sittie Yasmin Aguam. In shaa Allah!

Our short vacay may have only been spent mostly at home but it is truly meaningful having family and friends who showered us with love and appreciation. My siblings and I are all busy chasing our dreams without paying attention to the fact that as time passes by, our parents are growing older needing our company the most. Spending our vacation in the company of our beloved family is priceless. I still dream of the day that my family will be living under one roof again and be goofing and playing silly games with my siblings again. That is far from possible especially now that two of us have our own family already and soon enough, my other siblings will be marrying off. But a reunion can always take place. Besides, I wouldn't change anything that is happening in our lives right now. Allah has put each and every one of us in the perfect place where we should be. Alhamdulillah, it is great to see that we are all moving forward, by that alone, I know we are making our parents very happy. :) 

 Here are more photos, as if photos above are not enough. Hahaha!!!