Jabar came home today carrying empty balikbayan boxes. Balikbayan literally means repatriate and these huge boxes are privileged duty and tax free when sent to the Philippines by OFWs. The sight of these boxes signals that we are about to leave soon. That would be less than two months from now. I will have to say goodbye to my comfortable Bangkok life and say hello to chaotic Manila and God-knows what's in store for me there. I feel nostalgic about this city as early as now. Thinking about it, this is nothing new to me. I have been a nomad since I started medical school in Iligan City. I haven't stayed in one place for at least 5 years straight since then. I have lived in Iligan, Manila, Cotabato, and then back to Marawi for less than two years before I moved here in Bangkok. It's always a cycle of heartbreak from leaving the customary life I got used to (including saying goodbye to the people I got fond of) and then eventually settling into an unfamiliar environment. I never liked goodbyes. But this nomadic life teaches me a thing or two.
A Temporary World
Collecting things was a fad in my teenage years. I had friends who had likings for cute mugs, stuffed toys, note pads, note books, colognes or anything so long as we had a "collection" to call in order to fit into the circle. I collected colognes in high school and then started my book collection in college. I buy them from my school allowance so that means skipping a meal a day. Some of those in my circle elevated their collections into bags, shoes, make-ups and perfumes. Seeing my properly arranged cologne collections back then and my perfectly stacked books on top of my tiny cabinet brought so much satisfaction. Until I started moving from one place to another. Naturally, I only take with me my basic needs leaving everything behind back home. While I am away, some of my siblings like to take over my room and rearrange my stuff to accommodate theirs. Through the years, some of my "prized possessions" got lost (except the books which I usually leave inside my father's library so nobody touches them) and eventually realized that collecting unnecessary things only add up to the mess. I cannot take them wherever I go anyway. Hence, moving from place to another made me let go of "collecting" material things.
Islam strongly emphasizes that we, earthlings, are but travelers on this world. Someday, we will perish taking with us into our graves nothing but what our souls have acquired. We are always reminded how temporary this world is. This lessens my hold on material things by discriminating what I really need from what I only want (thus more savings for the husband? lol).
Change Is Constant
I should have known this gazillion years ago but I admit to have oftentimes fear change. I think I am the least person adaptable to change. I need plenty of time to acclimatize before situations finally sink in to my being. But I cannot stop it from happening. The universe is in constant motion of changes so does our nomadic life and I must accept that fact. Jabar usually finds me looking at old photos and tracking down physical changes or reminiscing the past. It's not a healthy habit, he told me. Frequently looking back on the past hinders you to enjoy your present, he reminds me. There, hard truth shoved right on my face. I guess I need to delete my timehop app.
Allah Is The Best Planner
Hardly a day goes by without me thinking of what tomorrow would bring. If a telescope is drilled inside my head, you will see my mind thinking like a domino. Rarely do I not ponder on the consequences of every action or circumstance. So I always have a plan at hand, always an A and a B. The bad thing though is, I am not a flexible person. I get frustrated once my plans didn't push through. I would like to be spontaneous but I have difficulty getting it into my system. One thing that I keep forgetting is the presence of a Great Force that arranges the sequence of my life in a suitable manner.
Hellos and goodbyes should have been incorporated in me by now. This is the life that we will live for as long as Jabar stays in the Foreign Service. We will have to raise multilingual third culture kids who will struggle with fitting their identity into their community. Alright, that's me thinking twenty years ahead to the future. What I mean is, I should get used to this.
A Temporary World
Collecting things was a fad in my teenage years. I had friends who had likings for cute mugs, stuffed toys, note pads, note books, colognes or anything so long as we had a "collection" to call in order to fit into the circle. I collected colognes in high school and then started my book collection in college. I buy them from my school allowance so that means skipping a meal a day. Some of those in my circle elevated their collections into bags, shoes, make-ups and perfumes. Seeing my properly arranged cologne collections back then and my perfectly stacked books on top of my tiny cabinet brought so much satisfaction. Until I started moving from one place to another. Naturally, I only take with me my basic needs leaving everything behind back home. While I am away, some of my siblings like to take over my room and rearrange my stuff to accommodate theirs. Through the years, some of my "prized possessions" got lost (except the books which I usually leave inside my father's library so nobody touches them) and eventually realized that collecting unnecessary things only add up to the mess. I cannot take them wherever I go anyway. Hence, moving from place to another made me let go of "collecting" material things.
"Know that the life of this world is only play, and idle talk, and pageantry, and boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children; as the likeness of vegetation after the rain, whereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller, but afterward it drieth up and thou seest it turning yellow, then becometh straw. And in the Hereafter there is grievour punishment, and (also) forgiveness from Allah and His good pleasure, whereas the life of the world is but matter of illusion." Holy Qur'an (57:20)
Islam strongly emphasizes that we, earthlings, are but travelers on this world. Someday, we will perish taking with us into our graves nothing but what our souls have acquired. We are always reminded how temporary this world is. This lessens my hold on material things by discriminating what I really need from what I only want (thus more savings for the husband? lol).
Change Is Constant
I should have known this gazillion years ago but I admit to have oftentimes fear change. I think I am the least person adaptable to change. I need plenty of time to acclimatize before situations finally sink in to my being. But I cannot stop it from happening. The universe is in constant motion of changes so does our nomadic life and I must accept that fact. Jabar usually finds me looking at old photos and tracking down physical changes or reminiscing the past. It's not a healthy habit, he told me. Frequently looking back on the past hinders you to enjoy your present, he reminds me. There, hard truth shoved right on my face. I guess I need to delete my timehop app.
"[...]but it may happen that you hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knoweth, you know not." Holy Qur'an (2:216)
Allah Is The Best Planner
Hardly a day goes by without me thinking of what tomorrow would bring. If a telescope is drilled inside my head, you will see my mind thinking like a domino. Rarely do I not ponder on the consequences of every action or circumstance. So I always have a plan at hand, always an A and a B. The bad thing though is, I am not a flexible person. I get frustrated once my plans didn't push through. I would like to be spontaneous but I have difficulty getting it into my system. One thing that I keep forgetting is the presence of a Great Force that arranges the sequence of my life in a suitable manner.
"[...]they plan, but Allah also plans; and Allah is the Best of Planners." Holy Qur'an (8:30)Allah has proven to me many times over how a failed plan lead to a more productive alternative. Never did living abroad passed through my mind, but marrying someone in the Foreign Service is a consequence of my choice. When Jabar accepted the posting in Nigeria (he was an adventurous single guy then), he was assured of crossposting to Pakistan after two years. His travel order was already made but circumstances further delayed his crossposting. We almost lost hope and I already settled my mind of a life in Africa. Nothing's bad about that, Abuja is a great place for expats. But when he caught malaria for the fourth time, it pushed him to write a letter to their home office to recall him if crossposting will not take place. He was then crossposted to Bangkok few months before I end my DTTB stint. Subhanallah. Indeed, Allah knows what's best for us.
Hellos and goodbyes should have been incorporated in me by now. This is the life that we will live for as long as Jabar stays in the Foreign Service. We will have to raise multilingual third culture kids who will struggle with fitting their identity into their community. Alright, that's me thinking twenty years ahead to the future. What I mean is, I should get used to this.
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