Ear Buddies

Hello, friends! Thanks to everyone who dropped a comment on my  previous blogpost. It's heartwarming to know that some of my friends, even if there's only 3 or 5 people of you, are reading my written thoughts. I hope I impart a little through sharing my life experiences. For the past decade of being here and on social media, I have gained a lot of knowledge through the people whose pages/accounts provide beneficial information. While many people agree that social media brought destruction to the fabric of our society, I think it really depends on how we consume it and not allowing these platforms to consume us. 

In this post, I'm going to share with you the podcasts I've been listening to for quite a while now. I've been a huge podcast listener during my housewife days in Bangkok, in a way it helped me clear out the conversations in my head and cope with the emotional distress I didn't acknowledge I had. I devoured  Ted Talk, Muslim Sheikhs like Mufti Menk and Nou'man Ali Khan, and my morning barkada: The Morning Rush (with Chico, Gino and Delle). I follow these people on Instagram even after Gino and Delle left the show. That's how I learned about The Eve's Drop. 

The Eve's Drop is hosted by three former women DJs of RX 93.1 --- Delamar, Gelli and Fran, produced by another former DJ Jude Rocha. Jude also participates in their convo. They talk about current events and pop culture; and guest significant people. As a woman and a mom, it's very easy to relate to them, especially during the start of this pandemic, I listen to them more often. 

In contrast to what The Eves are talking about, obviously these two ulamas deliver Islamic talks and most importantly, how to live in this highly corrupted society. I love how they remind us to always have hope in the mercy of Allah swt, and that His mercy supersedes His wrath. They don't bash other religions or those who do not strictly follow Islam, rather gives hope that these people may find spiritual enlightenment. They speak kindly but remind sternly that everything on earth is temporary. 

Mindful Muslimah is an American revert who lives in New York and serves as an older sister or in Filipino, "Ate", to her Muslim women followers. She's a niqabi and prefers to keep her identity private. She shares a lot about marriage, parenting, homeschooling, relationships, all within the context of Islam. Alhamdulillah. She's pretty much the life coach I've been looking for. She speaks about living as a Muslim woman/mom in this modern world. She also started a Book Club and of course you don't need to guess who got herself in! Lol. 

 

I love Michelle Obama. Period. Haha! In Meranao phrase, she is: "pka-datu iyan si karoma niyan" (in direct translation, she who can make her husband a king) that every mother looks for in a daughter-in-law. She's the greater force behind her husband's political career. She took care of the family while keeping her own career as a lawyer and still able to push her personal advocacies --- while her husband is in politics. She did that with a very minimal support system: her mother and few friends. Her podcast featured people close to her like her own family members, and selected friends who are a huge part of their administration. 

I hope you enjoy these podcasts as much as I do! You don't need a "spare" time in listening to them because you can do it while on to other things like driving, cooking or doing the laundry. It keeps you from possible negative thoughts and fills it in with inspirational messages from these empowered people. They are all on Spotify, btw.

Happy listening!

On Parenting

My eldest, Yamyam (Amina Mariam), is turning two years old in few days which means it’s been two years since Jabar and I became parents! The fun part is becoming parents to TWO KIDS in a span of TWO YEARS! Hahahaha! No guys, I’m way too far from being an expert in this parenting business but I’m going to share with you bits of what I’ve learned as a Mom.

Yamyam playing with stones

  

1.)  Each child has a unique pace of development

You know how when you’re pregnant for the first time and you download all the apps that tracks your baby’s development? We’re so excited, right? When the baby is still in the tummy, I think it’s alright to keep track every single minute that your baby is growing his ears or opening his eyes, etc. But when he’s already out in this world, there’s a certain age range for him to achieve his developmental milestones. So don’t fret when he’s not yet rolling over at 4 months, or not yet sitting on his own at 8 months. Your baby’s just finding his perfect time and eventually he’ll get there.  

      2.) There’s no manual for parenting

I wish there’s one so we can just follow the steps especially on the troubleshooting part aka tantrums, unfortunately, there’s none. All the parenting articles out there or even books and apps are merely GUIDES. I believe the key is to not compare your child to other kids and even yourself to other parents. You may have breastfed your child while others may not have for some valid reasons. Baby-led weaning may have worked for them but not in your household. Others may have raised their children in a Montessori environment but unfortunately for you, you don’t have that kind of environment. THAT’S PERFECTLY FINE. Do what works for you and for your family.

Amreen at 4 months old

3.)  Kids do not need fancy stuff

We, parents, want the best for our children. However, what is deemed best may be quite expensive. There was an instance when I bought a quite pricey toy because apparently, it is good for an infant’s sensory and visual development, a perfect teething aide and it garnered excellent reviews and even endorsed by celebrities! But when I got home and so excited for my little daughter to play with it, she threw it and didn’t even like getting a grip of it! Ugh. See? Most often than not, we buy stuff for our own satisfaction, stuff that our kids barely need in actuality. Whenever I am in the kids’ section, I always ask myself: am I buying this for my baby, or for my own satisfaction because it is Instagram-worthy? *rolls eyes at myself*

4.) Every child is different

As well as every pregnancy. Yes. When I was pregnant with my second child, I was expecting the exact same experience as with my firstborn. I was even expecting them to look exactly the same! Hahaha! Oh boy was I wrong. I have now two daughters who are completely different from each other, and in some ways, raised differently. Yamyam was delivered normally but was only breastfed for two months while Amreen was delivered via CS (she was a breech baby!) but exclusively breastfed until as of writing time. Yamyam is mini-Jabar while Amreen is mini-me (although a lot of people still says that she looks more like her father. Ugh. No way, I insist she looks like me guys!). Yamyam is the rowdy one while Amreen is more quite and lady-like (yes, I can say that even though she’s only 8 months old. Lol!). I hate comparing them two, or even hearing other people comparing them, because they are two unique individuals. Children can be raised in a single household by the same parents but they’ll eventually grow up with different inclinations, wants and needs.

Yamyam enjoying a book at the day care

5.) Be in the moment, they’re not going to be the way they are now forever

Several months ago, I deleted my Twitter app on my phone followed by my Facebook app. Being detached from social media and all the negativities it brings gave me more time to be mentally present with my kids. I got to observe their little nuances and even the arrangement of the pores on their skin. As I was scanning through Yamyam’s infant photos, I felt a little nostalgic. It wasn’t too long ago (that was just last year!) when I was holding her in my arms swaying her around until she falls asleep. I don’t do that to her anymore and most of the time she doesn’t want to be carried any longer. She even pushes me because she wants to run, run, and run around. Aaaawww… so I cherish every single second that Amreen wants to be carried by me especially when she yearns for my breasts to be able to sleep. The time will come that, just like her sister, she won’t be breastfeeding anymore and won’t be needing me as much as she does now.  

6.) They’ll eventually learn to be independent

There were moments before that I thought I should have practiced baby-led weaning for Yamyam so it would be effortless on my part to feed her. I find it so difficult to spoon feed a child who refuses to eat! There’s too much drama and stress. Until two months ago, I realized that she refuses to eat because she wants to hold the spoon by herself! She wants to eat alone and drink from her glass of water without needing much assistance from me! Oh my child, how you’ve grown. So moms, don’t stress out when your baby seems over clingy. You’ll be surprised one day they do their own things alone.

7.) Subsequent babies are easier to handle than the first ones

Of course because we already know the drill. Besides, I want to believe that we’re correcting our mistakes this time around so we’re doing things better than what we did with our firstborn. With our second babies (and the succeeding ones), we become less of a worrywart. We know that it’s ok if they lose their balance and hit the floor while trying to master the art of walking, we don’t get cyanotic first when our babies gag on their first few solid food intake, and yes, your baby is completely fine if he gets bitten by mosquitoes once in a while or accidentally sustained an abrasion on his knees. It’s not always your fault, Moms, it’s just your kids being kids!

If you’re the kind of Mom who fret at every little thing concerning your children’s upbringing, well, you’re not alone but first, chillax. Breathe. Tantrums will eventually cease and your children will grow and you will miss them. Always remember to be in the moment. Play with them, laugh with them, shower them daily with lots of hugs and kisses. Give yourself some me-time, pamper yourself, eat good food and be healthy. What really matters is our family’s happiness and saving our own sanity. I hope some points here did help and may we raise our children gracefully and lovingly. Have a great day, Mommies! 

Life has a distinct way of tossing at us incredible twists and turns that majorly disrupts our plans for the future. There are detours and setbacks which are, in retrospect, part of the Divine Plan arranged for us by The Great Force maneuvering our lives. We should always think of these segues as part of putting us on the right track. Other people would give an arm and a leg to catch what you were tossed with. 

This time, I shall put on hold worrying/thinking about the future. I shall enjoy all these beautiful surprises, which are not part of my plan, but definitely a plan of my Creator. For He is the Best of Planners, I could never be audacious to ever question His plans. And yes, life doesn't get as exciting as now.

I am but a grateful creature. 

Big Three Oh!

Spare me from those who dread getting old because I am one of those who celebrate the inevitable increase in age. My heart is swelling with gratitude as I reach my big 3-0 as I often associate age with accomplishments. I live my life based on a timeline I set. There may be adjustments based on Divine Intervention which are mostly beautiful surprises thrown along the way but, alhamdulillah, I have targeted most of the goals I set for myself. The most important thing I have accomplished before I turn 30 is having a child. It is the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me in my 30 years of existence! I couldn't be more grateful! 

Photo taken last February at a temple in Chinatown in time for the Chinese New Year. Behind me is a portrait of the longest reigning  and the richest monarch in the world, King Bumhibol Adulyadej (Rama IX). I was 3 months pregnant in this photo. 

I have transitioned a lot this year. Aside from being a full time wife, I am now a full time mom (until we return to the Philippines and I go into residency). I have learned to value substantial relationships with the people who really mattered to me such as my parents, siblings and friends who have stood beside me through thick and thin, I have learned to let go of those who doesn't value me back as a person. We live in a temporary world, whatever we have now will vanish into thin air someday, so I have also learned to live in the present and cherish each second I spend with my love ones.  

At this age, all I want is continuous good health for my parents, siblings and nephew, husband, daughter and for myself. I pray for an increase in my imaan (faith) and knowledge; and to be able to fulfill what is expected of me as a Muslim, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and as a friend. I pray to be able to hone my craft as a physician and touch more lives. I pray to have a more grateful, forgiving, patient and joyous heart. 

I plan but Allah is the Best Planner. 

Maternity Shoot

Last Sunday, my husband Jabar gave in to one of my wishes---an outdoors maternity shoot. It was very amateur as we had his sister who's temporarily staying with us to get behind the camera while Jab and I did the directing and, of course, acting! It was also very awkward as it is our first time to do something like this (we previously didn't have a prenup or postnup photo shoots). Hahaha! I'm sharing with you the best shots that we were able to muster. 

I searched the internet for some posing ideas as well as the best location here in Bangkok which turned out to be at the King Rama IX Park,  the largest green space in the city. 

That ring I was wearing was from my Mom, her own wedding ring that she handed down to me. It used to be very loose on my finger but now, it fits snugly! 

One thing I realized, we should have done this at around 30-33ish weeks AOG when the baby bump is evident but not too huge and the body swelling has not yet materialized. I'm on my 38th week now so aside from the discomfort arising from the heavy bulging of my entire body, there's a threat that I might just contract anytime. Haha! 

I'm really glad that we were able to pull it off even though 1.) we're not still very familiar with our EOS-M Canon (yan na nga lang hirap na ako ano na lang 'pag yung mga highly professional cams? tamad lang talaga akong aralin ang specs nya. lol!) 2.) it was soooo hot! 3.) worst case that can happen in a photo shoot? Run out of battery and having no extra to use!! It happened! So we had very limited shots plus we were in a hurry as the red warning sign blinks. Kaloka! But it was a fun day and I'm grateful that Jabar was cool about it! 

Quarter-Life Crisis

If you happened to read my previous post about The Secret, it has something to do with me undergoing "quarter-life crisis" pala. I just learned about it when I was reading an article and came across with the word. It summarized everything that I was feeling, I was going through a phase pala that I didn't recognize. What I knew was that I felt a lot of resentment about everything. It happened right after I was deployed in Maguindanao for my DTTB stint and eventually got married. Everything seemed to happen swiftly that I lost track to cope. I thought everything was perfect for me--- I had my license as a physician and earned respect from society, I have a fulfilling job, I married the kind of person I was praying for--- but I was feeling doomed. I dealt with a lot of emotional pains caused by too many factors and here, let me count the ways: 

1.) The hassles of being a Doctor to The Barrio
   
      Being pulled out from one province to another due to a rift with the local chief executive, going to the mountainous terrains, walking under the sun to reach barangays located in what seems to be the endmost part of the world, dealing with hard-headed and delinquent staff, seeing the miserable condition of the people in a municipality forgotten by civilization; and at the same time, witnessing the fabulous and glamorous lifestyle of the handful of people who are supposed to make life easy for those in the far-flung mountains. I was witnessing the irony in my own society. I was disillusioned. I cannot believe how money and power can rip off some people's conscience, rendering oppression to those in the lower strata and how the latter can all be purely innocent of the injustice lashed at them. For two years during my whole DTTB stint, I was in complete desolation. Yes, I have survived DTTB, I am in a good state now, but the people in the municipality I had left are still eating out from one powerful man's hand, struggling through their daily survival, waiting for a miracle to happen.

   For two years, I have witnessed how corruption from the lowermost level occurs and how the people from the grassroots suffer the consequence and worse, how they tolerate the powerful ones as if stealing the money rightfully owned by the mass is a normal thing to do. And the worst feeling is knowing that you are not, by any means, capable of doing something about it. I came to a point of wishing DTTB would end soon so I can get out of the loop to stop witnessing everything. 

2.) Long distance relationship

      Before my husband and I got married, he already talked me out of the DTTB stint and offered to pay back my scholarship so I can join him in his post in Nigeria. I vehemently refused because I was really looking forward to DTTB and I know I will regret it if I wouldn't join the program. I have already accepted our LDR set-up thinking that I have never been emotionally dependent to one person so it wouldn't be a problem. One month after we got married, he left for Africa and we were both back to our pre-marriage routine. Much to my huge surprise, I had a severe separation anxiety that I had occasional outbursts of crying!! Adjusting with the contrasts in our personality with a seven-hour time difference, it was one hell of a crazy LDR. Thanks to technology, but it wasn't enough to make up for the physical absence. Facetime or viber cannot detect the real mood or environment we were in so there were plenty of times when I would burst into outrage and he had no idea why, and then later on he would find himself profusely apologizing for something he did not understand. I was just PMS-ing lang pala. Hahaha! Thank God, he was/is very patient with me. Oh well, he now has a broad understanding of women and he had my mood swings to thank for. Haha!

3.) Pressure from attending to social obligations

      I was never a social butterfly as opposed to my own mother. Being labeled as "the physician daughter of *insert my mother's name here*" and immensely after I got married, I forced myself to pretend to be the social butterfly that I am expected to be and forced my brain to memorize family genealogy. It is quite difficult to be in the Meranao society, I tell you. You are forced to be who you are NOT because of  certain expectations coming from certain labels, and if you fail to live to that expectation then expect murmurs about you behind your back. Guess I will have to live with those murmurs and just shrug my shoulders as I live my life because honestly, I cannot live to pretend. 

4.) Pressure from the masteral classes

       The biggest perk (the ONLY perk actually) of being in the Doctors to the Barrios Program is being enrolled for free in a masteral classes in the prestigious Development Academy of the Philippines. The classes, which we call the Continuing Medical Education or CME, are conducted every six months for two whole weeks in the DAP Convention Center in Tagaytay City. CMEs are always being looked forward to as a breather and a refresher, it is what every DTTB loves. Upon returning to area, we were bombarded with assignments and action plan and projects (APPs) that needed beating a deadline. With the fluctuating internet connection in our place and with the impending works in the rural health unit, it was hard juggling my role as a student, head of unit and subordinate all at the same time. 

5.) The chaotic world

        Everywhere I looked at was chaotic--the core of the society I live in, my country, the whole world is in the verge of war. Natural catastrophes ground us to rubble because of man's own doings. My eyes opened up to the real world and how miserable it is. Negativity started to sunk into my being, it was eating me from within and my whole perspective about this world started to change. I was letting the happy girl in me slip into a hopeless being. Everything, including my own room, was in chaos.


It never occurred to me that the transition from my extended adolescence to adulthood would be a formidable one. I realized that I actually underwent a life-changing phase when I already emerged out of it. Haha! Yeah, it was quite late but I'm just glad that I managed to get through everything unscathed. I am grateful I'm surrounded by the positively-energized people who peppered me with relevant advice and it also helped that I read self-help books. I read all the three books of Rhonda Byrne: The Secret, The Power and The Magic, I read the entire Qur'an (the English translation) for the first time and tried to understand it by consulting some verses with my father who has better understanding of the Holy Book and of Islam and I listened to lectures of Islamic scholars particularly Mufti Menk and Yasmin Mogahed. Perhaps when you're conscious that something is going wrong in your life, it is a reflex that you try to bind yourself together by looking within you the purpose of your very existence. I clung to my faith and by counting my blessings, all the chaos and negativities hovering above me gradually disappeared. The greatest thing that happened to me while I was in crisis was accepting that what is happening in our lives is way beyond our control, that we can only do so much, and recognizing the power of The One Above who is The Best Planner, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful. I believe I understood more things now about my faith than I do before, and there are still a good measure that I am yet to learn and understand.

I am grateful to three people who got my back while I was in crisis, the three people who made me see how blessed I am and who returned my positive outlook in life, they are the ones who I constantly talk to about my problems, who had awkwardly seen me crying, and despite my tantrums and everything, they still loved me unconditionally: my father, my husband and my brother J. I love you three!! 

Protons

              When everything seems perfect in my life, I plummeted into the darkest pit called Negativity. I became spiteful, irritable and reproachful. I became a monster I never figured out I would be in my dire attempt to keep everything around me in order. I had a constant feeling of disappointment, frustrations and hopelessness. I was full of doubts and mistrust. It certainly had a tremendous effect on my relationship with my loved ones. They are the ones who suffered for my twisted negative thinking. Until I came across a book called The Secret. It holds the greatest secret of all prominent men in history---POSITIVITY. It talks about the power of positive thinking and how you can convert your negative thoughts into positive ones. Life is very simple, we should always keep in mind that "what we give, we receive". Human beings are likened to transmission towers of powerful energy manifested by our thoughts and feelings. 

(Googled photo)

                Like a powerful transmission tower, what we give out into the Universe through our thoughts and feelings about the different aspects of our lives -- relationships, health, dreams, and finances--- will bounce back to us in equal or even more intensified. If we practice positivity in our daily lives, we will exercise patience, compassion and gratitude. We will have an open heart and mind, we feel like our life works harmoniously with the Universe. Everything flows smoothly, even if we are faced with difficult obstacles, we can easily get off the hook and proceed spontaneously as we wish it to be. The main ingredient of this book, the superstar of them all is gratitude. Sometimes, when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, the rest of our day is ruined. That is because we didn't find around us anything to be grateful for, we were not being grateful for the life given to us by Him.

                   I know this would be no easy feat but I am trying to live the proton life every single day. The most amazing thing about it is that I have understood the very essence why we, Muslims, are required to pray five times a day. We do not pray to merely ask but we pray in order to be grateful, to speak the two powerful words "Thank You", at least five times a day to nonetheless but the Creator. We thank Him for every single minute miracles in our lives, from the air we breathe, our circulating blood, our family and friends and every single source of happiness and joy in this world. 

                    I encourage you to look around you and find something to be grateful for. Also, when you pray, do not ask for anything without expressing your gratitude first. Feel it and you will receive, in shaa Allah. Join me in sprinkling protons in this world! Let's start by sharing a HUGE smile to the people we meet and everyone around us. Smile, it's sadaqah (charity). :)