We were heading to our respective workplaces yesterday morning when my husband Jabar informed me that he didn't make it to the promotion list in his office. He was sort of expecting it already but was hopeful that his performance in his hardship post assignment in Nigeria will get him promoted. One major criteria for promotion in his line of work is a continuing education (equivalent to continuing medical education among doctors) which means having enrolled in a masters class or, at least, a language class provided by the Foreign Service Institute. I have been pestering him to enroll in a language class since last year but his excuse was that he didn't want to lessen his time with his kids. I understand but his career has to progress.
During the early days of my residency training,
our helper decided that she didn't want to work for us anymore so Jabar and I were left with no one but ourselves. I didn't want to quit residency so I had to work extra hard balancing motherhood and my training. To say that the daycare center in Jabar's office is a major help is an understatement. The daycare saved my career. For 3 months that we've been helper-less, our daily routine consisted of bathing the kids at night so we only scoop them out of bed as early as 6am to hit the road while the kids are still sleeping. I go with them to his office, drop the kids at the daycare to change them into their new clothes and feed them breakfast. Then at 7am, off I go to my workplace which is only around 10-minutes away from my husband's office. That was the time that I was able to decipher Allah's plans for me when I got rejected in my application for Internal Medicine residency. Had I pursued IM, I know it won't take long before I quit considering that situation. Gladly, the workload in Family Medicine is not that heavy so I can go still go home as soon as the clock ticks 5pm. At home, Jabar and I divided the work. It's either I cook and he cleans the house and bathes the kids, or vice versa. During weekends, I do the laundry and ironing of clothes. I squeeze in whatever time left studying for my monthly exams and writing reports. It was a crazy 3 months!!!
Although FM residency is lighter than the other major fields, I am still a freshman who has to strictly comply with many department rules. I attend lectures during weekends or after office during weekdays. Jabar did adjusting the most, especially when I am on duty and he's left alone with two toddlers. He gives them a bath, feed them, put them to sleep and clean the house. He had to skip office whenever one of the kids get sick. During those time, he never told me to quit residency to focus on our family instead. Never. He continued to support me and we lived one day at a time.
Presently, we don't have a helper for the next two weeks as Ate Belle, our helper for almost 4 months, went home for a quick vacation. So the daily routine we had during our helper-less days is back. But it is not without a twist. It feels more difficult now that I am 26 weeks pregnant and the kids are heavier than several months ago! I can no longer carry either of the kids with my belly protruding and carrying another bag, even a light one. With pregnancy discomfort sets in, it is more difficult to move around doing household chores, but I had no choice but to stand strong and do what I have to do without acting like a damsel in distress to an already-stressed husband.
That, my friends, is the very reason why Jabar is not yet eager to enroll in any further studies in order to get promoted. He cannot do it while I am on residency training, not the season for it, he told me, smiling. Life has its different seasons. During the winter season of your life, do not wish for spring as it will eventually come. All we can do is appreciate the beauty of the season of life where we are presently in. Jabar is enjoying every single moment he is spending with our daughters, while he lets me proceed with my residency training. Our situation right now will not go on forever, he assured me. I will eventually finish residency and the kids will grow up and will need us less as they explore the world, then in shaa Allah that's the perfect time he can also proceed with his postgrad studies. Who knows, he might even have an opportunity to enroll in a prestigious uni abroad while he's at Post?
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| Jabar and our eldest, Yamyam. |
One thing I admire most about my husband is his positive outlook in life and his resilience in whatever storm that come his way. I think I said this before but I never heard him complain while he faces each day with a strong demeanor. I pray for him everyday, may Allah give him all the best things in this world and in the hereafter because he is one of the genuinely good-hearted people I know. I love him so dearly, isn't it obvious? Haha!
