Maturity as defined in psychology is "the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner", it does not come with age; nevertheless, people are expected to behave in a certain way appropriate to their age. Maturity is generally learned rather than instinctive, it develops depending on the different circumstances people are exposed to, or depending on the model they look up to. Apart from actual life occurrences, we acquire maturity based on the examples led by people before us or from the characters of movies or TV shows we've seen, or from the books we read. The word maturity entails change which means that as we go through the various phases of life, we ascend to a certain level of maturity that allows us to change our attitude, response and behavior in a better way. Most often than not, these changes also include our relationship with the people around us. During that difficult phase in my life, I learned plenty of things about myself, accepted my mistakes, and vowed to turn over a new leaf which ultimately resulted to a better relationship with my family and my husband. Through these years, I am continuously learning from all the circumstances I am put through. Let me just give you a quick rundown on my #lifelessons:
a. Some so-called "friends" can easily turn away from you
Friends are our family outside our home, while we can classify them from being an "acquaintance" to "close" to "best" friends depending on the level of knowing each other through and through to the level of outpouring of emotions to one another. In my 29-years, I have gained a lot of friends from all walks of life and I adore most of the friends I have. The last time I was into a major squabble was in grade-school, and if my memory serves me right, I was not the one who started such. My bestfriend and I often refer to ourselves as the "bullied ones", never the bullies. We would usually sulk in silence in one corner until the other party agrees to befriend us again. Oh, those days. I don't have any recollection of anybody who complained about my attitude towards them, including those I befriended in the workplace. I always keep my relationship in constant check as I try to avoid any trouble with anyone. Hence recently, I was taken aback when a so-called friend, without even speaking to me, threw nasty tweets apparently directed at me, accusing me of trash-talking her. She even has more horrendous accusations questioning my personality that I never thought would come out of her mind. I never expected her to think of me that way considering how much I adore her as an academically intelligent and a generally nice person. I never thought she had all those accumulated judgment about me all throughout the years that we're "friends". The saddest part is that she never talked to me or confronted me to clarify the things that caused her anger towards me, I am left without defense. I realized later on through her actions (not replying to my social media messages and eventually totally blocking me out) that her anger, was indeed, towards me. I was initially fumed but thinking it through, I decided to keep my silence all along. Perhaps, we haven't invested that much into our relationship as "friends" that it was easy for her to turn her back on me. Perhaps, we were just an "acquaintance" all along. It's sad but I guess, that's just how some people are.
b. Think before you click
Social media has given us too much power to express our thoughts, it provides an opportunity to showcase our skills and talents, and for some, show off material possessions. Much has been said about the effects of social media on people and their relationships. I have always been critical of my posts that I sift through my mind before clicking because I am well aware that anything I post is a reflection of my personality. I openly post my opinions about social events, politics, my work, and my fascinations. Little did I know that one vague post directed at show-off corrupt politicians would trigger an anger from the abovementioned friend. I didn't think it would hit her, she was far off my mind when I posted that, it was a general statement not directed to anyone but to "show-off corrupt politicians". As they say, one can only react when one's guilty, therefore I don't hold myself responsible for her reaction. But it cast a huge lesson for me, that is to think DEEPER before clicking. I thought I was a responsible enough social media user, apparently not. Perhaps, some of my friends and I have grown differing in political and social opinions that it brought us to a brink of ruining a friendship. I learned now that MOST THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT UNSAID.
c. Dismiss the hate whisperers
We cannot please everybody, somebody will always have something to say with whatever we do or we don't do. Our intentions will be taunted, hurtful and baseless accusations will be thrown at us but I learned to just IGNORE them. For as long as I know my truth, my loved ones and my God know me better than anyone. Besides, we are not supposed to be defined by other people's opinion of us. Them hate whisperers can sit and talk about you all day long because perhaps, they have nothing better to do with their lives, just ignore what they will have to say. If you join their mudslinging and nitpicking then you have just removed the barrier that differs you from them. There is bliss in ignorance. *winks*
d. Attitude of forgiveness
There are two sides of forgiveness: seeking it and granting it. When you think you're innocent, you don't see the importance of seeking forgiveness; and when you're badly hurt, forgiveness is beyond you. Islam has strongly emphasized the significance of seeking for forgiveness from God because sometimes, we are oblivious to the tiny sinful acts or thoughts. Islam also urges us to seek and grant forgiveness easily to those who has oppressed or hurt us. However, when pride and ego (or shaytaan) gets in the way, it is the MOST DIFFICULT THING TO DO. I was recently reading Nick Vujicic's Life Without Limits and he said something about forgiveness:
There are two sides of forgiveness: seeking it and granting it. When you think you're innocent, you don't see the importance of seeking forgiveness; and when you're badly hurt, forgiveness is beyond you. Islam has strongly emphasized the significance of seeking for forgiveness from God because sometimes, we are oblivious to the tiny sinful acts or thoughts. Islam also urges us to seek and grant forgiveness easily to those who has oppressed or hurt us. However, when pride and ego (or shaytaan) gets in the way, it is the MOST DIFFICULT THING TO DO. I was recently reading Nick Vujicic's Life Without Limits and he said something about forgiveness:
"An attitude of forgiveness set me free. You see, when you hold on to old hurts, you only give power and control to those who hurt you, but when you forgive them, you cut the ties with them. They can no longer yank on your chain. Don't get hung up on thinking that by forgiving you are doing them a favor; if nothing else, DO IT FOR YOURSELF."If I dwell on my friend's harsh judgments about me and I allow my pride to get into the way, then it would be probably hard for me to forgive her. I looked at the situation in a selfless manner, I set my pride aside, forgot what she said (all lies anyway), and gathered my courage to seek for her forgiveness. Besides, it was my post that started the brawl so I might as well end it. I sent her a message (as you know, I am one country away) apologizing for whatever I said that might have hurt her, no mudslinging no nitpicking, in a sheer hope that our friendship might be saved. Much to my fear of being ignored, I was seenzoned (hahahaha!). It's alright, by sincerely forgiving her and asking for her forgiveness, I set myself free.
e. Learn to let go and move on
The only thing constant in life, as they say, is change. People come and go, situations happen, but it will all pass. Cherish your friends, old and new, and make it a goal to create more meaningful relationships. Let go of those who are hurting you because there's no reason for you to nurse a heartache you don't deserve. Constantly hold on to your faith and never forget to pay your gratitude, things do happen for a reason and be thankful that God spared you for whatever further trouble there might have been. There is always a brighter future ahead for each and everyone of us, as long as we leave our old and dirty baggage behind, then there is no way for us but to proceed to the more beautiful things there is in life. :)
I want to end this post with some of the favorite wise words I read (mostly from the social media, or I heard quoted by someone else) which helped me deal with the nasty judgments:
"If evil be spoken of you and it be true, correct yourself; if it be a lie, laugh at it." - Epictetus
"When men speak ill of you, so live that nobody will believe them." -Plato
"I am thankful for the difficult people in my life. They have shown me exactly who I don't want to be." -Albert Einstein
