Choosing Hiatus

“That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose…Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect the recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood…Stop being who you were and become who you are.”

            For three weeks now, she’s scrutinizing her heart as somebody stole it from her chest—crushed it, stepped on it and ripped it on the open. She saw it bleed until no more viscous blood gushed from the poor organ and it went pallor.

            She does not blame that person.

            She’d rather blame herself for being vulnerable, for letting that person snatch the organ that keeps her alive. She could have guarded it.

            She’s still on the process of picking up the fragments of her heart and vascularizing the bruised, contused, and battered organ.

            She does not deny the presence of pain, for pain makes her human. This excruciating experience may be an indicative of growth. Awareness of its presence is at the same time reducing it and gradually letting it go.

            Her world’s may be gloomy these past three weeks, but she’s optimistic that the sun will shine on her again to nurture her heart so it can return to its place and start beating again.

            She presently chooses to dwell into the state of hiatus especially in circumstances that involves the fragile heart. She chooses to preserve her heart.

“In the words of a Persian sage: Love is a disease no one wants to get rid of. Those who catch it never try to get better, and those who suffer do not wish to be cured”

Memoirs of a Geisha

Rating:	★★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	History
Author:	Arthur Golden

I've been very intrigued with the kind of life Japanese Geisha leads since my childhood. Whenever I see posters of Japan (probably promoting their Tourism), images of geishas greet my eyes. I wonder if all Japanese women wear those mask-like make ups and colorful kimonos. I learned everything about geishas from this book, and the misconception about their being prostitutes are very well explained in this book. I recommend this one.

beinte dos

Exactly twelve years ago, I was celebrating my twelfth birthday with my group of friends back in sixth grade. Our juvenile minds were already concerned with what will become of us in the future. I imagined myself twelve years from that day as a tall, sophisticated, young lady; driving her own car; earning her own money; single; wearing a clean, white vest with a stethoscope clenched around her neck; her outfit matched with a glittering stilettos and a properly pinned hijab; and a pair of spectacles may add to my japorms.

Twelve years had passed since that afternoon and what had become of me? You see, I thought I would become a doctor at the age of twenty-two. Certainly not. I’m still in school, still a parasite to my parents. I never grew taller than five feet and two inches. I don’t know if I look sophisticated from other people’s eyes but surely, I am a young lady. I don’t have my own car because I am not yet earning my own money. (I’m gonna learn driving pretty soon). Yeah, I’m not committed. I wear clean, white uniform during schooldays, without a vest. I’m gonna have a stethoscope strangling me this semester and onwards. I’m not comfortable wearing stilettos on ordinary days and I try hard to pin my hijab so it would look orderly. I dread the day that I would wear spectacles for it indicates an eye disorder.

            At twenty two, I may not be the woman I imagined I would become but I’m proud to say that I finished a degree with quite a few flying colors and I am working on becoming that woman I dreamed of twelve years ago, without the spectacles please.

For my 22^nd birthday, I made a wish list of what I want to receive this year (ei, I’m giving you guys a clue, don’t you get it? Lol!) I actually made this three weeks ago.

1. Littman stethoscope 
2. A pair of comfortable shoes
3. A huge rectangular shoulder bag (to stuff in my essentials so I would no longer appear like a Christmas tree going to school with all the bitbits)
4. An alarm clock that sounds like an earthquake that about to swallow the earth. I badly need one to keep me awake.
5. Original DVD of House, M. D. and Grey’s Anatomy.

People, you know where to find me on my birthday. You know my number, you perfectly know where to contact me and where to mail the box! Hahah! And oh, I also like surprises.

The Lake House

A love story of two people from different periods of time. The man (Keannu Reeves, plays Alex an architect) lives in 2004 while the woman (Sandra Bullock, plays Kate a doctor) lives in 2006, a difference of two years. Their means of contact is through a mailbox by the lake house owned by Alex, which, eventually was rented by Kate. They virtually enjoyed the company of each other though they haven’t met for once in their lives, considering that they live in separate era. I mentioned it is a love story, well, yes, they fell in love. They fell in love to the point that they’re ready to give their whole heart to each other contemplating that the entire scenario is genuine.

 Of course it is a movie, after being moved by it we would end up appreciating the director, the scriptwriters, the actors and actresses for coming up with such a magnificent movie. But did it ever occur to you if this could happen in a real setting? Could this be possible? Can the man from the past communicate with the woman in the present or in the  future? How could that be? Hmmmm.. Physicists out there, this is a new thing for you guys to ponder on.

 Alex and Kate end up together as anticipated. She waited for him to meet her in the present year that she lives, that is, he has to live his life for two years and wait for the time to come. They WAITED for the right time to come, the time when the year wherein they both live will finally meet. Okay, so in the movie they waited. Let me shift back to reality; let’s assume that what happened in the movie could possibly happen. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you haven’t met in your entire life, creating an idea of him only through letters? Will you wait for that person to come into your life and hope that you will live happily ever after? What if you will spend your whole life waiting?

 I never involved myself into a serious boy-girl relationship. Not even once. Not even a chance. I realized how isolated I’ve let myself become. Believe me, you can get a bit desperate. How many times have I asked myself: are you ready, are you ready, are you ready? And how many times did I hear myself yell back: NO, NO, NO YOU”RE NOT!!! And so, I let all my feelings go and see them die. I’m not acting naïve, coy or demure in here, because I am not. I have opened my eyes to the culture that dictates that having a boyfriend is taboo (many disregard this though, but I am a norm-abiding person as you know), Islam says it’s harram, and my heart says that there’s something better coming around the corner. I shall wait then.

 Two-liner from Kate that, again, sounded like my echo:

“Here’s a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I push him away. In the meantime, the one man I can never meet, him I would like to give my whole heart to.”

Second Semester Classes Opening

Start:	Nov 5, '07 08:00a
End:	Nov 20, '07

Semestral Brrr-eak!

 Semestral Break was the time I look forward to when I was still an undergraduate student. It is synonymous to sleeping 'till noon, watching movies whole day and whole night, subscribing to unlimited texting, going out freely with friends, and reading fictional books that I missed during the peaks of exams.
          Now that I am in PostGrad School, I still look forward to SemBreak, but it's a lot different now. This is my time to patch up my social obligations with my family and friends. This means attending family affairs/gathering and catching up with friends whom I haven't seen and talked to for quite a long time.
          I got home from Iligan last week (Thursday), a day before the Eid. As expected, I get bombarded with family and organizational events. My family had a small salo-salo at home during the Eid, where my aunts, uncles and cousins traditionally brought food. The next night (Saturday night) follows the RC Rites for the new batch of members (Al-Fatihatul Aq'l), which includes my brother Jalal and my sister Amanee. The RC (Ranao Council) held a special assembly on Sunday, which I wasn't able to attend because I failed to get up early that morning due to fatigue caused by consecutive overnights preceding that day. My body surrendered to the luxury that sleep has to offer. Nevertheless, I went to the RC Dinner that night. Yesterday, Monday, I stayed at home the whole day and did my chores that I owe to my siblings for the entire semester that I've been away from home---cleaning the house, cooking and washing the dishes.
          I am at the Main Library at this very moment (Tuesday), I am planning to do an advance-reading on my Surgery book. This one made a great difference with my SemBreak, I used to throw all my notes and books under my bed when SemBreak comes and forget them for a while. This time, there's no way I'd do the same because I'd be leafing through them over and over again for the next four years, even after Med School I'll still find myself going back into the loving arms of these books.
          I'm halfway into the chapter I'm reading when the framed Map of the World caught my eye. I remember my fascination for world geography and history, so I set my book aside and looked for the World Atlas on the shelf and here I am locating my fave places in the world that I've been targetting to step my feet into in the very near future. 
          For the next two weeks before the opening of the second semester, I'm planning to finish all my L.I.'s (Learning Issues) that I'm going to present on the first day of school, finish reading Memoirs of a Geisha and The Zahir, finish House, M.D. series, visit to ukay-ukay, and more bonding with friends (ASS Kickers and Lily).

I'm MULTIPLIED!

Where do I start? (deep inhale..prolonged exhale..) This is my first time to post a blog here in this site, kinda new to me (blogging is not, though). I've been hearing about Multiply since last year but it didn't gave me any spark of interest. Jehan has been bugging me to create an account here but due to my endless fidelity to Friendster, I just gave her a shrug. Few nights ago, I slept over at Mabi's boarding house; our chitchat that lasted 'til dawn lead us to Multiply, Friendster, MySpace and all these sites that caters to people who either wanna express themselves or tie some connections. I couldn't figure out what kind of mantra she discreetly chanted on me that lead me into creating this account. Oh well,  it doesn't hurt to try something new anyway. So here I am, welcoming myself to Multiply!