The Becoming

"Why do you want to become a doctor?"

This is an essential and vital question being asked upon entering med school. I remember sticking to my truthful answer: because it's my lifelong dream. I may haven't known the rough road towards reaching it, all I know at that present moment was how much I wanted to become one. I didn't said anything heroic like helping the community or to become rich to help my family (because certainly, one doesn't get rich in the medical profession), or making the world a better place. Frankly, those were never my intentions. Being not a member of The Social Liability Club is already a contribution in making this world a better place, at least for me. Sure I do know that taking med school seriously means reading and re-reading mountain loads of medical books and locking yourself away from the wordly things, but I never had an inkling as to how the clinics go. Sure we were told that being on call means stopping whatever you're doing, including sex, and attend to patients. Easier said than done, eh? Now I have a hard time staying awake and pushing myself to the ER when an admission comes. It occurred to me how naive I was about a real doctor's life---how much time he sacrifices for his profession. The responsibilities a doctor is shouldering---to the humanity, to his colleagues and to medicine itself. During my me-times, I cannot help but wonder. Had I known the difficulty of going into the clinics, the hurly-burly world that is embedded in the medical profession, would I plunge into this? I probably would have considered another profession. But what?

I don't wonder why many doctors opted to become single for life. If one doesn't perfect the art of time management, then he shall choose between his profession and his personal life (read: getting married and having children). And most toughies I know opted the former. Honing a doctor's skills requires a long time, you don't stop when you earn your license. Being just a mere general practitioner puts you in the lowermost rank in the medical world. The only difference you have with a clerk or an intern is a piece of paper called license. You still have to undergo years and years of training to acquire that great status of being on the top hierarchy--- consultant. And when you become one, you realize how much personal time you've missed. 

I cannot think of anything that suits me best. I loved what I'm doing from the very beginning. But probably when all the energy and physical strength are exhausted and being put under too much pressure, it gets the best of us and we wanted to evaporate from the current boiling situation. At the end of the day, being a doctor is my cup of tea. This is my first love and we don't get easily unattached from our first love, right? If I haven't had the concrete answer on that very first question asked when I entered med school, probably  I can picture out everything in place now that I am towards the finish line. I want to make a difference. And plunging  into the medical profession, no matter how hard it seems, is my own way of achieving that difference I wanted. :) 

P.S.

I'm seriously in-love with Pediatrics I feel bad that we only have two weeks left in the department. :(