Of Faith

I oftentimes find myself hanging for words whenever I attempt to write about my faith--the Islamic faith. I can't seem to discern the words that would create cohesive statements. I never wrote anything about how adherent I am to my religion because I don't wanna sound too-good-to-be-true or you know, be like some people who tweet or facebook stuff like "Just finished praying Maghrib" or "Going to read the Qur'an" or something like that. There's NOTHING wrong with praying or reading the Qur'an, of course, that's how a devout Muslim should do but the wrong thing is actually tweeting it or putting it in your FB status. That sounds more like "Hey, look at me, I'm such a religious person" to me. Because you don't tweet or facebook your faith, you put it  in your heart and you act according to it. You shouldn't say you're a Muslim, you should act like a Muslim. Those are different and people should understand that.

Another reason why it's difficult for me to write about my faith is the fact that I'm in a complete struggle in maintaining the practices of a true Muslim. When I say true Muslim, this is the one who performs the 5 pillars of Islam with pure and sincere intention such as: a.) The recitation of Shahadah, that is witnessing that there is no god but Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) and that Prophet Mohammad (salallahu 'alaihi wasallam) is His messenger, b.) performing five daily prayers, c.) fasting during the holy month of Ramadhan, d.) giving Zakat or charity to the needy, and to those who can afford, e.) performing Hajj at least once in a lifetime. Aside from the five pillars, we are also to believe in the 6 Articles of Faith which are: a.) Belief in the Oneness of Allah, that you do not attribute any other god to Him b.) Belief in the existence of Angels, c.) Belief in the Books of Allah (Torah of Prophet Musa (alaihi salam), Psalms of Prophet Dawud (alaihi salam), Gospel of Prophet Isa (alaihi salam) and Qur'an of Prophet Mohammad (s.a.w)), d.) Belief in the Prophets of Allah, e.)  Belief in the Day of Judgment, and finally, f.) Belief that everything that happens is Willed by Allah. 

Moreover, a true Muslim also adheres to the sunnah of the Prophet Mohammad (s.a.w). The Holy Qur'an tells us to pray but it wasn't stated there how to pray, so there enters the sunnah or the hadith. It comprises of laws and practices of the Holy Prophet for mankind to follow suit. The Holy Qur'an tells the women to lower their gaze and cover their bosoms, now the Hadith tells us to cover our body showing only our faces, hands and feet. That's why we wear hijab and draw them on our chest, we are also not supposed to wear skimpy clothes, we should avoid laughing boisterously in public and most importantly, we are not supposed to go out with men who are not our mahram. 

Therefore I would not blame my blockmates if they say it is difficult to become a Muslim. Lahat na lang bawal, they would say. Yes, it is difficult from the point of view of non-Muslims as they are not accustomed to the practices and they are not aware of the rationale behind the practices. They find it weird and inhumane. For them, wearing the hijab is a sign of oppression as women in Islam cannot reveal their true selves--that rockstar in them. For them, fasting during Ramadhan is a punishment. For them, not being able to party and drink alcoholic beverages is a form of inhibition. But I am not here to preach about my religion, I leave them at that. Nor do I tell them that what they do is wrong because as my colleagues, I hold high respect for their beliefs and their own faith. Walang basagan ng trip, ika nga. 

I feel lucky to have been born in an Islamic household, where both of my parents are devout and pious Muslims who serve as the best example for us, their children. I believe that every Muslim should stand firmly  to being labeled a Muslim, that we should strive to become the best of what we are. However, in a world where our religion is badly stained by people who claim to be Muslims but are doing the exact opposite of what the religion teaches, it is difficult to prove them wrong. Nevertheless, the least we can do is to show them the image of a true Muslim. The real one. Not the one projected by the media. And there enters my own struggle in keeping my faith firm and consistent. I confess, among the abovementioned five pillars of Islam, I am only consistent with the recitation of the Shahadah and fasting during the Holy Month. As for the daily prayers, I am not able to complete the five daily prayers. I pray whenever I am at home, but I dismiss my prayers or even forget about the waqtu whenever I'm outside. But my conscience is eating me up inside. If you remember this, , then I still feel that way. It's not just about the prayer that boggles me as well, it is the whole conduct and behavior of a true Muslim that I cannot meet. Allah knows what is in my heart, how I try to become the best Muslim that pleases Him, because everything that I do is in accordance to worshiping The Almighty. That's how it should be. 

In retrospect, I still thank Him that He gives me this feeling of guilt, this eagerness to renew my faith and to seek and understand more about my religion because if He closes my ears, my sight and my heart then, boy, I'm in big trouble. So please, Ya Allah, strengthen my faith in You and continue leading me to the straight path. Ameen. 

I ask Allah's forgiveness and turn to Him in repentance.