Long Weekend Feels

I love how random moments become extraordinary when captured through the lens. *insert camera emoji here*  

  

I hope everyone enjoyed their long weekend! 

3/22

I laugh at you when I watch you devour your food with all that chewing sound and perspiration trickling down your forehead. You eat as though you haven't eaten for days! Look, you've influenced me so much that I became your major competitor in our "eating-game" (save the chewing sound though)! Now I have you to blame for these extra curves on my waist. I love you, birthday boy! You're officially four years older than I!

Ad Interim

Jabar came home today carrying empty balikbayan boxes. Balikbayan literally means repatriate and these huge boxes are privileged duty and tax free when sent to the Philippines by OFWs. The sight of these boxes signals that we are about to leave soon. That would be less than two months from now. I will have to say goodbye to my comfortable Bangkok life and say hello to chaotic Manila and God-knows what's in store for me there. I feel nostalgic about this city as early as now. Thinking about it, this is nothing new to me. I have been a nomad since I started medical school in Iligan City. I haven't stayed in one place for at least 5 years straight since then. I have lived in Iligan, Manila, Cotabato, and then back to Marawi for less than two years before I moved here in Bangkok. It's always a cycle of heartbreak from leaving the customary life I got used to (including saying goodbye to the people I got fond of) and then eventually settling into an unfamiliar environment. I never liked goodbyes. But this nomadic life teaches me a thing or two.

A Temporary World 

Collecting things was a fad in my teenage years. I had friends who had likings for cute mugs, stuffed toys, note pads, note books, colognes or anything so long as we had a "collection" to call in order to fit into the circle. I collected colognes in high school and then started my book collection in college. I buy them from my school allowance so that means skipping a meal a day. Some of those in my circle elevated their collections into bags, shoes, make-ups and perfumes. Seeing my properly arranged cologne collections back then and my perfectly stacked books on top of my tiny cabinet brought so much satisfaction. Until I started moving from one place to another. Naturally, I only take with me my basic needs leaving everything behind back home. While I am away, some of my siblings like to take over my room and rearrange my stuff to accommodate theirs. Through the years, some of my "prized possessions" got lost (except the books which I usually leave inside my father's library so nobody touches them) and eventually realized that collecting unnecessary things only add up to the mess. I cannot take them wherever I go anyway. Hence, moving from place to another made me let go of "collecting" material things.

"Know that the life of this world is only play, and idle talk, and pageantry, and boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children; as the likeness of vegetation after the rain, whereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller, but afterward it drieth up and thou seest it turning yellow, then becometh straw. And in the Hereafter there is grievour punishment, and (also) forgiveness from Allah and His good pleasure, whereas the life of the world is but matter of illusion." Holy Qur'an (57:20)

Islam strongly emphasizes that we, earthlings, are but travelers on this world. Someday, we will perish taking with us into our graves nothing but what our souls have acquired. We are always reminded how temporary this world is. This lessens my hold on material things by discriminating what I really need from what I only want (thus more savings for the husband? lol).

Change Is Constant

I should have known this gazillion years ago but I admit to have oftentimes fear change. I think I am the least person adaptable to change. I need plenty of time to acclimatize before situations finally sink in to my being. But I cannot stop it from happening. The universe is in constant motion of changes so does our nomadic life and I must accept that fact. Jabar usually finds me looking at old photos and tracking down physical changes or reminiscing the past. It's not a healthy habit, he told me. Frequently looking back on the past hinders you to enjoy your present, he reminds me. There, hard truth shoved right on my face. I guess I need to delete my timehop app.

"[...]but it may happen that you hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knoweth, you know not." Holy Qur'an (2:216)

Allah Is The Best Planner

Hardly a day goes by without me thinking of what tomorrow would bring. If a telescope is drilled inside my head, you will see my mind thinking like a domino. Rarely do I not ponder on the consequences of every action or circumstance. So I always have a plan at hand, always an A and a B. The bad thing though is, I am not a flexible person. I get frustrated once my plans didn't push through. I would like to be spontaneous but I have difficulty getting it into my system. One thing that I keep forgetting is the presence of a Great Force that arranges the sequence of my life in a suitable manner.

"[...]they plan, but Allah also plans; and Allah is the Best of Planners."  Holy Qur'an (8:30) 

Allah has proven to me many times over how a failed plan lead to a more productive alternative. Never did living abroad passed through my mind, but marrying someone in the Foreign Service is a consequence of my choice. When Jabar accepted the posting in Nigeria (he was an adventurous single guy then), he was assured of crossposting to Pakistan after two years. His travel order was already made but circumstances further delayed his crossposting. We almost lost hope and I already settled my mind of a life in Africa. Nothing's bad about that, Abuja is a great place for expats. But when he caught malaria for the fourth time, it pushed him to write a letter to their home office to recall him if crossposting will not take place. He was then crossposted to Bangkok few months before I end my DTTB stint. Subhanallah. Indeed, Allah knows what's best for us.


Hellos and goodbyes should have been incorporated in me by now. This is the life that we will live for as long as Jabar stays in the Foreign Service. We will have to raise multilingual third culture kids who will struggle with fitting their identity into their community. Alright, that's me thinking twenty years ahead to the future. What I mean is, I should get used to this.

Coffee With Diana

I kick-started publishing my thoughts online and whatever that goes around on a so-called "blog" nearly ten years ago. Friendster introduced it to me until I moved to Multiply. Those now-defunct social media platforms started it all for me, until eight years ago I decided to "formally move" here in Blogspot. I did not intend to have a particular theme to write about, nor did I intend to be known through blogging or writing. This is the closest thing I do to talk to myself. In fact, none of those in my closest circle knew about this secret business I have. Most of my friends were like, "Friendster, yeah..but, blog? what? what blog?". I didn't bother them about it again. Haha! Until in 2006, my childhood Ate, Ate Diane, came back to MSU for good and one of the things that we talk about enthusiastically was blogging. Finally! Someone can relate to my inner nerd that was kept hidden under the rug. Blogging, as I've learned from her, was a huge thing in the Metro. In reality, it was quite dwindling already when I was barely starting.

I love reading stories, fictional or not. I love reading in general, so blog-reading is something that I enjoy so much. I've met a known a lot of people through their respective blogs. Some of them became friends of mine in real life. :) 

One of the blogs that I take pleasure in reading is that of Nessreen Diana whom I always refer to as Nessreen but she then told me that she is known to everyone as Diana.  I came across her blog through Ate Diane's as they're friends in UP.  I particularly took interest in her stories about growing up as a Meranao, as a woman, and as a Filipino in Jeddah. Growing up in the bukid of Mindanao State University, I had an impression that my cousins and relatives who were living abroad lead a glamorous and fabulous life. But, her Jeddah stories made me aware that they are also regular people and that we, in inged, live a much more normal life. Although they have an easy access to all the things we mostly yearn for like fast-food shops and malls. Haha!  

The Meranao community is so small that we are connected one way or another. Ate Diana happened to be a cousin of my good friend Mabi, and later on, I met her brother Adnan (through Mabi, of course). I remember meeting Adnan and after finding out they were siblings, I was thinking that this guy might be one of those "characters" I read on his sister's blog. Haha! 

Several days ago, she dropped me a message informing me that she's in Bangkok and asked if I want to meet-up. Of course I want to!!! She's some sort of a "celebrity" in my blogging world so how can I say no to that?! We met and talked over coffee at a mall near us. I hope she didn't mind commuting though. Hehe. We talked for almost three hours about her job, about her life in Jeddah (yeah, you cannot shut her up about Jeddah!), about my life here and about the people we commonly know. Turned out, we know A LOT of people in common! Small world indeed! It felt surreal to finally listen to her speak Meranao fluently. I guess that's how it feels to meet your favorite writer or author, that you're convinced that, yeah, they're real people too. I had a "Diana-hangover" a day later, replaying our conversations over and over again in my head. Haha! 

You can check out her blog on my blogmates list, on the right side of this page, so you'd know what I mean. She's Nessreen there. :D 

Love Is A Verb

Walking around MSU Campus with Amina on a carrier last December 2015.

Jabar and I are celebrating our third anniversary today. Alhamdulillah. We're a newbie in the marriage department, in relationships in general, and we're still on the process of figuring out the ingredients that make up a blissful lifetime marriage. Our three years was quite a tough ride and the toughest was the LDR part. Jabar and I didn't know each other when we first met, not even our shadows. It was a blind date set up by a common cousin of ours. After several visits, he was resolute that I was "the one". I wholeheartedly accepted the marriage proposal which was facilitated by our parents. Being both relationship neophytes, we never anticipated how unbearable it would be apart from each other. Shaytaan (the devil) always comes to me with whispers of doubt against my husband. With a whirlwind romance like ours, who wouldn't have possible doubts in mind? However, Jabar stood patiently for me and proved that all my doubts were baseless accusations created by the shaytaan inside my mind. Astagfirullah. May Allah forgive me. Those days played a major role in the development of my quarter-life crisis but it left a huge mark on me. It taught me patience and gratitude. It taught me to be more understanding and to see people from where they are coming from. Most importantly, it strengthened our marriage by building our trust in one another. Marriage is a two-way process, as cliche as it may sound, indeed it is a give-and-take relationship. One cannot be staying only on one side of the scale. Both husband and wife must be flexible and must be wearing many hats in the relationship. 

Jabar and I grew up in a contrasting family and educational background but what binds us are our core values and the firm decision to put Allah in the center of our relationship. Whenever I go through something, I always seek his advise and he never fails to listen with an open mind and provide a sound and unbias take on the matter at hand. Sometimes I tease him that he belongs to the generation of my father! Haha! He always reminds me of Papa with his train of thoughts. He's been through lot of pains and struggles in his life that molded him into the way he is now. He takes matter seriously and decides resolutely. He's always the stronger one. He's my rock. I am more than grateful that God gave him to me as my husband and the father of my child(-ren). With him, so long as Allah guides us, I know that nothing can go wrong. In shaa Allah.      

Sometimes I wish we have met earlier. I think it would have been better, more romantic and cuter if we had had some movie dates or dinner dates before we got married. (But he said he wouldn't marry me had I permitted to go on a date with him before marriage. Ugh. KJ. Lol!) But God has a wonderful plan of putting us two together. He made us go through trials first until we found our suitable respective niches on this world. Allah has shown me, through this marriage, that His timing and His plans are perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way. As Jabar and I work to strengthen our faith in Allah, He consequently strengthens our marriage. We still have a long road ahead and many challenges to hurdle, but with Allah being the center of our relationship, we would go just fine. :) 

                          

Dinner date at the newly-opened Paul restaurant in Emporium. The only Paul resto near us was at the Central Embassy Mall, but now we have it walking distance. Yay! :D 

The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan, a must-read. 

Reading break. 

Sitting here and sipping my coffee while reading rants. Funny how some people can get so cowardly by posting harsh words on social media which they cannot tell someone directly. Well, well. I'd rather focus on my own life rather than stick my short nose on other people's lives. 

Kthanxbye! 

P.S.

If you take social media seriously, it will effin' drive you nuts. So. Ignore.  Move on. Continue living your awesome life. :)