REALIZATION: We're halfway through clinical clerkship!! Alhamdulillah. Pediatrics, Internal Medicine and Ancillary then we're done. Six more months to go!!

Pintados

Last night, my friends and I decided to go to Mugna for the last stretch of our Community Medicine rotation as we will be plunging into the hospital officially starting on Monday for Pediatrics. Mugna is a mini-carnival set up only during the Dinagyang Festival here in Iligan City which will be on the last week of September. All throughout my med school years here in this city, I've never involved myself for the fiesta. Most likely because I used to lock myself in my room and take advantage of the spare time to advance on my readings. Talk about not having a life. Now this time, before I leave the portals of this city I thought of experiencing things that I can reminisce when the batch reunion comes. There's so many things one can see at Mugna, there are ukay-ukay and DVD shops, the rides (er, not the EK or Disney-type rides you were imagining), some carnival games like shooting and toss-a-coin, illusion make-believes (which we figured right then and there was all mirror tricks!!), food stands (read: balut and mani), and lovers smooching around. Mugna is a place to satisfy our shallow alter-egos. Since I want something that will remind me of last night, I had my dorsal foot impulsively painted with henna tattoo!! 

This is the wild child in me talking!! Yeah, I do crazy stuff like having my upper ear lobe pierced only because my Taiwanese pop star crush has many piercings!! Which reminds me of him when we were making our scrapbook and found a photo of him in one of the pages of a magazine dated seven years ago. I can't help but cut it out and paste it near my photo. I hope my groupmates didn't notice!! Harhar!!

KEN ZHU!! I haven't had an update about him for ages!!

This is my most favorite page in our ComMed scrapbook. I love its sunshiny and balloon theme!! Of course, I made it. Heehee. :)

Goodbye Community Medicine. You've taught us unity, cooperation, patience, compassion and you've strengthened and deepened the friendship among the group. Our two-month immersion is an unforgettable one. Thank you, Purok 6 Tambacan for playing a significant role in our med school years. :)

Group Four Clerks at the Brgy. Tambacan Health Center

The Roads Less Traveled

I believe each and every person has a dream career. Others maybe fortunate to be living their dreams, some are still trudging the rough road towards it, while others may still be under the tree dreaming and waiting until the fruit falls effortlessly straight into his mouth. I belong to the second category hopeful that in a few hundred days, I'd be on the first category poking stethoscope and doling out meds. However, I have secret dream careers that made me that person described in the third category. I only dream about it because doing something to make it into a reality is ridiculous. Nevertheless, I don't lose hope and truth be told, the images of me doing these things won't stop flashing over and over in my mind. :)

1. A Travel Show Host 

Photo courtesy of Google. This is the heading of ABS-CBN's travel show.

How marvelous it is to be traveling with an all-expense paid trip!! It wouldn't feel like working plus you get to see spectacular sights, taste saliva-inducing foods, experience staying at some five-star hotels, enjoy the luxury of being treated as VIP and of course being enviably seen on TV all for free!! Haha! I know it's not gonna happen to me, UNLESS, I'll launch my own travel show. Which means, I'm gonna be the one to pay for everything!! Argh, not a good idea.

2. A Model

Photo courtesy of stylecovered.com

This probably must have resulted from too much reading teen magazines way back high school 'til undergrad and now fashion blogs. Now, getting thin seems like an impossible dream for me including growing a few inches taller too. Ouch. But I love looking at muslim fashion blogs like that photo above. It reflects that modeling and fashion is not all about showing too much skin. Perhaps, if I take my dieting seriously then I can create my own fashion blog too which might launch me a career!! Haha! Find that ridiculous? Yeah, me too. But hey!! That kinda ignites an idea in here.

How about you, if you're allowed to take a slight detour, what would that be?

The Swan

One of my childhood fascination was ballet. I loved how ballet dancers gracefully move their body like a perfect swan. With every turn of their body, swaying of their arms, and the stretching of their legs all the way to their toes brings admiration to my feisty eyes. The ballerina's slim and slender figure which perfectly fits their outfit adds to my adoration. Like any fantasizing little girl, I wanted to be like them. However being a Muslim in a Meranao society, that is outrageous and I knew it will never come true. But I'd be very honest to say that I still dream about it. Probably I will never become one as my bones hardened already, with every turn and twist might cause me fracture but my future little girls can have all the chance to dance ballet as long as their hearts are into it. And I would be very happy to accompany them to their rehearsals and performances. :)

Photo courtesy of google.com.

Behind Those Rusty Bars

From inside the jail.

The City Health Office tapped us yesterday morning to perform a physical examination among the convicts who will be transported to a bigger jail in Davao City. They were proven guilty of their charges, hence, the transfer. Among them was Amir (not his real name), who was allegedly charged with carnapping. I did some little chit-chat regarding his case while listening to his lungs and heart, taking his BP and in between asking health-related questions. Apparently, he was accused along with a companion who was killed by the plaintiff's camp. He's been here for two years already. He's married with four children, the eldest being seventeen, under the care of their mother at a certain province in Lanao del Sur. His family seldom visits him probably due to the distance. I asked if they are informed of his transfer, he bowed and shake his head. Tears welled up in his eyes trying not to break down, I asked something else to prevent him from being emotional. The expression on his face pierced my heart, as if he has been forgotten due to the shame and humiliation he brought to the family the moment he stepped inside the jail. He's going to suffer for the next seventeen years of his life behind the bars at a place hundred miles away from his loved ones. I cannot imagine the excruciating pain his family experiences with his absence. Such mishap will forever mark in their hearts. 

While it is good that justice is being served, we should be reminded that criminals are human beings too who should enjoy equal rights. If not for psychiatric condition, they must have done the act due to excessive need such as poverty. I hope the victims are vindicated now and may the criminal serve as an example to the rest of the members of his family they they must not emulate.

(L-R): Abby, Ate Agnes, Dr. Glenn Manarpaac, Sheng, Jhalil. Me at the back.
Taken at the Office of the Warden

PROJECTION.

It's when you assume and one hundred percent positive that other people committed the same mistakes that you did and told the same lies that you said. Probably because you can hardly admit to yourself your mistakes, much less realize that you're the only person who did those. Until you cannot resolve your repressed issues, you try to drag other people in the mud so you won't be left alone badly stained, or so you think. And then you try to cover your stinky lies with sugarcoated ones. Your lies cannot contain themselves, they bulge but people are not blind to not notice. 

And voila!! You're the talk of the town.

Congratulations for your ill-gotten fame!

I pity you. I'm sorry. 

Meeting An "Old" Friend For The Second Time.

We meet friends on the road of life, we meet them as early as the moment we learned to crawl. They could be our neighbor, our classmate in school, a family friend, a colleague, an org-mate, someone we sat beside the bus, or someone we've heard their names of. We befriend people we met in person. However in the 21st century, we can have virtual friends---those we meet through SMS or through the world wide web. Haven't tried the former though, but gaining friends online didn't hurt. When the social network Friendster's popularity was at its summit, I gained plenty of friends including from outside the Philippines especially there were very few "real friends" of mine who had an FS account then when I first joined the social network. Then, I started blogging more than five years ago and gained some readers, some were "real friends" some were new. Blogging allowed me to share bits and pieces about myself even to strangers, and reading theirs too made me feel like we've met a long, long time ago. The world is indeed so small because little did we know that those people we met online can somehow be related to us by blood or can be a friend's friend. 

Just like Nimai, I met her through my Multiply account. I remember when she first added me, I thought she was my friend Ni'ma because aside from the rhyming of their names, her thumbnail photo has some resemblance with my friend. When I read her page, turned out she's a whole different person I never knew. Like I said, it doesn't hurt to meet new people so we read each other's entries. We dropped comments at each other, found some common interests and common friends as well. Until I learned we exist in the same city as she's an accountancy major in MSU-IIT. This girl don't just have a pretty face but she has a brain that totally rocks!! Late last year, she went to the States for a short course through the Global Undergraduate Exchange Program. Prior to that, she borrowed a book from me (The Zahir) and that was the first time that we met and had a short talk. It was a very brief meeting as we were both in a hurry. Then she flew to the United States. She came back last June but I wasn't able to arrange a date since that was my OB-GYN days at GTLMH. Earlier this week, she tweeted me and asked about my vacant time and pronto! we set the time and place!! We had a long conversation like we were old friends!! 

Iftar at Peek 'n Berry. Not until we noticed that the restaurant was closing on us, we wouldn't stand to finally go home. :)

She returned my book added with extra post card from Massachusetts and an antibacterial hand sanitizer from VS, which I think of just keeping and not using. :)

This is what she wrote on the card.

You're so welcome Nimzy!! My bookshelf is open for you (feeling ko rin marami akong libro eh 'no? LOL.) You know you're awesome!! InshaAllah, we can achieve our dreams. Go rock the world, girl!!

On the other hand,

My buddy Juey, who is also a great fan of Jane Austen and her book Pride and Prejudice, got her attention caught by this book. She lend it to me. So I guess I gotta fast-read this one as I need to get back to my med books. We'll be saying hello to Pediatrics in two weeks' time, hence, I gotta make the most out of my "vacaye" days. :)

An Ode to My Alma Mater

                                        

A university smacked on top of a mountain in a land forgotten by many yet enveloped by controversies. That is Mindanao State University (MSU), which binds people of the south regardless of race and religion, coming together in search for knowledge. This was established with the aim of becoming a center of excellence not only in teacher education, science and technology but also in tourism, arts, sports and social sciences as well. This was the answer to the clamor of the Mindanaoans who cannot afford to send their children to universities in the capital regions. The Philippine government, with the help of Muslim political leaders and educators, granted them this university which offers quality education at par with those in Manila area. For the past 49 years, MSU has produced excellent students, board topnotchers, and community leaders who made a name in their respective fields. Proud MSUans have spread all over the globe bearing the name of their alma mater. 

I am a proud product of this university, the university where I grew up, where I found friends, which sheltered my family, which provided me knowledge that will equip me in my chosen profession. It's an honest thing to say that MSU had made me who I am today and what I will be in the future. I went here from kindergarten until med school and looking back, I can proudly say that I was never behind education-wise with other universities. Therefore it is but proper to give back to the institution who made me the person I am. Hopefully, when I become a licensed physician, I will render my service through teaching either in MSU-College of Medicine or MSU-College of Natural Sciences and Mathematics. I would be very happy to educate future physicians and inspire them to do the best that they can. I believe that teaching doesn't only end to the first hand students, but the knowledge that one shares transverse to the generations that follow.

Tomorrow is the 49th Foundation Day of my alma mater and it is a tradition of our college, the College of Medicine, to travel up in Marawi to join the celebration. After the parade, we will go back here in Iligan for a motorcade honoring the recent August 2010 Physician Licensure Exam board passers. More power MSU!! Continue spreading the value of education among the youth, Allah bless your existence!!

Hello there, newbie!!

As I sat in front of my laptop drooling over pretty muslim fashion statements, the act of creating a new blog precipitated. It's like one of those random boring days when there's nothing left to do but scribble down unknown characters and figures. And this is the product of a dull-despite-the-piles-of-books-awaiting nights. 

Unlike my old blog, now I can't believe I'm calling it old, this one shall contain deeper thoughts and ideas. Ever since medical concepts sank into me, I think I lost some important impressions that shape my moral, spiritual, and intellectual being. I reckon that focusing on a particular object or goal without creating balance has its own disadvantages, it moves away other vital pieces that makes one human. And when one is in a world full of complexities, one tries to simplify things by delving on the surface, seeing right through the shallow portion disregarding the roots where every single idea sprouted from. And I'm afraid to say that that just happened to me. I dread to wake up finding myself living my dreams yet I lost the vital pieces that make me me---my opinions about matters of consequence.

Hence, this blog is all about resurrecting my goals, digging on my wishes and dreams and remembering lost memories. This is about untangling my neurons and rehydrating my cerebrospinal fluid. Everyone is free to leave their comments and start brainstorming!

Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Rating:	★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Literature & Fiction
Author:	Rick Riordan

This is not the kind of book you want to read if you want an action-packed fiction. This is more highschool-ish, ka-level ng Twilight. Because it is based on Greek mythology, which for me is very interesting, it has no originality. It has a modern, hip, urban style heroic effects. Imagine Poseidon wearing beach shorts and floral printed shirts, or Ares in a rugged pants, leather jacket and a red bandanna on his head. Or, the wine god Dionysus telling you "Whatever". And this Percy kid who's a demigod, he's dyslexic and is having an ADHD. He doesn't impress me much. I'm already on the third book and I can see the same trend, one of Percy's friends is hold captive and he'd come to the rescue, he fights handful of monsters incorporated using Riptide and he'll triumph. Very predictable. But I'm reading it mostly because I want to know how this team of demigod teenagers fight Kronos in the end, and I'm waiting for some possible twists of the story along the way. Nothing beats The Lord of the Rings for an action-packed, heart racing, and mind boggling read.

Nokia 5530 Xpress Music

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Computers & Electronics
Product Type:	Cell-phones
Manufacturer:	Nokia

After four long years, I finally got a new phone!! Yay!! My plan was only to buy an iPod for my music cravings while on duty but I thought it'd be wiser to buy a phone which can store more music, videos and of course WiFi! I'm still using my old phone though coz for one, it hasn't worn out yet. It's functioning perfectly even with all those scratches and even if it has dropped approximately 100x already since I bought it. Second, I have no plans of using a new SIM because I hate copying numbers from one phone to another. And thirdly, I'm still in the process of getting to know a touch screen phone. LOL!! I'm still figuring out how I can store e-books in it. Anybody? Also, I'm thinking about buying a Smart SIM for family purposes. I like Nokia because of its user-friendly features which cater to a less techy person like me. Alhamdulillah for this new blessing. :D

Thoughts About Clerkship

Clerkship is tough like one has ever imagined. It is like going in a battle ground, thinking you’ve had all the vital weapons ready to swing your Excalibur and metal shield but you found yourself at the edge of a thick forest alone. Clueless of the kind of monstrous creature you’ll be fighting, and worse, no one’s there to back you up. You. Are. Entirely. Alone.

I was never the kind of person who complains, but I believe there’s a maximum threshold for everything which includes patience. One can never be too patient. There’s always that maximal point where the pressure chamber burst unexpectedly. Other people outside our field look at us as future doctors, indeed we are, but at this point of our lives we are slaves-slash-doctors-in-the-making. We have plenty of bosses, starting from the consultants, residents, nurses, nursing aides, and sometimes even the IWs. Oh, not to mention the patients themselves and their watchers. I do not understand the kind of stigma attached to every clerk, all eyes are on us. We are being scrutinized from our physique down to the littlest of our gestures or even the minutest whispers uttered. A single mistake is unforgivable otherwise you’d be the talk of the hospital. Good if you’re being talked solely in your department, but expect the news to encroach in the other departments as well. So even before your next rotation, predators are waiting to prey on you. Just get ready.

There are days when I do not know where to place myself, or how to act. You can never be outspoken, yet at the same time you can never be too kind. You can never ever be kind, predators have the tendency to become abusive. A mentor once shared his secret, he said: “When you’re a clerk, never say NO for an answer.” I hold on to that until one night when this amoebic predator repetitively calling me at the ER while I’m at the midst of a surgical job asking me to do something which do not belong to my scope that particular night, in fact that is her work and she’s being paid for that. So I answered the phone and talked in a very calm yet stiff sound: “Ay ma’am, naa man mi division of labor. Kung ER, ER ra ko. Dili ko pwede mag-ward karon kay daghan kaay pasyente gina-atiman nako diri. Naa man ako partner sa quarters. Palihog na lang ko adto, duol ra bitaw dira station. Kay dili jud mahimo na ibahin nako akong lawas. Isa ra biya ko ha…”. I have a hunch I was gossiped as “the clerk who did not refer blah blah’s chart to doctor blah blah”. Oh well, one cannot please everybody. I do not care what they say about me. Yes, now I can never care too much about feedbacks.

I was never exhausted like this in my entire life---both physically, intellectually and spiritually. Clerkship requires physical strength to keep you on the go. Feeling ill is a huge no-no, vitamins are our bestfriends and antibiotics are our initial shields. We are also intellectually challenged; there are days when I ask myself where have all those three long years of reading and memorizing gone? It’s depressing when you cannot answer basic medical questions. You try to dig deep down your neurons and find tangled bits and pieces of unrecalled medical knowledge. You’re blessed if the consultant is the calm one who just smiles when you cannot answer and tells you the right thing. However there are unlucky days when you get to meet the evil consultants who throw insults at you and questions your intellectual capacity in the presence of nurses, nursing students and patients. You feel as if everybody's scoffing at you!! You just wanna die immediately right then and there!!! Like you wish you never existed!!

Quitting is for the losers. And I am no loser; therefore, quitting is not an option. No damn way!!! As medical clerks, we console ourselves with the fact that no single doctor has had never undergone clerkship. We all have our fair share of stories and bloopers to tell. Maybe when we become consultants ourselves, we will look back at our mistakes and the craziness we did and laugh and shrug about it like it never happened. And it’s tempting to think about turning the table to our predators. *evil laugh*

Boylet.

we kinda drifted apart. but we have always known deep inside that we're perfectly stitched by nature for each other. we both became busy with our respective careers *cough*, yet we still keep on holding on. 

he's a serious guy, you see. 

and shy, too. that's why he doesn't want to publicize our relationship.

this was the time he tried to discreetly leave an event to meet up with me. however, paparazzi always follow him around. oh well, he's paying for his fame. tsk, tsk. poor boyfriend, nobody tries to spare him some privacy. 

   anyhow, he still keeps that balance. between his career.....and our secret relationship. 

oh, pretty boy. don't worry. there's no obstacle we can't hurdle. all of this shall pass. 

end of daydreaming. *swoon*

Happy, Happy Birthday to the little girl who keeps on musing on the sand dunes!! May you have all the blessings you deserve.. I love you and I miss you, Khadijah Abduljalil!! :D Party!!!

Loner.

Caveat: This is an emo entry. Get yourself ready to puke!

I never had any problem being alone until today. I feel, um, not trashed but left out. That  photo above is exactly how I picture myself. I thought I can live alone forever. I see a lot of people everyday but none of them fills this indescribable hole boring through me. This is crazy, I know,  and this melancholy is leading nowhere. Gotta snap out of this.

***
Back to my medical world, we only have few remaining days in the surgery department. Next stop: OB-GYN. I'm prepping myself for that lochia stench. *wrinkles her nose*

The Bribery

A nine-year old patient, C,  is put on NPO (nothing per orem) after his appendectomy. Today is his fourth post-op day and since he has abdominal distention and has been passing loose bowel movements for the past two days, he's exhibiting mild dehydration despite being overweight (45 kilos for a nine-year old). And since he's been vomiting, a nasogastric tube is inserted through his nostrils in addition to being placed on NPO. We understand how discomforting it is for the patient. This morning, he begged Dr. D to allow him to have just one sip of water. "Okay naman ako, bakit ba ayaw niyo'kong painumin? Uhaw na uhaw na'ko. Please..konti lang..ganito lang kaliit" measuring the amount using his thumb and index finger. Dr. D explained to him in a way he can understand why he's not allowed to drink or eat and why the NGT is inserted through his nose. Having the heart of a father, he allowed C to have 1/4 glass of water after the child made a lot of bargains. "Sige, konti lang ha?". After he finished the 1/4 glass of water, he asked for another one. "Kayang-kaya ko yang ubusin, sige, pa-try niyo pa sa'kin". C seems to challenge Dr. D to allow him to have more water. Dr. D gave him another 1/4. C is just a naturally makulit kid which keeps him asking for more. This time, Dr. D strictly said NO. "Kapag magaling ka na, kahit isang barrel ng tubig pwede mong inumin. Ngayon, hindi pa pwede kasi magsusuka ka dahil hindi pa gumagalaw instestines mo.". I was astounded when he said "Sige na please. Isang baso lang. Bayaran pa kita..." Dr. D faced the parents for further explanation and didn't entertained the child's caprice.

It's frustrating how some parents continue feeding their children's whims.  I hate making generalizations and I don't like acting like a psychic but children like C grows up with that attitude of getting everything they want through whatever means, even if it means stepping on other people. Teaching about sacrifice must start at home, same as charity. A child who knows how to make sacrifices grows up with a healthy attitude of enduring frustrations and whatever obstacles that come in his way. Because whoever we are, even though we are the richest person the world, we must face the fact that we just can't get anything and everything we want. After all, money may buy comfort but not  happiness and love.

At C's age, he knows already about bribery. This child has a future... in the political world. :)

Concerned Citizen

Shenggay ranting while we were exchanging experiences with our counterpart group:

"Ano ba 'yan sila (referring to the patients), mag-inuman tapos magpatayan...

 Kawawa naman tayong mga surgery clerks.."

Toinks!!

Akala mo naman kung ano ang kanyang concern. Hahahahah!!!

Seriously, she has a point, most of our previous patients at GTLMH would drown themselves in alcohol binge then when evil gets into their minds, they'd stab each other. Upon admission, they can't even afford to buy meds. 

You see? They can afford bottles of beers but they can't afford to buy food. And they call themselves poor. Who to blame? You may be the better judge. 

I hope this incoming administration can do something to alleviate the status of our economy.

I hope scenes like this would cease to happen.

Para naman hindi kawawa ang mga surgery clerks. Hehe. :)

        

Let Off Some Steam

When my teeth are itching to bite off some people's head, I:

a. write on my journal.
b. turn the radio on full blast and sing at the top of my lungs.
c. talk to a friend, whoever available to act as a shock absorber.
d. find someone or something who/that can make me laugh.
e. eat my comfort foods: pasta loaded with tons of cheese and chocolates.
f. immerse myself in the cyberspace and just click and click on whatever link I could reach.
g. because I rarely cry in front of anybody, I do it ALONE. and it happens once in a blue moon.
h. most of the time, my lips are sealed. because the moment I open my mouth, I can talk non-stop and that is what I try to prevent. :)

You, how do you let off some steam?

Picturistic

I thought of an evolution here in my blog which don't require me to transfer to another blogsite, I'm talking about Tumblr. (I LOVE YOU TOASTEDPEANUTS!!!) Since scarcity of time inhibits me to write like I used to, I'd rather bring Mumbo most of the time then took photos of moments I'd want to share. Although Mumbo is an oldie-ordinary point and shoot camera, he'll do. :)

1. My new room at my new boarding house!! My old room was a little bigger but the comfort this new one offers don't differ much. And oh, we got WiFi here!! Weehee!!  The addiction feeding continues. Harhar!! My classmate and friend, Sal, is my new roomie and since her first rotation is Community Medicine, we don't see each other often here. So it kinda feels like I'm living in this room alone.




2. My groupmates. Group 4. We're divided into Group 4A (us) and Group 4B (the MSH pipz). We are (from left): Sheng, Ai, Tisoy, Jue, Oli, Abby, Ate Agnes and Jhalil. I'm with Jue, Tisoy and Sheng. I feel so blessed having the Group 4A. We don't mind the stress because we strongly believe that "LAUGHTER is the best medicine!!". :D



3. At the Clerks' Quarters. GTLMH quarters is like, I'm sorry to say this, a rat-hole. Sabi nga ng Dean, "The quarters is not for you to sleep, because you're not supposed to sleep when you're on duty". So we only come here to talk about stuff going around the hospital, laugh, share techniques, make case presentations, eat, and freshen up. A rat-hole doesn't matter when you're with a bunch of awesome people!!!!

 
4. The Emergency Room. This is the suturing area. Whatta bloody job!! I LOVE SURGERY!!




********

Photo taken at 2:15 AM, April 25, 2010.
Despite everything, I keep that smile. Life is beautiful and I love what I'm doing. I'm getting there, I can see the glistening shore. :)

Change We Can Believe In

I come across this book while going through my father's library.

"We faced hard days and our share of failure, but I learned then that no matter how great the challenge or how difficult the circumstance, change is always possible if you're willing to work for it, and fight for it, and above all else, believe in it."

-President Barack Hussein Obama