Happy, Happy Birthday to the little girl who keeps on musing on the sand dunes!! May you have all the blessings you deserve.. I love you and I miss you, Khadijah Abduljalil!! :D Party!!!

Loner.

Caveat: This is an emo entry. Get yourself ready to puke!

I never had any problem being alone until today. I feel, um, not trashed but left out. That  photo above is exactly how I picture myself. I thought I can live alone forever. I see a lot of people everyday but none of them fills this indescribable hole boring through me. This is crazy, I know,  and this melancholy is leading nowhere. Gotta snap out of this.

***
Back to my medical world, we only have few remaining days in the surgery department. Next stop: OB-GYN. I'm prepping myself for that lochia stench. *wrinkles her nose*

The Bribery

A nine-year old patient, C,  is put on NPO (nothing per orem) after his appendectomy. Today is his fourth post-op day and since he has abdominal distention and has been passing loose bowel movements for the past two days, he's exhibiting mild dehydration despite being overweight (45 kilos for a nine-year old). And since he's been vomiting, a nasogastric tube is inserted through his nostrils in addition to being placed on NPO. We understand how discomforting it is for the patient. This morning, he begged Dr. D to allow him to have just one sip of water. "Okay naman ako, bakit ba ayaw niyo'kong painumin? Uhaw na uhaw na'ko. Please..konti lang..ganito lang kaliit" measuring the amount using his thumb and index finger. Dr. D explained to him in a way he can understand why he's not allowed to drink or eat and why the NGT is inserted through his nose. Having the heart of a father, he allowed C to have 1/4 glass of water after the child made a lot of bargains. "Sige, konti lang ha?". After he finished the 1/4 glass of water, he asked for another one. "Kayang-kaya ko yang ubusin, sige, pa-try niyo pa sa'kin". C seems to challenge Dr. D to allow him to have more water. Dr. D gave him another 1/4. C is just a naturally makulit kid which keeps him asking for more. This time, Dr. D strictly said NO. "Kapag magaling ka na, kahit isang barrel ng tubig pwede mong inumin. Ngayon, hindi pa pwede kasi magsusuka ka dahil hindi pa gumagalaw instestines mo.". I was astounded when he said "Sige na please. Isang baso lang. Bayaran pa kita..." Dr. D faced the parents for further explanation and didn't entertained the child's caprice.

It's frustrating how some parents continue feeding their children's whims.  I hate making generalizations and I don't like acting like a psychic but children like C grows up with that attitude of getting everything they want through whatever means, even if it means stepping on other people. Teaching about sacrifice must start at home, same as charity. A child who knows how to make sacrifices grows up with a healthy attitude of enduring frustrations and whatever obstacles that come in his way. Because whoever we are, even though we are the richest person the world, we must face the fact that we just can't get anything and everything we want. After all, money may buy comfort but not  happiness and love.

At C's age, he knows already about bribery. This child has a future... in the political world. :)

Concerned Citizen

Shenggay ranting while we were exchanging experiences with our counterpart group:

"Ano ba 'yan sila (referring to the patients), mag-inuman tapos magpatayan...

 Kawawa naman tayong mga surgery clerks.."

Toinks!!

Akala mo naman kung ano ang kanyang concern. Hahahahah!!!

Seriously, she has a point, most of our previous patients at GTLMH would drown themselves in alcohol binge then when evil gets into their minds, they'd stab each other. Upon admission, they can't even afford to buy meds. 

You see? They can afford bottles of beers but they can't afford to buy food. And they call themselves poor. Who to blame? You may be the better judge. 

I hope this incoming administration can do something to alleviate the status of our economy.

I hope scenes like this would cease to happen.

Para naman hindi kawawa ang mga surgery clerks. Hehe. :)

        

Let Off Some Steam

When my teeth are itching to bite off some people's head, I:

a. write on my journal.
b. turn the radio on full blast and sing at the top of my lungs.
c. talk to a friend, whoever available to act as a shock absorber.
d. find someone or something who/that can make me laugh.
e. eat my comfort foods: pasta loaded with tons of cheese and chocolates.
f. immerse myself in the cyberspace and just click and click on whatever link I could reach.
g. because I rarely cry in front of anybody, I do it ALONE. and it happens once in a blue moon.
h. most of the time, my lips are sealed. because the moment I open my mouth, I can talk non-stop and that is what I try to prevent. :)

You, how do you let off some steam?

Picturistic

I thought of an evolution here in my blog which don't require me to transfer to another blogsite, I'm talking about Tumblr. (I LOVE YOU TOASTEDPEANUTS!!!) Since scarcity of time inhibits me to write like I used to, I'd rather bring Mumbo most of the time then took photos of moments I'd want to share. Although Mumbo is an oldie-ordinary point and shoot camera, he'll do. :)

1. My new room at my new boarding house!! My old room was a little bigger but the comfort this new one offers don't differ much. And oh, we got WiFi here!! Weehee!!  The addiction feeding continues. Harhar!! My classmate and friend, Sal, is my new roomie and since her first rotation is Community Medicine, we don't see each other often here. So it kinda feels like I'm living in this room alone.




2. My groupmates. Group 4. We're divided into Group 4A (us) and Group 4B (the MSH pipz). We are (from left): Sheng, Ai, Tisoy, Jue, Oli, Abby, Ate Agnes and Jhalil. I'm with Jue, Tisoy and Sheng. I feel so blessed having the Group 4A. We don't mind the stress because we strongly believe that "LAUGHTER is the best medicine!!". :D



3. At the Clerks' Quarters. GTLMH quarters is like, I'm sorry to say this, a rat-hole. Sabi nga ng Dean, "The quarters is not for you to sleep, because you're not supposed to sleep when you're on duty". So we only come here to talk about stuff going around the hospital, laugh, share techniques, make case presentations, eat, and freshen up. A rat-hole doesn't matter when you're with a bunch of awesome people!!!!

 
4. The Emergency Room. This is the suturing area. Whatta bloody job!! I LOVE SURGERY!!




********

Photo taken at 2:15 AM, April 25, 2010.
Despite everything, I keep that smile. Life is beautiful and I love what I'm doing. I'm getting there, I can see the glistening shore. :)

Change We Can Believe In

I come across this book while going through my father's library.

"We faced hard days and our share of failure, but I learned then that no matter how great the challenge or how difficult the circumstance, change is always possible if you're willing to work for it, and fight for it, and above all else, believe in it."

-President Barack Hussein Obama

Sino'ng manok mo?

For the past months, I haven't yet settled my mind on who to vote this May 10 election. Since I am a first-time voter, I want my idealism to surface. A classmate asked me once why I didn't register in my hometown where apparently election-money flows freely. "Yayaman ka dun.." he told me. That's exactly the reason why I decided to register here in the current city where I'm located, I want to vote for those people I choose to be in the position because I strongly believe in their capacity to lead the country. Without any stain of hypocrisy, I honestly don't care about the money involved in politics. It's a temporary benefit knowing that the entire country will suffer if we don't put the right person on the right post. I have been carried away by the Cory magic that I thought Noynoy was the best choice. With Kris beside him, everything in the government will surely become transparent! After watching the V-Presidentiable debate on Harapan two weeks ago despite the unfolding of their dirty lenins in public and their personal attacks on each other, Mayor Jejomar Binay had a strong appeal on me. I'm having my personal research about the presidential candidates through the internet until I stumbled on this summarized attainments of the top presidential candidates.

oopsie..it looks like a magnifying lens is needed. for a clearer view, you may want it here.

One thing for sure, now I know which block I am going to shade on May 10, 2010. :)

Eviction

I consider myself lucky for having most things smooth sailing for me. For example is finding the perfect boarding house before I enroll for med school. A month before graduating from undergrad, I have already reserved the place and talked to my professor who owns the house. Luckily, my cousin Bains who was a medical clerk then (now a doctor) lives in the same house so I never had difficulty negotiating with the management and adjusting with my housemates. Unlike most of my non-Iliganon classmates who had a lot of complaints with their respective dorms, I never had one. This is an advantage of being a planner. Hehe. I never experienced hunting for that perfect house because this boarding house is just perfect for me. This was the exact picture in my mind of where I wanted to live when I am in med school---uncrowded, conducive for studying, spacious, a sense of privacy and no disputes with the landlord because in fairness to them, thay always assure us of our security and comfort. Most of my classmates are envious of my place especially when I mention how cheap our monthly rental considering the appliances I personally brought here and the WiFi. This place, for me, is heaven in hell. :)

Mid-last year, my landlord's daughter and her family moved in the duplex next door (where our landlord lives). They planned to talk to us about getting our place as they are settling here in Iligan for good. I didn't know about it until our landlady talked to me this afternoon. Her daughter and her husband (who are, by the way, doctors: husband is oncosurgeon and the wife is a pathologist) want some privacy with their two kids, but Ma'am wanted us to finish the entire school year before asking us to move out. She politely explained to me everything this afternoon and I totally understand her. Besides, this house was built not for commercial purpose but for their daughter when she was in med school. While she was away for her residency training, they decided to rent the place to help medical students like me who are looking for a comfortable and cheaper place. Now she's back to claim her place.

I was teary-eyed and in awe when my landlady was apologizing for her sad news. I really love this place and I had set my mind that the only time I will move out is when I finish my degree. I have difficulty resetting my mind, changing my plans and unlove what I have grown to love. Aside from that, clerkship's few days away and I have A LOT of accumulated things here. I hate moving from one place to another but the situation calls for it. Good thing, Ma'am has given me until mid-April to look for another place to stay for my last remaining year in med school. Besides, I won't be staying in the boarding house most of the time 'coz when clerkship starts we will be unofficially become boarders of the hospital.

House hunting will start tomorrow, I know I will not find a place as perfect as this but I hope I can find a place where there is comfort and peace of mind. :)

Happy, Happy Birthday to one of the best persons I look up to, my precious, Diandra-Ditma A. Macarambon!! Have a meaningful day filled with love, laughters and joy. *bear hugs and flying kisses*

Norwegian Wood

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Romance
Author:	Haruki Murakami

Excerpt:
I telephoned Midori. "I have to talk to you," I said. "I have a million things to talk to you about. A million things we have to talk about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning."
Midori responded with a long, long silence----the silence of all the misty rain in the world falling on all the new-mown lawns of the world. Forehead pressed against the glass, I shut my eyes and waited. At last, Midori's quiet voice broke the silence: "Where are you now?"
Where was I now?
Gripping the receiver, I raised my head and turned to see what lay beyond the telephone booth. Where was I now? I had no idea. .... Again and again, I called out for Midori from the dead center of this place that was no place.

***********

This is definitely an addition to my bests-list. This has opened my mind to the nature of equally loving two different persons of opposite characters, on how need can be misconstrued as love and how a beautiful friendship is transformed into love. I'm so overwhelmed by the story and the characters. Ito ang totoong "It's Complicated". :)

IFF

written at 4:30 pm; March 16, 2009; yesterday.
 
There'd be less bickering, less hurt feelings, less anger and a peaceful world if and only if people are:

a.) responsible enough to work on the job that is due to them. one doesn't need to be reminded constantly of what he should do, application of a little common sense works.

b.) hold on to their words. come on the appointed time. if one can't, let it be known immediately. don't allow others to wait until their pupils turn white.

c.) considerate and sensitive of others surrounding them.

I am so disappointed today. My patience and tolerance level are alarmingly dropping!! If people are a lot like those I have mentioned, there'd be no wasted time and sleep-deprived persons like me and most importantly, things can be done efficiently. Grr!

Sunday Bliss: At home reading a good book, sipping milo+coffee mixture with great music on the background. Haven't quite done this for the past three months. :) I cherish solitary moments like this.

Jason Magbanua | Wedding Videographer » Blog Archive » Angela and Aaron: A Teaser

http://jasonmagbanua.com/blog/2010/03/07/angela-and-aarons-a-teaser/
I don't attend weddings other than my closest relatives' and friends' but I'm quite a sucker for pre-nup videos and perfect weddings. I can only wish there'd be something like this when my moment comes. Weee! :)

Check out his other wedding videos. <3 data-blogger-escaped-air="air" data-blogger-escaped-div="div" data-blogger-escaped-humid="humid" data-blogger-escaped-is="is" data-blogger-escaped-looovvvveee...="looovvvveee..." data-blogger-escaped-so="so" data-blogger-escaped-the="the" data-blogger-escaped-with="with">

On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning

I thought this is an amazing story worth sharing from one of my favorite authors. Tell me what you think.. Enjoy!

On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning

Haruki Murakami

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"
No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"
Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible influenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fourteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

....at L' Espresso Cafe, celebrating Cor's birthday with Ate Ag, Jue and Nash.....using Nash's Harriet. :) It's been a long while since I was here. I miss everything.. I miss everyone... I miss you... *sigh*

I took a nap at the clerks' quarter between 12:00nn- 1:00 pm today when I dreamt that the quarter's wall fell down and I woke up, still at the same bed, at MSU golf course. Apparently, I woke up lying with the person I least likely to talk to. In my dream, we were goofing around each other, still lying at the double deck bed as if we're still good friends. Interpretation: I BADLY WANNA GO HOME. As with ex-friend, um, I don't know. :)))

Happy, Happy Birthday Engr. Karla Madrid! Thanks for being a great plurkmate and a multiplier. :) Cheers for a long and happy life! *hugs*

Heart Talk

Since it's the month of hearts, let's talk about this great force of nature called physical attraction. Classmate T and I have been discussing about this line that crosses between Crush and Love, whether it is a thin or a thick one. For me, there's a thick line that divides Crush and Love. In fact, there's the Like that goes in between. To make matters (worse) more complicated, we made three Classifications of Crush: Low Crush, Moderate Crush and Severe Crush. He gave me the task to assign criteria for every class, after which, we'd pass it to the World Crush Organization for validity. If there is such. Harhar!!

1. Let's start with the lowermost level called Crush. This is the first thing we learned about physical attraction, some discovered this feeling in high school, others in grade school while for early bloomers, they've got crushes since nursery days. This is purely based on the physical aspect of the person. He could be an actor, a classmate, a schoolmate, a sibling's friend, a friend's sibling, a neighbor, or a random person you constantly bump into the hallway or at the canteen. He's your crush because he's got tantalizing eyes, a prominent nose or a perfect set of teeth. As I have mentioned, there are three classifications of this kind of feeling:

a. Low Crush: This is the most benign form. You find him attractive but there's no kilig factor at all. He's there, you're here, you coexist but there's nothing more than that. You don't exert an effort to get noticed. You don't care if he has a girlfriend or none.

                 Sign: You tend to stare whenever he's not looking. Just like that.

b. Moderate Crush: Five notches above Low Crush, there's the presence of that kilig factor and you make an effort to get noticed. You create some silly excuses to talk to him.

                 Signs: Whenever he says "hi" and asks how you're doing, the two corners of lips are stretched all the way to your nape. You tend to stutter and mumble the wrong words.

c. Severe Crush: Aside from the kilig factor, you try to get to know him more than the basic infos. He's the person you tell your friends you have a crush on and forbid them to have the same feelings because "you found him first", so with all due respect to you, they're not supposed to get kilig in your presence. You start to snoop into his FB account, or worse, stalk him!!

                 Signs: Cold and clammy extremities and whenever he's around, your heart starts to flutter.

Crushes are crushes, you don't hope for anything more than that. Nothing serious especially among Low and Moderate Crushes. As for Severe Crush, there's a tenfold probability that it may progress to the next level which is.....

2. Like. When you "like" a person, there's already that connection. Good looks is not a necessity, in fact, the Crush phase may not be a prerequisite. You may like him because of some aspects of his personality more than the looks. This will eventually come into a crossroad when the spark either intensifies or fades. One proceeds to the road toward the third level which is the most complicated one, the overused and abused thing called Love; while the other road opens to the stable and lasting relationship called Friendship. And I mean the Friendship that does not go beyond the barrier. At this road, both of you might find another romantic spark from other people.

3. Love. Alright, it took me a long while staring into the space before I start collecting my thoughts on this. I am no authority but allow me to give it a shot. I may be talking fallacies, but before any violent reactions...just...shut up, okay? Hehe! So love, the most abused word on this planet. We say "I Love You" to almost everybody, but what is really love? (By the way, when I say "I Love You" to my girlfriends, I really mean that. Er, we're not talking about that kind of love anyway.) Perhaps it is the acceptance of the person as a whole---including his positives as well as his negatives. The dopamine rush that goes with Crush and Like (which apparently lasts no longer than 2 years) might have already evaporated, however you stick to the person. You accept every inch of him while pondering on his undesirable characteristics you can live with. By that, you do not try to change him for if there is love, you'll accept him for whatever he is or he'll change wholeheartedly for you. As for a fairytale believer that I am, Love is meant to last forever.

Advance Happy Hearts, People! Keep Believing in Love and Let's Paint the Town RED.

Doc Ikoy's FB status: "if you don't feel good right now...and your body hurtin’ you right now...you just need a shot of me...i'm just like medicine..." Kalami pud ani na status oi!