Brighter Side of Flood

The rainy season is so IN which is directly proportional to the rain boots fad! Gone were the days when rain boots are for farmers only because now, rain boots come in wide variety of fashionable prints and colors. Perfect for the typhoon-y Philippines. Just last week, typhoon Falcon hit our country causing flood all over the metro. According to a friend, almost everyone at the hospital including interns and residents were wearing colorful rain boots. At least, colors and pretty prints can still be seen submerged in the flood---not just garbage, iwas leptospirosis pa!

My housemate Emily bought a pair that came in girly color pink and it's loaded with awesome cuteness!!! I feel inggit so I'm contemplating of buying a pair for myself. I can imagine wearing this one below walking drenched in the ankle-deep flood along Taft. Hehehehehehe. 

But this one totally looks ABSURD!! Wedding rain boots? Hello!

RIP, Des. :'(

Along with the drizzly morning, my clogged nasal cavity and nonproductive cough came the news of her untimely death. The entire day was gloomy as though the world mourns her passing.

Our friendship started when we became classmates in junior high school, we weren't really that close as we had our respective barkadas but I came to know her better during senior high when we both write for our school gazette. We had our occasional trips to downtown Iligan City to "check on the progress" of the school paper and "do some editing". Those were the days when my parents' strictness was at its peak. To make things more convenient for us, Des would volunteer their house for a sleep over then we'd go back to Marawi early the following day. Just like some common all-girls sleep over, we'd watch movies and talk about stuff. I don't remember the movies anymore but I perfectly remember the arrangement of their house at Del Carmen and her hospitality (aka, she prepares no-pork food for me). Des was one of the sweetest girls in class. When we separated ways in college, she'd really make beso-beso three times just the way Muslims do whenever we saw each other at the university "canopies", she hugs so tight and will never fail to say "I miss you" wearing her sincerely sweet smile. 

It wasn't long ago, around October 2010 if I'm not mistaken when she was diagnosed to have acute myelocytic leukemia. Ironically, the most curable leukemia. The last time I checked on her was she was undergoing treatment so my jaw dropped when Jessie called me up in the morning to announce her death. :( All the while I thought she was on the road to recovery.

Desiree T. Taburada, RN. 

Des, know that I am forever grateful for being a tiny piece in your colorful life. Thank you for the wonderful friendship which will forever be cherished. Without you, Quasar 2003 will NEVER be complete. Wherever you are, may your rest in eternal peace. 

Lakbay Tayo!!!

My Lakbayan grade is C-!!! Aaaahhh!!! 

You may want to know your Lakbayan traveling grade here.


C'mon, TAKE ME AWAY RIGHT NOW!

Unusually Better... Or Is It Just LUCK?

How often do we fail our expectations? How often do we heave a that's-life sigh while accepting our fate when things turn out worse? Or, what is the probability that things will turn out BETTER?

I was having some anxiety attack prior to our 6-weeks community immersion due to the possibility of having a not-so-nice experience from my would-be partner, would-be foster family and the community itself. I was faced with many issues and what-ifs like what if my partner (a choice between Crystal, Suzie and Tina) is someone who isn't tolerable enough (okay, that is vague), what if my foster family is reluctant to have a Muslim foster child, what if we need to hike kilometers of muddy and unpaved road to be able to get to the health center, how about my safety and security in the place? A lot of questions were running through my head I almost didn't wake up on Tuesday for our early morning trip.

Our block is divided into four clusters: Bataan, Bulsa, Imelda and Laiya,  meaning two sets of girls and another two sets of boys. We draw lots with our hands in tremors. Luck was on our side that fateful afternoon when Suzie and I picked LAIYA APLAYA!!! It's the farthest yet it's the best! For one, our foster home is a public resort which only means that our room is the one rented by guests during summer vacayes. It's not the million-dollar worth kind of resort but hey, it is absolutely NOT BAD as we expect it to be! Imagine the comfort!! Suz and I decided not to brag about our place to avoid depression among our blockmates who are, well..... unfortunate. Sorry guys. :'(  The distance of 22 kilometers from the poblacion of San Juan, Batangas is all worth it.

So guys, welcome to our home!!

Island Sky resort is owned by Ate Edith Abanilla, our foster ate who lives with a lola (non-blood related to Ate Edith, apparently, inampon daw niya si lola kasi pinalayas ng anak!! ) and her niece whose parents are OFWs. Our room is that brown door immediately from the terrace while Ate Edith lives at the back house, that silver-colored door at the rightmost. Technically, we don't live together as a "family" in it's real sense. Well, they're not a real family in the first place. I think that defeats the purpose, but we don't care so long as we have a tiled CR with a ceramic bowl, two large beds, fridge, electric heater and an aircon!! Ok, that part we do not want to brag to our blockmates coz they might cry sands and stones!

Another good thing is that the health center where we hold clinics every Wednesdays and Thursdays is just a five-minute tricycle drive from our home. Hailing a tricycle is one of the difficult things in our place but thankfully, Kuya Raffy's just one text away! We mingled with Ma'am Ellen, the barangay midwife and some of the barangay health workers who are more than willing to accommodate us. Most of our cases were just upper respiratory tract infections and systemic viral infections, rarely do we have hypertension and others. The most toxic one was a diffuse toxic goiter which we referred to the district hospital for the work-ups. Alhamdulillah. Things went really just fine on our first week.

We had a courtesy call to the Barangay Captain on our second day. This captain is not your ordinary captain because he owns Kabayan Resort  and most business establishments at Laiya Aplaya. He welcomed us into his mansion within his resort, and he offered us their trademark kape barako. His friend, Mr. S. from the Aplaya Corporation was also there that morning. Too bad we weren't able to linger around the resort kasi nahiya kami!!! 

Kap also owns this quiet and quite high-end coffee shop located just a few meters away from the HC. We arrive here after clinics at around 3:00 pm and that's the time they turn their aircons on, which could only mean that we are probably their only customer for that day! LOL. We stay there until nearing curfew time connecting with the rest of the world through the world wide web aka Facebook and Twitter. 

Meet the lucky duo, Suzie and I! 

Hello, Laiya Aplaya!!
If you woke up everyday to this magnificent view, don't you just wanna lie down and daydream all day loooong? 

FIVE WEEKS TO GO!! :)

Currently Thinking About These....

Photo courtesy of www.stylecovered.com

Clothes.
I want some shopping spree..
But I am on my way to becoming broke due to the expenses that our community rotation demands.
I need to withhold some personal wants for a while. Chos!
I'll be off to Batangas tomorrow.

FamMed With A B-A-N-G!!!!!

It was Suzie and I's last PM duty at the Ambulatory Care and instead of the hackneyed Last Duty Syndrome, this is what we got!!!!!

Lights off. Basically, our role last night was "bantay" ng Ambu. LOL. This scene was opposite from our last PM duty na 4:30 AM, may mga pending patients pa.

 Empty Ambu!!!! Weeee!! Record breaker kami! We had only one patient at around 11:30 pm who came in due to palpitations, shivering and a feeling of choking. We thought of a medical condition like arrythmia or some endocrinologic problems, but upon probing, we found out that she's been worrying about a lawsuit against her and the future of her 8 children, 7 of which married at an early age without finishing college, unemployed and with children of their own. It's a bitter world for that old lady. Hence, our verdict was: 

I- panic disorder, without agoraphobia 

II- defer

III- hypertension, diabetes mellitus, obese 2

IV- financial and family problems

V- 71-80

Another good news, our block received a 12-hour merit "for actively participating during EBM conference". Technically, it was only DS and Irving who should receive the merit because it was they who did most of the talking but we were just so lucky to have been showered by their blessings. The two got an additional 5 points though, perhaps will be added to their shifting exam score. Speaking of shifting exam, bukas na pala yun!!!! 

Alhamdulillah. Allah's the best! :)

FamMed Week 2

Ang sarap mag-duty sa Ambu kung ganito ang eksena. Walang tao. :)

Lalo na pag ang nasa katapat na Pedia Triage ay ang crush na benign din. Kung close lang kami, a wave would suffice to make my day. <3

At the FamMed-OPD, this sight greets us everyday. Kulang pa nga 'to eh. 50% lang 'to ng total OPD consults, our quota is at least 70 patients everyday. It doesn't seem toxic at all because there are at least 6 interns and around 5-7 residents catering to patients. So around at most 7 patients everyday for each. Plus, our cases are the super benign ones like dyspesia, UTIs, BPHs, acute gastritis, hypertension and etcetera.

 What I appreciated most about this rotation is we get to make our own assessment and plan for every patient we handle. The resident would check what's unnecessary or lacking in our management so we are being corrected. The most rewarding feeling is when the resident agrees with my management and is being carried out. I know I did the right thing. Love it! 

The one with the arrow below is the genogram I did for a patient, yan ang toxic! Mahaba-habang chikahan yan with the patient. 

We're about to end in few days time and we're off to the Community. I'm so not looking forward to it. But let's see. Baka mag-enjoy din ako. 

EBM Dilemma

I'm on my 2nd week at Family Medicine which is our last week in the department. I'm enjoying every single moment of my OPD duty especially when the resident agrees with my diagnosis and my management. There are always glitches but it feels good when the resident gently discusses the case with me and tells me what should have been done. I'm enjoying my learning experience EXCEPT for this Evidence-Based Medicine shit that I have no knowledge about. I wonder why our school didn't teach us such! Thanks to my blockmate who sent a copy of an EBM self-instruction manual to our yahoogroup. The introduction goes:

Medicine is a dynamic endeavor. Everyday challenging problems

arise, new modalities of treatment are promoted, disease 

management done under minimal or far from ideal conditions etc. 

Because of these challenges the quality of care also changes.  

Suppose a patient who consulted in your clinic with a diagnosis of

dyspepsia is asking for another prescription because the antacid

you previously prescribed was not effective. What will you give H2-

blocker or proton pump inhibitor? Or you may see another patient 

consulting for cough productive of yellowish phlegm who asked for 

a prescription of an antibiotic. Will you prescribe an antibiotic or 

not? These are common problems that may escape our attention 

and diminish the quality of care we give if we make inappropriate 

decisions. 

In the old practice faced with this question, a physician will just ask 

a colleague or an expert for the answer or rely on his/her prior 

knowledge of the disease. He may also prescribe a drug because 

of the promotional lecture he attended previously about the 

product.  

In evidence-based medicine a new paradigm is introduced. Before

he makes a decision, the physician will first try to retrieve his latest 

article about the topic that he kept from his file, appraise the article

then makes a decision. Later, he evaluates the effectiveness of his 

decision. This loop ensures improvement in the quality of care.  

The purpose of this self-instructional manual is to introduce to 

family physicians the concept of evidence based medicine and the 

use of these concepts to improve the quality of his/her own 

practice. 

EBM is real complicated for someone like me who will start from scratch. Formulating a clinical dilemma is non-tedious, clinical appraisal is. 

I'm contented with the pacing of our duty hours: 12 hours at Ambulatory Care, we receive patients from the triage who are not suited for admission. Not toxic in terms of the work load, toxic lang ang history taking and PE! Like you need to include a genogram and you're not supposed to abbreviations! Ayos lang, ganun naman talaga ideally but my hands hurt a lot! Tsaka, ubos na ink ng ballpens ko! 

When we're not on duty, we do OPD works at FamMed OPD, which means we're free on weekends like this. I want to watch a movie tomorrow but I don't know who's available to accompany me. 

We're off to the community in one-week time and I'm cringing at the idea. I just don't like going off. Hmp. 

My mind's clouded. I'm going senti. Need some shut eye. 

Hijab+Uniform+Pork

On some days I wear my old skirt, on most days I wear pants which is the "proper" uniform. I felt the urgency to shop for more pretty tops. This is the time I wish I am rich. :D 

P.S.
My blockmates inquire about why I wear my hijab. They ask too many a question while I try my best to enlighten them about it but most of the time, the conversation falls to why I don't eat pork! I might as well have a deeper Islamic research about that. #choz!

Poor Brain, Rich Eyes

First of all, I know that this blog was created to air my insights and all that weird things boiling down inside my thoughts. However, due to the swift constant revolution of my everyday life, there has been some scarcity of musings nowadays. Or probably I get used to the wretchedness of this world---the hospital, that is---that I lost connection to my inner humanity. While it's good to escape and find diversion, I'm afraid to get stuck into  the "other world" that I might get lost on my way back. Still, I escape because I need that diversion. Now, instead of sharing a piece of my brain, I'm gonna share pieces of what my eyes see in my everyday life. I don't have a great camera, I only have my mobile phone with me hence the poor quality of my photos. :( 

Last weekends, I was fortunate to be duty-free on Saturday and Sunday morning, so I went home to Merville at my cousins' home. I haven't been there since the start of internship. I was so glad to be back and play with my nieces. Here is Sabreen, my cousin Ate Pie's eldest. Such a cute darling!

In this photo, she's pretending to read. I love it when she mumbles un-understandable words while pointing to every single paragraph. Haha!

Sab. She's only two.

 Before I went back to my dorm. I accompanied Ate Hannah to SM Makati where I had a chance to feast my eyes on the pretty dresses and blouses of Forever 21! Aaaaah! How I drooled! But I was broke I went out empty-handed. :(

 I loiter nowadays at our condo lounge at 10th floor where there is swimming pool and free Wi-Fi. I never tried the pool kasi stagnant ang water! Haha. One fine afternoon, I had this view from where I was sitting and tweeting. :) Love the sunset sky! I imagined myself to be sipping coffee with a loved one sitting beside me...but nerrrhhh, it didn't happen. Most probably it won't happen. Aaaaahh!!! Nooooo!!

 My housemates: Emily and Sal. We're gonna have a new housemate since Pie moved out. Yay for that! :D

Meet the Block U. "We Revive, U Survive!". That is our temporary slogan until we come up with a smarter one. LOL. Taken at Pedia-ER on our last day. Photo courtesy of Renzo G., our Track B co-intern. 

First row L-R: Crystal, DS, Dane and Rex
Second row L-R: Tina, moi, Suzie
Back: Alaric

 Our Pedia-ER team. I'm gonna miss them, they're the best so far! They're so sweet and all. I admire Ma'am Glo, our senior resident, for being so composed and calm no matter how toxic we are! (except for that time her voice rose because of a cruel patient's watcher).

L-R: Suzie, moi, Ma'am X-Tina (thanks for allowing me to write my own order!), Ma'am Glo (the great!), Ma'am Inah (thanks for that recommendation for 24-hour merit!) and Tina. :)

 Block U's first lunchdate. So, these are the people I'm gonna be with for the rest of internship. :)

Done with my first month in Pedia. Next round of Pedia-OPD and Ward will be April next year.

Next stop: Family and Community Medicine. I am so ignorant about Evidence-Based Medicine. We just don't have that back in MSU. Aaaah, why oh why!!! It will take time for me learning that while my blockmates are so knowledgeable about it. 

Talk To Me, Kid.

I declare: I LOATHE STUBBORN KIDS! Only because I wasn't when I was little. I wasn't afraid of needles, of people wearing white, i.e., nurses and/or doctors, and most importantly, I was easily talked to! I still am, by the way. Why do kids nowadays are so maarte like they are trying to act like an adult and they wanted their whims and caprices to be followed? BRATS! You know what, parents and older sibs out there, these kids MUST know who takes the lead and who is the follower. Right? 

We had a patient last night, 9 year old male, brought in at around 9:00 pm and was complaining of right lower quadrant abdominal pain. He was s/p appendectomy last year so we were contemplating on bowel obstruction secondary to adhesions. In other words, he will be transported to the OR as soon as possible to prevent further compromise. The Pedia-Surg resident asked us (Suzie and I) to insert a foley catheter and nasogastric tube. I was the one who inserted his IV line so I knew he was so inquisitive like he asks too many questions and since you cannot lie to a child, I had to explain tiny details including why I need to place leukoplast all over the IV cannula. Then comes foley cath insertion, we had to explain ALL the details that need to be done. The parents were there to console and assure him. So we thought everything's okay. When Suzie was about to enter the tip of the tube, he shrieked and closed his thighs together which made it impossible for us to perform the procedure. We talked him down in our most soothing voice, said all the things that would probably make him comfortable. Epic fail. We left and decided to return when he's ready.

Two hours later, we came back with another set of foley cath. Still wearing our baby voice, we talked to him as if he's an adult hoping to alleviate his apprehension. Yet, no effect. We called a resident, who did a lot consoling. The kid was shouting: "Hindi niyo kasi alam ang pakiramdam!", and the resident answered: "Naku hijo, pinagdaanan ko na ang lahat. Lahat na ng klase ng tubo nagawa na sa'kin..Kaya sige na please, mabilis lang naman eh. Please?" in her most begging look.We even mixed lidocaine with the lubricant to make him a little numb. Still, no effect.

Five hours passed and he was still throwing tantrums. We called the Pedia-Surg resident to help us out who did a lot of bargaining with the boy until she almost lost her patience. He was so whimsical he wanted everything he says to be followed. We were initially giving in to him, until the Pedia-Surg resident noticed how stubborn he is. So much talking on our part and so much yelling and shouting on the boy's part. He's 9 years old and difficult to restrain. He doesn't listen to anyone, not even to hisparents. We gave him midazolam which sedated him for like a few minutes, but when he felt the NGT poking on his nose, he struggled again and regained his energy!! Aaaaack! This time, we had other watchers help us restrain him until we successfully inserted both the NGT and the foley cath at around 3:00 am! The worst part is, when I pushed 10cc of water on the catheter for inflation, he squeaked and struggled so the needle passed through my skin! That was my second prick last night. On the positive note, both needles were not used for blood extraction...otherwise, I need to panic!

It was a long 24-hour duty. We bagged almost whole day, two of which expired. :(
Conducting patients who doesn't respond to midazolam to the CT-Scan room.
Suzie and I had "The Phenobarbital Incident".
And, THAT BOY.
We left the ER this morning with the preduties bagging again. *Sigh*

Bagging Tina

Triage Area. 

Adult Triage. Sitting and looking from the Pedia Triage, parang ayoko mag-duty diyan!

Finally, na-sedate na rin ang patient na ayn!

L-R: Tina, Ai and Suzie! :)

What Now, Internship

I'm on my third week of the daily grind of internship, my first rotation is Pedia-NICU where we catch babies at the delivery room, doing rounds at the ward and on the last four days of our NICU rotation, we served as manongs (meaning, running all the errands) at the neonatal intensive care unit. Here, we are practicing the Essential Newborn Care (ENC) advocated by the World Health Organization wherein there is delayed cord clamping (to prevent anemia), skin to skin contact with the mother and early latching on. Apparently, this provides closer mother-child bonding. Sweet. :) Although, I don't get to read as much as I can (oh well, I don't actually read at all! crazy!), the residents here are not selfish of their knowledge. You ask anything and everything and they will totally exhaust whatever they know to teach you. All you need is to be inquisitive. At first I was hesitant to ask because I get used to the culture of getting your questions thrown back at you with that "hindi mo alam?" look. It's so different here, residents say a lot of thank yous which they're not actually obliged to because it is our job to do the work. They're that courteous. I am not saying that people from where I came from are not courteous enough, they're just different, probably in the manner of speaking (?). On my first catcher duty, I didn't know it was High Risk day, which means that all high-risk pregnancies are scheduled to deliver. We got two congenital hydrocephalus, one nasoethmoidal meningocoele, one 24 weeker (we considered abortion because the baby weighed only 450 g), another 28 weeker and babies of preeclamptic mothers. We got 16 catches that night. 

At the NICU, where I had hard time studying how mechanical ventilators work (yeah, shame on me, right? wala kaya kami dun, bow.), we still had cases of hydrocephalus, mostly preterm babies on sepsis, hyaline membrane diseases, cases of craniosynostosis like pfeiffer syndrome and we also had cases of abandoned babies!! No kidding! There's an 8-month old twin girls there! Nananawagan po kami sa nanay nila, balikan niyo po mga anak niyo!

*I want to share photos of them but to avoid legal issues, whatever it is, wag na lang. :)

We are now posted at the Pedia ER where the cases continue to amaze me. We got rare cases (rare from where I came from, but they seem to be uncommon here, LOL) such as:

a. posterior fossa tumor probably astrocytoma vs. medullastoma with hydrocephalus (5 year old, male)

b. sacrococcygeal teratoma (3 year old, female)

c. hereditary spherocytosis

d. aplastic anemia vs. acute leukemia (9 year old, male)

e. congenital heart disease, cyanotic; transposition of great arteries (7 month old)

f. nasoethmoidal meningocoele (3 year old, female)

g. chronic idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura 

h. congenital heart disease, cyanotic with severe infundibular valvular pulmonary stenosis (3 year old, female)

i. congenital adrenal hyperplasia in crisis

j. acute lymphoid leukemia

There are also cases that seemed to have no place in the ER like:

a. kerosene ingestion, accidental

b. paracetamol overdosage, non-accidental

c. mr. muscle ingestion, non-accidental

d. acute appendicitis

People are asking me how toxic PGH can get, I say toxic is an understatement, yet it is only in the mind! *winks* :) 

P.S.
I got merit during the Pedia-Neuro teaching rounds last night for being able to trace the CSF pathway. What now, Dr. L? HAHA. :)

This Is How The World Is

Marcus Aurelius, one of the more wise of the Roman Emperors stated one day:

"Today, I shall meet people who speak much, who are selfish, loathsome, and who love only themselves. Yet I will not be annoyed or bewildered by them, because I don't imagine the rest of the world to be any different."

-from the book, Don't Be Sad by 'Aidh ibn Abdullah bin Al-Qarni. Such an enlightening book.

Postduty (5-16-11)

Postduty at Pedia ER means going home as early as 7:30 am so long as the duties and the preduties are already in. How can I not love it?! After freshin' up, I went to Coffee Bean at Rob, bringing Febro's laptop (which he just stashed away in our sala. Mayaman?!). For god's sake I cannot bring my own coz aside from its heavy weight, the battery dies away in like three minutes!! I think I need a new one. I wish my dad gets to read this. Hehe. 

Now after living in this condominium for two weeks now, I just got the chance to check out the amenities. Here I am blogging at the lounge enjoying the FREE WIFI and the windy, sunny afternoon! I kinda regret buying a broadband. It cost quite a heavy amount on my pocket.

The children at the swimming people just stepped out so I gained back my peace of mind. Wohoo! 

I LOVE IT TODAY! That's the point of this entry. 

P.S.

We're supposed to have a small group discussion (SGD) today but was postponed by the consultant. She told us that our SGD will be on "THUESDAY"! Typo? Yeah, but still, it confused us. Consultant kaya yun, nakaka-intimidate mag-clarify ulit. There's a wide difference between Tuesday and Thursday. As confirmed, it's gonna be tomorrow, TUESDAY. I just can't figure out what was the "H" doing there. LOL. 

Of Shoes And Comfort

Photo taken at Taal Vista, Tagaytay City on the last week of April. The view was magnificent!!

This is my first post about fashion here because firstly I am not a fashionista-slash-fashion blogger. I love fashion, I love seeing (and sometimes buying) fashionable items but I am not the kind who religiously follow the trend. The first thing I consider is comfort. I have to be comfortable with what I wear. Hence, you don't see me wearing high-heeled footwears often. Now that internship requires a lot of walking, I need something that pampers my feet while running all the errands. For that, I am grateful to this Sanuk I bought last year. It took me to places without hurting my feet! 

Days before internship, my cousins and I were at Power Plant Mall and this Toms shoes definitely caught my eye! Been musing about buying a pair of Toms for internship because first and foremost, their One on One campaign is interesting. You buy one pair and you give another pair to those children in utter need of shoes---children in Africa. You can google it, I'm lazy posting the link. LOL. BTW, it's a good form of charity. My cousin was jokingly asking the saleslady if she could just get the free pair coz she's also in need of a pair of shoes. Haha.  

This is what mine looks like, except that it is brown plaid. Perfect for running errands all over the maze called PGH. Probably I will write about how often I get lost in the corridors of PGH. I get lost and then find myself. But with Toms, I don't get lost!! I kid!

Why This Jungle

 Written on April 21, 2011; 2:55 pm, thousands feet above the ground on PAL flight PR 186.

I am writing on a plane bound for Manila, where after spending my whole life in Mindanao, I will be settling for a year (and more) to pursue my internship. I left my loved ones with a heavy heart due to the distance and the fact that I will not be seeing them for the coming months. I melted when my aunts and uncles threw a surprise send-off party two days before I left, everyone was there! I was ecstatic! Then, my mom invited them for dinner a night before my flight. Happiness! I couldn’t help my tears though when it was time to bid farewell.

Several months ago, I was confronted by a major confusion on where to pursue my one year post-grad internship (PGI). There were several aspects to consider and after a long mind boggling battle, here are the reasons why I chose a hospital in Metro Manila over Cebu and Davao:

1.       It is Manila, the Capital of the Philippines which monopolizes almost everything that is supposed to be shared to other parts of the country. Hence, Manila has almost everything. Here is where is you can see and observe everyone from the opposite ends of the economic scale. Exploring this urban jungle will help me become strong and vigilant. I will meet plethora of people with different personalities, way far from where I came and for that I believe I can adapt proficiently. *cross fingers*

2.       It is UP-PGH. The National University Hospital. Need I say more? Yes, toxic na kung toxic, OA sa katoxican but how can one become better if one doesn’t push himself a little harder? One has to try to the end of his limits to test what he is capable of.

3.       I have my cousins here. Like I always say, nothing beats being with the family. Knowing I have my cousins here, my parents are quite comfortable sending me here. They need not worry about me coz I have people to run to whenever something untoward is up.

4.     I have my friends here. More than half of my highschool berks are Manila-based. Some are raising a happy family here (yes, they have children, I’m so old!), some are pursuing post grad studies while others are earning bundles of bucks here. My Quasar friends are here also, in fact, Rox is a co-intern ad hopefully Jehan will join us here at UP-PGH, soon! Happiness!

With this, I can only pray to God to give me the courage and strength (physical, spiritual, intellectual and emotional strength) in facing and beating all the ODDS.

We just got back home from my newly wed cousin M and his wife's kandori (thanksgiving) and thought to myself "What is more lovely than a couple who fought all the odds and found their way to each other?"

It is not unknown how parents arrange marriage for their children in the Meranao society out of purest and best intent. They choose among close relatives to create a tighter bond within the clan, mainly for alliance. For us, the most numerous in number is the most powerful clan. Parents meticulously hand pick The Chosen One for their child and consider various aspects, most importantly a bright future that is in store for their child and The Chosen One. However, most often than not, they consider too much about the in-law's family that they take for granted the compatibility of the two people they are going to wed. They overlook their children's rights and wants. By children, I mean these are actually grown-up men and women devoid of their inherent right to personally choose for themselves. Parents tend to satisfy their whims by neglecting their children's happiness. We are people too, y'know. Most importantly, we are grown-ups (at least we'd like to think so) and I believe we are capable of finding The One for ourselves.

After writing this, people might picture me as an ungrateful, selfish, rebellious and stubborn daughter. Call it defiance of the culture set by our forefathers but I want to set things straight in some aspects. Parents and children must at least meet halfway, right? Parents, no forcing please. Children, try to compromise.....peacefully and respectfully. 

Most importantly, I'd like to address this to all the men who have marriage playing in their minds. If you think you are ready to settle down, make sure you have fixed it with the one you want to settle down with. Be man enough to understand the complexity of what you are about to enter so do not allow anyone to dictate your heart. You are endowed with an intelligence to decide for yourself. There is no one on this earth who can tell you who to marry but your heart, so listen carefully to it. Pursue the one you truly love and choose carefully, but still,. in accordance to your parents' standards so you will not end up as a cast out in your clan. It must be a mutual decision between the two of you. Hence, if you sense that the woman doesn't feel like spending the rest of her life with you, then please, don't push your luck, stay away for she's definitely not The One. 

Why am I writing this? Because I admire my cousin M and his wife A for fighting for their love despite the distance and the somewhat seemingly endless adversities. I admire M for following his heart and for playing deaf when dictators came to him. I admire A for waiting patiently. They do not only brought two clans together but they showed us what real love can do. For that, I pray for a blissful and blessed marriage for them. 

After all their visitors left. M wearing flesh polo shirt and A is the one in blue veil. :)

After Every Rainfall Must Come A Rainbow

This song by my favorite band, Outlandish, released this song which is dedicated to the Pakistani blood victims last year. As much as I want to, I can not post the video here due to some technical errors. But if you want to hear the music behind these beautiful words, you may want to listen and watch this.
Please do because it is just awesome!! I hope this touches your soul. :)

(ISAM)
Some people in our world today
Can dream and wonder why
Some people in our world today
Can only wait to die
Empty my conscience for your love
A bouncing finger lets me know I’m alive
& its still rains outside my window
Rains outside my window
Still rains outside my window

Some got it bad, some got it worse
Life can sometimes look like a curse
So I cry my heart out, Let it all go
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.

Some got it bad, some got it worse
Life can sometimes be so absurd
So I cry my heart out Let it all go
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.

(WAQAS)
Uh
Some people got it bad
Sum people got it worse
Since the day of the birth
Everyday end of earth
Live to die another day
Sure I say “congratulations”
But désolé
If the roof should come down today
Rest assure I’m there to wipe away the dirt with pure intention
Some corrupt
Brought a lil bag of hope
What’s up (?)

(ISAM)
Some got it bad, some got it worse
Life can sometimes look like a curse
So I cry my heart out, Let it all go
Cuz after every rainfall
Must come a rainbow.

Some got it bad, some got it worse
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.
I cry my heart out, Let it all go
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.

I can’t run, I can’t hide
The struggle only makes us stronger tonight

(ISAM)
If I don’t find u here
Said if I don’t find u here
I hope to find u way up there
Some got it bad, some got it worse
Life can sometimes look like a curse
So I cry my heart out, Let it all go
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.

Some got it bad, some got it worse
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.
I cry my heart out, Let it all go
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.

(WAQAS)
Ansoo hain, behne do

(ISAM)
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.
I cry my heart out, Let it all go
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.

(LENNY)
despues de cada gota sale el sol
despues de cada nota una cancion

[TRANSLATION:]
after each drop the sun rises, a
fter each note a song

(ISAM)
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.

(LENNY)
despues de cada gota sale el sol
despues de cada nota una cancion

(ISAM)
Cuz after every rainfall must come a rainbow.

(WAQAS)
Ansoo hain, behne do

[TRANSLATION:]
they're tears, let them fall

(ISAM)
I said every rainfall must come a rainbow.

"Lost in Love" Awardee

Our own despedida party was held this evening at school. It was just a very simple event but the program was exactly how we want it to be. There were fun kiddie games such as pinoy henyo and charades, many doctors came participated in the games, gave us unforgettable piece of their wisdom, and showcased their talents by singing!! It's really cool watching serious-looking doctors singing to us and joining the fun! Awards were also given to everyone in the class based on some unforgettable characteristics of each and everyone for the past four years mostly during the clerkship where most bloopers of our lives occurred. Example is "Journalist of the Year" given to the person who had lengthy extension duties that consultants pitied him and just told him to pass some journals to lessen his extension duty hours! We also have "Doctor Magnet" given to that person who directly answers all the questions by the doctors even her phone number! The "Eavesdropper" award given to that person who simply sits and pretends to read, little did we know, she absorbs everything that we talked about. So she is very knowledgeable of all the circulating chikas! Another was the "Best in Argument" given to that person who frequently argues with some hospital personnel!  "Through out the Years" award was given to that person who hasn't physically changed a bit since first year! "Read Between The Line" award was given to two people who left our boggled mind the answer: "what you see is what you get". Yiiiheee!! <3  There were more than 40 awards given and everything was hilarious my stomach and jaw ached from excessive laughing!

I got this "Lost In Love" Award. I googled this photo and it kinds spooked me at how those three words were depicted in such a miserable manner.  LOL.

The reason I got that award was that during clerkship, every single soul at House A (Group A clinical clerks) found love or stayed in love EXCEPT me. I am not being cynical about love contrary to a friend who consider it as overrated and all that blahs. It's as simple as I'm not in a hurry to find and to be found. I am looking forward to that day when I fall madly in love, that feeling of true love, that intensely consuming kind of love, that you-can't-live-without-each-other kind of love---I don't know how it feels (can anyone describe this abstract thing to me?) but I know I will feel it when it arrives. Needless to say, I trust the perfect person at the perfect time will come and it is just NOT now. NOT at this point of my life. 

I've said my piece. Bow.

Elusive Time

It is my lifetime goal to be able to see the world and appreciate its wonders. My undergrad course (BS Zoology) allowed me to wander at some tourist spots in the Philippines for educational purposes, i.e., studying flora and fauna. We've been to Camiguin Island, Apo Island at Negros Oriental, Bukidnon, Dumaguete City, Bohol, and a lot of places where nature manifests its beauty. My course took me to places in my own land, Lanao, that I had never been before and discovered the magnificence that lies behind the great Lake Lanao and the virgin mountains surrounding it. In med school, I grabbed every opportunity such as conventions to be able to travel. We roamed around Davao when we were freshmen, and when the APMC-Annual Convention was held at UP Manila during our sophomore year, we had a side trip at the cool city of Tagaytay and all through out Laguna and visited the beaches of Cavite. Philippines is a beautiful country indeed and there is yet so much to see. 

Two years ago, I had my passport ready. I remember my parents asking WHY I am working on a passport. I told them that I want to travel outside the country most probably just around Asia after med school which will serve as my gift to myself for an...ahem...a job well done. With my persuasive power, I convinced my friends to have their passports ready too and save up for the trip. We had it planned and our first stop was supposedly:

MALAYSIA!!

Photo courtesy of Google. Thank you very much.

And then we are supposed to have a side trip to:

SINGAPORE!!

Again, from Google. Thank you!

We already had our travel itinerary and boy was I excited!! This is a dream come true!! I pictured myself exploring Kuala Lumpur, riding a cable car to Genting Island, visiting International Islamic University at Selangor where my father impressed a beautiful memory, and of course walking down the busy street of Orchard Road at Singapore where Ken Zhu grew up!! 

BUT. 

After our graduation rites, I looked at my calendar and realized how less time left we have before we go and proceed to internship. If the trip would push through, that gives me little less than a week to be able to spend time with my family at home. That made me re-think things over. And as always, I weighed the pros and the cons. The cons won. I backed out and explained to my friends my reason and I am more than happy to hear when S told me she won't be forcing me to come and she respects my decision. As I said in my previous post, I felt such a relief. I felt like I was freed from the pressure of chasing time which must be completely absent when one is traveling. 

Malaysia and Singapore can wait, but the amount of time I would be spending with my family is priceless. :)

P.S.

Due to the same reason, i,e, scarcity of time, my friends realized the pressure the trip brings. Hence, none of us will go. Some other time, Insha Allah.