The Becoming

"Why do you want to become a doctor?"

This is an essential and vital question being asked upon entering med school. I remember sticking to my truthful answer: because it's my lifelong dream. I may haven't known the rough road towards reaching it, all I know at that present moment was how much I wanted to become one. I didn't said anything heroic like helping the community or to become rich to help my family (because certainly, one doesn't get rich in the medical profession), or making the world a better place. Frankly, those were never my intentions. Being not a member of The Social Liability Club is already a contribution in making this world a better place, at least for me. Sure I do know that taking med school seriously means reading and re-reading mountain loads of medical books and locking yourself away from the wordly things, but I never had an inkling as to how the clinics go. Sure we were told that being on call means stopping whatever you're doing, including sex, and attend to patients. Easier said than done, eh? Now I have a hard time staying awake and pushing myself to the ER when an admission comes. It occurred to me how naive I was about a real doctor's life---how much time he sacrifices for his profession. The responsibilities a doctor is shouldering---to the humanity, to his colleagues and to medicine itself. During my me-times, I cannot help but wonder. Had I known the difficulty of going into the clinics, the hurly-burly world that is embedded in the medical profession, would I plunge into this? I probably would have considered another profession. But what?

I don't wonder why many doctors opted to become single for life. If one doesn't perfect the art of time management, then he shall choose between his profession and his personal life (read: getting married and having children). And most toughies I know opted the former. Honing a doctor's skills requires a long time, you don't stop when you earn your license. Being just a mere general practitioner puts you in the lowermost rank in the medical world. The only difference you have with a clerk or an intern is a piece of paper called license. You still have to undergo years and years of training to acquire that great status of being on the top hierarchy--- consultant. And when you become one, you realize how much personal time you've missed. 

I cannot think of anything that suits me best. I loved what I'm doing from the very beginning. But probably when all the energy and physical strength are exhausted and being put under too much pressure, it gets the best of us and we wanted to evaporate from the current boiling situation. At the end of the day, being a doctor is my cup of tea. This is my first love and we don't get easily unattached from our first love, right? If I haven't had the concrete answer on that very first question asked when I entered med school, probably  I can picture out everything in place now that I am towards the finish line. I want to make a difference. And plunging  into the medical profession, no matter how hard it seems, is my own way of achieving that difference I wanted. :) 

P.S.

I'm seriously in-love with Pediatrics I feel bad that we only have two weeks left in the department. :(

[ai-sha]

This is the best music video with the best lyrics from the most gorgeous band. EVER. :)

Hi, I'm Aisha.

Now you know why. :)

Also, Isam Bachiri is one of the most handsome men walking on earth. :)

*swoons*

All Things Hearty

I discovered all these photos through her blog, which are actually from here. We're four months away from the love month but I just feel like sharing. :)

FLING. That school crush that makes you smile every time he passes by. So highschool-ish but one of my fondest memories ever. 

It's heartwarming seeing people in-love. I just don't fit in that picture. 

Probably because that person hasn't come into existence in my life yet. Only God knows when. LOL. In other words, ipinapasadiyos ko na.

It never really began. But it happened. Case closed. 

Now here, I can perfectly put myself into. But, it's over now. 

From that, I learned. 

P.S. 

Drunken Fontanelles

In the newborn physical examination sheet, I described the infant's anterior and posterior fontanelles as "neither sunken nor drunk  bulging". I doubt if any pediatrician could imagine how a drunken fontanelles look like. But a drunken clerk? Certainly they can. Yakult-drunken clerk. 

I learned today:

Acronyms/shortcuts must not be used in writing orders. For instance: BF with AP which means breastfeeding with aspiration precautions can also mean breastfeeding with attending physician, or the more obvious, boyfriend with attending physician. LMAO. 

Day Off

Everybody in my circle of friends (and family members too) outside the med world knows how difficult it is for someone like me to have a "real good time". You know, that laid back afternoon without thinking of anything hospital or school-related. Going out and chit-chatting without chasing the time, forgetting about getting up as early as 5:30 am the next day to be able to catch the morning rounds. Oh, that laid-back and relaxed life. After 2 weeks of rotating in the Pedia ER, OPD and Ward, I started my one-week NICU rotation last Monday and boy, was it helluva week!! I have been the most toxic(-est), yes, with all that superlatives, NICU clerk in the entire Class of 2011. Or so I think? But nobody among my classmates have experienced yet what I have been through. It's the childbirth peak season because counting back to their age of gestations, these kids were most probably made during the winter days---DECEMBER. Now I must admit, I'm a NICU patient magnet. :( I had the most number of admissions, most number of CS babies, most number of neonatal resuscitations, most number of preterm/pathologic babies, I also have babies with Down syndrome (I have two) and another one with Apert syndrome. And oh, I also have outborn cases: neonatal pneumonia, probable Hirschsprung disease, hemorrhagic disease of the newborn (na may pakapin na cephalhematoma), neonate with clavicular and ulnar fracture secondary to birth trauma (I'm contemplating of brachial plexus palsy for this patient). Considering I'm the ONLY NICU clerk, figure out how I try to make both ends meet. Chasing after mothers' pregnancy history and babies' physical examinations including Ballard scoring, left and right referrals in addition to hide-and-seeking game with the residents. I can only laugh. Yes, laugh. Delving into self-pity won't help so better laugh it off. 

Baby boy Manoza. It was love at first sight!!

Since today is a Saturday, we're only to spend half-day of duty. I feel like a bird freed from a cage, literally. Carrying my "luggage" (bags filled with scrub suits, books and essentials of a clerk from a 24-hour duty), I went to a parlor to pamper my overworked nails. After a little while, my phone rang. It was Bit-bit, my highschool friend who's from Saudi and is on a vacation. She asked if I have a vacant time to go out with some of our other friends for a late lunchdate. My eyes sprung out of its socket and I immediately affirmed. I changed from my worn out and stinky uniform to a more appropriate wardrobe and off I went. I terribly miss my girlfriends.

At Fontina with Sham, Bit, Soh and Timos. Great food, great company.

Bit. We've been friends for more than a decade now. 

Goodies from Bit, all the way from KSA. Prayer mat and hijab. Thanks girl!!

Great things occur during ordinary days. We don't know what happens next so it's important to cherish every single moment of our lives even it feels like hell. Sooner or later, hell days will be gone and will replaced with heavenly days. Just endure it with grace and calm, it will soon pay off. InshaAllah. :)