Motion

Everyday is made up of a new day, a new scenario that necessitates quick thinking and actions.

Everyday moves in an animated kind of way. Fast and speedy.

And before you know it, the day ended preparing for another completely new one.

However, at the same setting. 

And then you take a momentary pause.

Halt.

All the products of the energetic day gradually crawls into your being, starting from your toes up to your knees and trunk and head. Like a disease moving in a caudalocephalic pattern.

Body malaise.

Brain exhaustion.

And you see the world move around you, people passing by you, as if everybody's in chase of something you're not involved with. They're in chase of the marrow of life yet you are stuck in a constant motion. You want to catch up but something's tugging and holding you back. You see people at the peak of conquering adventures, love and life. Yet here you are, looking up at them, patiently waiting for this constant motion to unleash you.

You know you need that release. In an uninhibited manner. Unbounded. Free. 

Sleep. You realize it's the solution.

But sleep doesn't seem to come.

Because tomorrow means avoidance of sleep. 

And you reckon, you cannot take that momentary halt. 

Or, you damage your brain secondary to excessive thinking.

And just admit the inevitable fact that you just have to wait.

Patience. 

Patience.

Patience.

Soon, it will all gush in. 

******

I MISS MY OLD LIFE. 

I MISS MYSELF.

I think I have turned into a whole new persona I cannot even recognize myself. 

Um, I think I said that before. Probably it just didn't sink in. 

The Stars Are Out Tonight

I have a fascination for the celestial bodies particularly the stars. When I look up in the night sky and see the glittering dots against the velvety black background, its stillness brings a feeling of serenity and calmness. It makes me realize how small I am compared to the wide universe. It makes me wonder what it is beyond all the celestial beings that my eyes are capable of reaching. What is it like being out there in the universe? What do those ball of fires contain? Are they really fire? Is it possible that there are human beings exactly like us existing on the opposite side of where our galaxy now is situated? Ah, the vastness of the universe allows me to think vastly too. Hence, the love for star gazing. I used to spread a mat or bed sheet on our roof top and just stare at the sky, pointing to the brightest star and declaring it as my star. I own it, I tell my siblings. I make wishes too and as I grew up, just like any ordinary teenager who get absorbed by reading books and watching romance flicks, I wished to be kissed under a night sky full of stars (erm, aside from my wish of being kissed under the Eiffel tower). I know its becoming a reality is next to impossibility, but who knows, right? Just like this good friend of mine who I star-gazed with last year. We were physically separate but we watched a meteor shower together that happened on November 18 of last year. Few days later, he gave me this:

I intentionally covered my name for confidential purposes of this blog (yeah right, LOL!) and left only the initial of his name for his own privacy. Although its authenticity is questionable, only for the purpose of fun, this  really touched my soul. It was somehow a wish come true. Someone named a star for me, oh boy, I was beaming! All I said was a demure "thank you", little did he know how much it meant to me. This entry is for him to know, if ever he accidentally find his way in this little niche of mine, how much I appreciated his little gesture. I wish him all the best in this lifetime. For the love of stars, Amen. :)

Round Up

The Telephone

When it rings, it brings silence to the entire quarters. Everyone's crossing their fingers as if they're wishing not to be the next on a firing squad. When they're not being called, you can see a clerk's eyes shine. When they're wanted, you can see a poker face marching out of the room. 

*******

I was disheartened by a patient's watcher's comment regarding a fellow Meranao doctor practicing in Marawi City. Apparently, this patient transferred to our facility here in Iligan City because they felt the doctor was incompetent. But the statement "kagiya a Meranao" (because Meranao) referring to that doctor infuriated me. Why? Is it because that doctor is a Meranao makes him incompetent? I hate people making comment and dragging the race, as if that watcher isn't a Meranao herself. That's the problem with people with crab mentality. I don't believe that that doctor they're referring to is incompetent, because no specialist isn't confident with his management. Each doctor who underwent training in a specific field and has earned his diplomate or fellowship has an excellent rationale in every step that he does. They, the patient and her watchers just didn't listen to his management because they didn't believe in him all because he's a Meranao...just like them. Urgh. The power of crab mentality. I cannot blame brilliant Meranaos who don't practice in their homeland. 

*******

I bumped into a friend along the hospital hallway whose father is undergoing twice a week hemodialysis due to renal failure. He was smiling while I was inquiring about his father's disease. He told me his father's okay now although he doesn't actually look okay. He's using a staff to aid his walking, a surgical mask for reverse isolation and his color is that of a person with renal disease. I forgot the medical term for that, something that looks like a mix of bronze and dark bluish, something like magenta. Anyway, the pain behind his sincere smile pierced through me. I so wanna hug him tight if not only for a plenty of audience scattered all over. I cannot imagine the pain when you know that a loved one is undergoing a painful terminal disease and that anytime, he can be taken away. I admire family members who stay beside a loved one who is sick, that's so stressfull---emotionally and financially draining. But that's the beauty of family and that's the true meaning of "staying through thick and thin".  I pray for his father's early recovery (I believe in miracles) and I pray for good health for everyone especially for my family. 

*******

The Staple Food

Thank you Jollibee for providing us our un-healthy meals especially during Saturdays when the hospital canteen is closed. I've gained a significant amount of weight all throughout my Pedia rotation. I can't seem to fit in my uniforms. I hate feeling this way but I loooovvee eating. So much.

*******

And lastly, I've been fantasizing about this man the entire week. Okay, I lied. For more than a year now. :D

Biente Cinco

How can one person forget about his OWN birthday?

So it just happened to me. I totally went oblivious of the day when I should stop counting my age. Thanks to good friends who cannot forget my day, their SMS reminded me the moment the clock hand strike 12 mn. My mind was far from anticipating my birthday  due to the obvious busy-ness of my so-called life that time seemed to slip by unnoticed. I didn't even plan a birthday dinner/lunch like I used to. No fireworks, no bouquets, no harana, no birthday cake, nothing. I was at the hospital on the midnight of November 6, waiting to catch an infant  from her mother. I was particularly at the NICU partying with these cute little angels. :)

I totally didn't expect anybody to remember my day. I myself forgot about it, much more other people. However, there are certain people who unexpectedly remembered my day and it doesn't matter if FB did some little contribution. Special mention goes to Dr. FNC, the first person to send me a birthday greeting through SMS. He was the one who made me aware of my birthday. I was sitting at the NICU when I received his text and in an instant, I felt Cinderella-like when I turned my head on the wall clock the moment it strike 12 midnight. Haha!! Tsk, no prince charming for me though. Next, is my buddy co-mean clerk (you wouldn't want to imagine how mean we can get when the four of us, TP, SB and JEL are together!!), who exerted maximal effort in preparing a tray of sweets for me that greeted my morning. So sweet of her. :)

I saved the SNICKERS for myself and shared the rest to those who haven't had their breakfast yet.

And then everybody chorused a happy birthday song for me at the quarters. Hence, I felt obliged to buy a gallon of ice cream. Hahahah!! Kidding!!

Double Dutch and Very Rocky Road and COLGATE flavored Ice Cream. Perfect for a minty day!!

Uy sandali, kantahan niyo muna ako!!! Birthday ko kaya!!

Self-timer. Ignore the abubots. 

Some Pedia residents shared the day with me. Thank you Doc M for the little gift. :)

Biente Cinco. Twenty Five. Mid-twenties.

What is expected of you when you reach this age?

I don't know.

We live in a society that one's age is associated with his accomplishments, and I am guilty of belonging to those people who measure their lives by the achievements they acquired at a certain age. I am in fact a year lagging because I estimated to graduate from medicine at 24, hence, I should be on my internship now but somewhere along the road I faltered. And at 25, there are so many things I am learning that I should have learned before. Things I should have done or experienced before but I didn't have the courage to do so. However, it doesn't matter to me at all. The important thing is I have goals I am determined to reach at a certain age. In God's time, InshaAllah.


And oh, look whose birthday is two days ahead of mine? My very boyfriend Choi Seung Hyun!!

Happy Birthday, too, LOVE! :) 

Big Time

Whatever I will be in the future, I want:

1. No make-up look (as opposed to the photo below). A radiant skin and a glowing smile are enough to be called beautiful. That, if you have the confidence. The thing is, I hate being self-conscious whenever I dab some make-up on. I cannot freely rub my eyes because of fear my eyeliner, eyeshadow or mascara might wear off resulting to  raccoon-eyes. That heavy feeling on the face. Ugh. Hence, I stopped putting on since the start of clerkship and I feel lighter. And I noticed, most doctors I met don't wear any makeup AT ALL and boy, how pretty are they. 

2. Simple but expensive wardrobe. Harhar. Yeah, I wanna keep it simple but I'm gonna make sure they're not bought  from just anywhere. I don't like too much bling-blings too. Few accessories are enough. When you're already a Somebody, you don't need too much statement to attract attention. Your presence already does. *winks*

I particularly like this look: simple, elegant and glamorous. I'm beginning to imagine myself in this suit!!

3. I'd repeat it over and over again. I want to travel to see the world, expand my horizon, see for myself what was just printed on books or seen in the movies, learn cultures, taste new foods and meet new people. Other than Asian countries, I want to see the Eiffel Tower for myself. There's plenty of historical sites in the world that deserves more praising but The Eiffel really charmed me---the sturdy foundation, the lofty height and history itself.

4. Books. I never told my mom yet, but I want a bookshelf for a wall. Get the picture? Imagine a bed in the middle of a library. That's how I want my room to be like. :D 

I didn't include a house or a car in my list because seriously, they're not on my priority list. They're things that I need not buy for myself. You know what I mean. :))

How about you, when you become A Real Freakin' Big Time, what do you want?