Aiscape and I

I have this love-unlove relationship with my blog. It's not "love-hate" because I don't really hate my blog. It's like having an old geeky friend whom you've ditched for the cooler newbies in school (twitter, facebook and instagram). If this blog can only speak, I know it holds a lot of hurt feelings toward me. I, on the other hand, keeps a looooot of stories to tell an old friend when we've finally have a time to catch-up. And that time depends on ME. Right after the medical boards exam, I vowed to  write about the untold stories during the review days and write a lot about my Doctors to the Barrios experience. Two years later, I scanned through this blog and horrified I was upon realizing that I actually wrote just two (!) entries about my whoooole DTTB experience (click this and this one, too) . I've been confiding a lot to the cool guys a.k.a twitter, facebook and instagram instead of my old geeky friend who has been waiting in vain for my stories. 

I keep a public blog where nobody reads my entries randomly because I wanted things to be private between me and my readers (who are just my close friends anyway, unless someone finds his/her way here) only, but I noticed that I wanted to share the experience to the crowd! I like people to "like" my posts and agree with whatever I say on the social media!! I felt alarmed though because I read somewhere that people who are very active on social media are those who have tendency toward depression and those with low self-esteem!! And then I came to ask myself, do I really need that validation from people? Am I depressed? Do I have a low self-esteem? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. 

What I noticed about myself though is how short my attention span had become. It started during later years in med school that I cannot focus on something for quite a long time, I need to distract myself with something else and that is how I found my way to the social media. For instance, I have been thinking about writing an entry for the past weeks since I've been here in Bangkok (yes! I'm already here living with my husband!!), but not until now (on my fourth week here) that I finally started a paragraph. And even before writing the first letter and finally coming up with what to write, I have been scanning other people's blog, update myself on twitter, instagram and facebook almost simultaneously! Delaying tactics, you know. But why? Perhaps because first, I don't know when and how to build this friendship with my blog again, and second, I am afraid of grammar nazis. Seriously, I am always afraid of committing a grammar mistake that I think I always end up of having plenty of them! Law of attraction daw. The more you fear about something, the more it is being pulled towards you. Haha! 

Anyways, I already made up my blogsignments in my phone (and in my head) and since I am a full time housewife for the time being, I really hope to catch up with my old friend, Aiscape. :) I won't make promises but I will see to it that I finish an entry at least once a week. Let me start with this. 

Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem.