The Walled City

One scorching sunny afternoon, my brother Jalal and I played tourists in the metro! Our destination: Intramuros, Manila or better known as The Walled City. Back in the Spanish era, (ahem! ako na ang may nalalamang history!), this used to be the capital and the seat of Spanish sovereignty in the Orient for over three hundred years. The walls of Intramuros were built to prevent threats of invasion by Chinese, Japanese, Dutch and Portuguese pirates. (naks, parang The Great Wall of China ang peg!) The walls stretched to 4.5 kilometers in length, enclosing a pentagonal area of approximately 64 hectares. Before you proceed, I shall warn you of the amount of photos in this entry! It's overloaded! I lack time putting them into collage!

First Stop: Silahis souvenir shop packed with Philippine made crafts and artistries, we even found some vanishing Maranao cultural goodies such as the kulintang, kubing, dubakan (musical instruments) and a replica of the Sarimanok. 

That huge drum behind Jalal is a Maranao palace drum that is used when the Sultan wants to convene his people. 

Next stop: The Papier Tole Shop. It's a souvenir shop where items are mostly made of paper. They claim to have started their business since 1668!! 

A batallion of them!! Cute!!

I love the adobe stone walls and pavements in this portion of The Walled City. It's magnificent how the place was restored to it's original structure after it was ruined during The World War II. 

Next: Casa Manila. It is a "colonial lifestyle" museum where the Spanish way of living and their influence in our culture is being highlighted. Too bad taking pictures inside was prohibited so we just took photos in the zaguan (corridor) and patio.

Guess what I wished for? :p

Next: The sentry wall top. We climbed the top of the sentry wall beside the ECJ building where we got a nice view outside Intramuros: The Manila Golf Course. 

The sun seemed to roast my skin I couldn't bear to face it and smile!! I, instead, pose for a side view. 

There you go, rabbit!!! Nyahehehehehehe...

Jalal trying to replicate my pose!! Awkward!! Eeepp!!

 This is now called the ECJ building housing some government offices. This used to be a palace where Miguel Lopez de Legazpi, that conquistador former Governor-General of the Philippines was residing.

In our journey back to the Spanish era, we found a "futuristic" graffiti wall where them punks express themselves by painting stuff on it. It's called freedom, men. Freedom. Emo. Whatever. 

We wandered around until we realized the sun was almost setting and we haven't reached Fort Santiago yet.    Thank God there we sikads around which transported us to our main destination. Haha! 

This is The Walk Way to Martyrdom. They "traced" the footsteps of our National Hero, Dr. Jose Rizal, from his prison cell to Bagumbayan (now, Luneta) where he was executed. 

Guess who was there to give us a FREE historical lecture!!! Ta daa... Carlos Celdran in the flesh!

We sat behind the REAL Tourists..feeling touristy all along. :p

When they left, we continued exploring the place. Look what we found!!!

O, nasa Intramuros pa rin tayo ha? Pasig River lang yang nasa likod ko. Nice, right? You see, Philippines is a beautiful country with rich history and culture. It's always a great idea to go back to our history and find out the transitions that happened culminating into what we we all are now. :)

The question is, have we been any better? 

To cap it all off, I wouldn't leave without a photo with my crush Dr. Jose Rizal. Yes, I'm a fan and I don't care when they say that he doesn't deserve hero-hood because he didn't really fought a war in it's literal sense. Whatever, haters. He's still my hero. \m/

My brother and I wandered for roughly 3 hours but it was a fulfilling day for me! Alhamdulillah. Visiting Intramuros is one of my pre-review plans and, thank God, my brother visited me and willingly accompanied me in another one of my insane fits! :) 

I still have some unfulfilled pre-review plans but I guess, they won't materialize due to my Pedia Ward sched. ;'(

Born 29 weeks age of gestation (AOG).

Preterm infant under blue light phototherapy.

He clasped the tip of my finger as my heart broke over the huge probability of his non-survival. :'(

Photo taken using my iPod without any filter at all. 

Walking The Walk

The long Holy Week holidays compelled everyone to go on a vacation, but for me, it's more of a staycation. Hehe. I was on a postduty status yesterday and aside from sleeping more than half of the day, I spent it surfing the web and started reading Malika Oufkir's account on her life in the hands of the Moroccan Royalty (Stolen Lives). It's disgruntling that the only time we are supposed to be available is the time that almost ALL of the establishments in the metro are closed in observance of the holy week. Oh well. 

On the brighter side, this is, I guess, the only time that the metro calms down. No disgusting traffic and no nauseating crowd. Oh, how priceless serenity is. :) 

So, earlier this morning. I dragged my housemate Ate Sai to Roxas Boulevard for a morning walk. It felt like a ghost town indeed, although there are still few motorists on the road. Less carbon monoxide for our lungs. 

If not for the garbage thrown all over and the people living on the streets, this would have been a beautiful street. :'( 

Yachts at Harbour Square. 

Wearing my medschool jacket. Proud MSUan! :) 

We walked and walked from Pedro Gil to the stretch of Roxas Boulevard until we realized we were already at the CCP! Hahaha!! So many health buffs jogging or bicycling and enjoying the perfect morning sun. I miss jogging around the Iligan City Hall Complex where my housemates and I would come at least thrice a week in our desperate attempts to becoming healthy (and slim). The last time I jogged was before clerkship!!! Ages ago!! Wah!! This hospital duties really rips off our healthy lifestyle. Tee hee. Blamingtheweatherman. 

I wouldn't leave CCP without this ballerina statue photo. Remember this?  Haha. Future daughters, you got one crazy mom waiting for you here. Better start stretching your muscles now. :p 

Thank you soooo much Ate Sai for riding on with one of my few insane fits! :)

****
P.S.
Can't wait to go back home and jog around the MSU Grandstand Oval. :)

Looking Through The Eyes.....

Literally. That's how we roll at Ophtha. Another loved rotation because, again, it made me learn things I didn't know before. I was inept at ophthalmologic exam so this was another challenge for me in gathering skills at looking at the back of the eyes called the retina and identifying the optic disc, the macula, the fovea and determining abnormal structures as a manifestation of a systemic disease.  

Googled photo. 

Ophtha residents' duty schedule has been envied by any other PGH residents. They're relatively the most benign training. Their patients are not benign but they got the most relaxed schedule. They don't run bloods for the surgery of their patients and they don't need much assists. So cool!!!   

Kaya pag tinamad ako, mago-ophtha ako!! Hehehe. 

Cataract extraction and insertion of lens. 

It was included as a bonus question in our end-of-rotation exam the best and worst part of our Ophtha stay. 

Best: 

a. The residents are so chillax. They're not always in a state of hurry, thus, not creating hypertoxicity among interns. They're intern-friendly as well. :)

b. The building. They're the only department with a separate building called the Sentro Oftalmologico Jose Rizal donated by the government of Spain in honor of our very own National Hero, Gat Jose Rizal, who is the First Filipino Ophthalmologist. 

Worst:

That the rotation lasts only for two weeks. :( It's so sad that it ends when we already get the hang of it (and the time I discovered how gorgeous this certain resident is. haha!)

**************

Internship update:

We are so back into the fragile arms of Pedia, the time when the clerks are off for their vacation in preparation for internship. Waaaahhh!!! I'm ready to be killed. 

"If I Should Have A Daughter"

I've been watching this video over and over again since Jing posted it on her blog. 

"If I should have a daughter, instead of "Mom," she's gonna call me "Point B," because that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I'm going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say, "Oh, I know that like the back of my hand." And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming, I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I've tried. "And, baby," I'll tell her, don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick; I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house, so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him." But I know she will anyway, so instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix. But that's what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything, if you let it. I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass-bottom boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind, because that's the way my mom taught me. That there'll be days like this. ♫ There'll be days like this, my momma said. ♫ When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape; when your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment. And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you. Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away. You will put the wind in winsome, lose some. You will put the star in starting over, and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. "Baby," I'll tell her, "remember, your momma is a worrier, and your poppa is a warrior, and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things. And always apologize when you've done something wrong, but don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache, when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother."

Now here are the three things I know to be true:


1. Right now, I'm crawling to the end of internship I want to end it so badly.
2. I want to go travel somewhere before the review for the board exam starts and try to find that missing piece I lost somewhere along the journey of life. 
3. I look at myself in front of the mirror and ask "What happened to you? Where are you now? Why do you not care?".

Fashion Eye Candy

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear therof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, or their brothers’ sons or their sisters’ sons, or their women or the servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers, turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss.” (Quran 24:31).

In accordance to the aforementioned Qur'anic verse, women in Islam should dress modestly--long dresses, hijab and long sleeves. Being modest though doesn't only mean the physical entity but this should also coincide with our behaviors. Others have this misconception that Muslim women are only to wear black abaya in order to fulfill modesty, BUT, my dear friends, that is so wrong. We, Muslimahs, can also be equally fashionable and modest. Yes, we can!! I have been so into Muslim fashion blogs, mostly are from Indonesia and Malaysia, whose garments are easily found in the nearby malls in our country, so I thought of sharing my ideal fashion that I've been dying to wear. All of these photos are from Dian Pelangi's blog, an Indonesian fashion designer, blogger and model.  

It's kinda difficult wearing these stuff in the metro due to the weather but Inshaa Allah, the humidity shall not hinder me from wearing such. In Marawi though, this is not uncommon because we got the coolest weather down in the south. :) 

AHEM. And this, my friends, is my European fashion and travel dream. *replace her face with mine* :p

Problem here in the Philippines is, aside from the weather, it's difficult to find tops that don't show at least 50% of your flesh. I always drool at pretty tops which are either bare back, sleeveless or transparent!! Waaaah!! I always end up buying nothing. :'(

Photo of a pretty top from Forever 21 which I wasn't able to buy because of the lace on the sleeves leaving my arms 90% bare!!

This is my fashion dream which, Inshaa Allah, shall be put into reality. *winks* :) 

HBD T'lowa!

My fraternal triplet sibglings: (L-R) Alexander, Amanee and Zul. Photo taken TWO freaking years ago! Too many changes took place but I can't find a recent photo of them together. 

Happy, happy birthday to this three people who added exponential joy to our family since they were born. They made our Mom famous for delivering them via spontaneous vaginal delivery with normal birth weights, all three of them have APGAR score 9,9. Yeah, beat that!! No noted prenatal and fetomaternal complications. All three of them have unremarkable growth and developmental history with complete immunization c/o private pediatrician. They were breastfed until 6 months of age (don't ever ask me how many boobs our Mom has. she has only one pair. now go ahead and ask her how she managed feeding them!), weaned thereafter with all the nutritious foods that our Mom can come up with. Indeed, she's a wonderwoman at that. 

Trivia: all throughout Mama's pregnancy, we thought there were only two babies in her tummy. That's what her OB-GYN said because that's what she saw in the ultrasound. "You got two boys in your uterus, Missus". That's what she told our parents. So when the nurse went out of the delivery room announcing that the second baby was a GIRL, my Dad couldn't fathom how the doctor mistaken her daughter for a son!! The problem was, he wasn't ready for a girl's name for he prepared two names for both of the boys. Haha!! 

Now, when the nurse went out again informing us of the arrival of the THIRD baby, I swear I was only five but the scene plays vividly in my mind, my Dad and I were jumping back and forth outside the delivery room screaming "We got triplets, we got triplets!!!" (In Maranao though, we don't speak English at home! Haha). I also remember my grandmother scolding my Dad for being overjoyed when we do not know if Mama was still alive. Alhamdulillah, Mama was fine all throughout her birthing period she didn't even look like she'd given birth to THREE PEOPLE every FIVE minutes! How crazy could that be? 

Growing up, I often tease my sister of being "ampon". Nyahahaha! I used to tell her that her real mother was the woman who was also inside the delivery room with Mama who cannot afford to raise her and since our parents are generous, we adopted her. Hahaha! Good thing she didn't took it seriously. 

Happy birthday T'lowa*!!! I wish you all the best in this lifetime. I hope and pray that we just don't grow old but we GROW UP too, that's more important because it entails maturity in dealing with the harshness and glories of life. Cling to what Papa keeps on teaching us, and Inshaa Allah, we will all be guided. I love you three and I miss you much!! 

*T'lowa is Maranao word for triplets. 

The Untold. :)

this whole idea of you and me is but a surreal tragedy.

i shall forever keep you in my secret malady.

never to unfold.

you'd forever be The Untold.

When the time comes, I want to have a kid as smart and as cute as you. Love you Sabreen! :)

Wrapped Up ORL

This is a two-week late entry for we were already done with otorhinolaryngology (ORL) a.k.a ENT for ears, nose and throat. I was a bit of having a cold feet for this rotation since we didn't have it back in clerkship. The last time I studied ORL was during the upper respiratory module in medschool freshman year!!! That was eons ago, my friends! This is a confession, but yes, I just learned about the thorough ENT exam here in PGH!! I compelled myself to master it in anyway that I can---identifying the normal tympanic membrane from the perforated ones and visualizing the vocal cords and the posterior nasopharynx no matter how the patient gags! And I'm more than glad that after two weeks of our rotation, I brought with me a lot of things I didn't know before. Naks!! Hail, ORL! Hail, ORL!

What we do at the OPD. I'm so sorry Suzie for capturing your awkward moment! Hahaha!

This is Fiona, 5/F, who came in due to a foul discharge dripping out of her right nostril. She's so makulit but very cooperative little girl. Children her age are expected to revolt and throw tantrums upon examination, but her? No, she gaily sat on the examination seat and followed every single step of instruction! I wish all kids are like her! Haha! After suctioning her nostril for a better view of the turbinates, we found a greenish rubber material that was inserted deep inside her nose!! Apparently, her classmate put it there and was accidentally pushed deeper when she inhaled that they could no longer pull it back. She didn't report the incident to her mom until that day we found the foreign body inside her nose. Hahaha! Kalokang bata ito!

This is Dr. Caparas. Being the FIRST alumnus of the Philippine General Hospital Otorhinolaryngology Department, he is an institution in this field. He graduated in the 1960s, the time when ophthalmology was still incorporated in ORL. He's also the author of the book I used to read back in medschool. It's kinda awesome hearing straight from the authors. I remember my OB-GYN days when the people who wrote the Clinical Practice Guidelines used all over the country are those consultants teaching us during the Malignancy or Trophoblastic rounds. Great. Great. :) 

For a speck of time, I considered ORL as a specialty field because it's both surgical and medical plus the cases are really interesting. However, upon realization that the field deals with all the most filthy and most despicable odor you will ever smell in your entire life coming from all the cavities of the head, my friends, I changed my mind. Hahahaha!!! I really enjoyed ORL, I must say, one of the best rotations ever!! :) 

3rd International Pyromusical Show

I've been dying to go to the 3rd International Pyromusical Show at the Mall of Asia since it started last February. It ran every Saturday and two countries showcased their world-class fireworks display accompanied by upbeat music. If you remember THIS post then you will understand my consummating desperation. Hehe. However, my duty schedule was so unfavorable for the weekly shows but I asked our block head during our ORL (otorhinolaryngology) rotation to spare me on March 17 which was the finale. I was so delighted for the show I invited people to go with me to witness the event. People = proximal friends. I guess I was jinxed, or perhaps God tested my hankering to see the hour-long fireworks, that, no joke, ALL OF MY FRIENDS WERE ON DUTY ON MARCH 17!!!! I mean, ALL of them!! Was it mere coincidence?! I was so appalled that even my housemates had an important event to attend to!! But thanks to my stick-to-it-iveness, I pushed my way for it even watching it ALONE was my last option. Haha!! Imagine yourself watching beautiful fireworks amidst sea of lovers and group of friends in full awe while you were standing there all alone with tears rolling down your cheeks, not tears for the beautiful sight, but tears of self-pity. Hahahaha!!! Alhamdulillah, I have the best cousin in the world! Ate Hannah texted a day before that she'd be going home from Laguna and was inviting me for a movie date. I thought of the Pyromusical show instead of a movie. What a brilliant idea I had! 

Our VIP tickets. Naks. Italy was the last country to expo what they got under their sleeve. Philippines, being the host country and champion in an international fireworks competition (Yes, I just learned about it that night. Magaling din pala tayo sa fireworks!! #morefuninthephilippines), was tasked for the finale which was fantastic despite the technical glitches!!

While waiting for the show to start, we were treated to a magnificent sunset at the Manila Bay. Mashaa Allah. :)

People were starting to gather up. The huge ferris wheel at MOA was at near sight.

Photo collaged by photovisi.com

And then after some introductory programs, our eyes indulged to the glittery explosions in the sky!!! I loved how the flickers hover us I can feel them on my skin! Haha! They're not the best fireworks but they sure filled my cravings to see magnanimous lights! Mashaa Allah. :) People were ahhh-ing and oohh-ing while dancing to the tunes, and then people behind and beside us were kissing as love songs started to play. Whitney Houston songs were also being played as slow fireworks blasted in the pitch-dark sky. Buti, hindi nagparamdam si W.H. Hehe. 

At about the same time I boasted the photos at Instagram and FB, my BFF Lily, who was at HK Disneyland  with her hubby, simultaneously posted this photo below. 

Photo stolen from BFF Lily's FB account. 

Walang sinabi ang pichur ko!!! Hahahahaha!! Knowing she took that using her iPhone while I used my point-and-shoot Canon, I melted in stark envy!!  I'm sure my best friend had a GREAT time with her hub-babe-by. :)

Oh well. Therefore, I shall save up for that. :) Save up for a hub-babe-by. JOKE!!!

She sits in the stillness of the afternoon, inhaling the humid air outside that leaks into the walls of this seemingly sound-proof building. She hears nothing but the grinding sound coming from the electric fan. She turned the radio on her phone, plugged her earphones and tried listening to the mainstream beat.

No. She wants silence. Turn off that radio, she commands herself.

She wants to clear her mind off these materials that continue to wreak havoc on her peace-loving mind. She needs that silence.

Think. Please.

Get your mind back to the groove, that inquisitive and creative brain you once had. She heard herself in utmost plea.

She closes her eyes and sees nothing but sheer darkness. She looks closer into the vast blackness. She sees shadows, glitters, lights. Everything that tells about what's to come. The pompous future that she imagines it to be. The future she has wildly created in her mind. The future that she holds on tightly. The future she knows will forever stay in her imagination. For she knows it will not happen.

She reluctantly opens her eyes as she gradually plummets back into reality.

That Perfect Day

We were having minor chit-chats with the residents and the clerk while doing excisional biopsy at the OPD-OR this morning. This junior resident told us that by default, he went to ORL (otorhinolaryngology, aka ENT for ears, nose and throat) for residency because his dad and his grandfather were ENTs themselves. In addition to that, he was told that in choosing for residency program, you should put yourself in your perfect day. Not really perfect, but the the kind of day you can live over and over again for the rest of your life. The kind of day that makes you happy that you want to re-live when your hair turned pepper and salt. If you imagine yourself in that situation and you believe you won't get fed up by the routine, then go for it. 

As I was holding the retractors, my mind flew ten years forward. A perfect day for me would comprise of waking up early in the morning, preparing breakfast for my hubby and the kids after Fajr prayer. That would also include preparing hubby for work (whatever he does) and my grade-schoolers to school. I would be left with the household maid doing her chores while I go for a few-minute jog and then I will prepare myself for the morning rounds of my patients. That will take around an hour or two. I will then head to my clinic to see well-babies or follow-up check ups. By noontime, hubby will arrive for our daily lunchdate. Nyahahaha! I'm actually laughing right now. A lunchdate is a must, okay? Alright, clinic will continue in the afternoon where I will probably be reading a good book in-between patients. I will probably have coffee date with my friends after clinic and get back home before sunset. At night, I will be helping my kids with their school stuff while hubby watches the news. Weekends will be spent at my parents' home where weekly reunion with my siblings and their respective families will be a part of our routine. (I will impose that to my siblings. Haha!)

I'm contemplating on the residency program I will have to pursue in order to attain my would-be Perfect Day. My God, all I want is a simple and contented life. A balanced life between family and career. When I achieve that, that would be the real meaning of success. :) 

You, how do you picture out your perfect day?  

Of Faith

I oftentimes find myself hanging for words whenever I attempt to write about my faith--the Islamic faith. I can't seem to discern the words that would create cohesive statements. I never wrote anything about how adherent I am to my religion because I don't wanna sound too-good-to-be-true or you know, be like some people who tweet or facebook stuff like "Just finished praying Maghrib" or "Going to read the Qur'an" or something like that. There's NOTHING wrong with praying or reading the Qur'an, of course, that's how a devout Muslim should do but the wrong thing is actually tweeting it or putting it in your FB status. That sounds more like "Hey, look at me, I'm such a religious person" to me. Because you don't tweet or facebook your faith, you put it  in your heart and you act according to it. You shouldn't say you're a Muslim, you should act like a Muslim. Those are different and people should understand that.

Another reason why it's difficult for me to write about my faith is the fact that I'm in a complete struggle in maintaining the practices of a true Muslim. When I say true Muslim, this is the one who performs the 5 pillars of Islam with pure and sincere intention such as: a.) The recitation of Shahadah, that is witnessing that there is no god but Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) and that Prophet Mohammad (salallahu 'alaihi wasallam) is His messenger, b.) performing five daily prayers, c.) fasting during the holy month of Ramadhan, d.) giving Zakat or charity to the needy, and to those who can afford, e.) performing Hajj at least once in a lifetime. Aside from the five pillars, we are also to believe in the 6 Articles of Faith which are: a.) Belief in the Oneness of Allah, that you do not attribute any other god to Him b.) Belief in the existence of Angels, c.) Belief in the Books of Allah (Torah of Prophet Musa (alaihi salam), Psalms of Prophet Dawud (alaihi salam), Gospel of Prophet Isa (alaihi salam) and Qur'an of Prophet Mohammad (s.a.w)), d.) Belief in the Prophets of Allah, e.)  Belief in the Day of Judgment, and finally, f.) Belief that everything that happens is Willed by Allah. 

Moreover, a true Muslim also adheres to the sunnah of the Prophet Mohammad (s.a.w). The Holy Qur'an tells us to pray but it wasn't stated there how to pray, so there enters the sunnah or the hadith. It comprises of laws and practices of the Holy Prophet for mankind to follow suit. The Holy Qur'an tells the women to lower their gaze and cover their bosoms, now the Hadith tells us to cover our body showing only our faces, hands and feet. That's why we wear hijab and draw them on our chest, we are also not supposed to wear skimpy clothes, we should avoid laughing boisterously in public and most importantly, we are not supposed to go out with men who are not our mahram. 

Therefore I would not blame my blockmates if they say it is difficult to become a Muslim. Lahat na lang bawal, they would say. Yes, it is difficult from the point of view of non-Muslims as they are not accustomed to the practices and they are not aware of the rationale behind the practices. They find it weird and inhumane. For them, wearing the hijab is a sign of oppression as women in Islam cannot reveal their true selves--that rockstar in them. For them, fasting during Ramadhan is a punishment. For them, not being able to party and drink alcoholic beverages is a form of inhibition. But I am not here to preach about my religion, I leave them at that. Nor do I tell them that what they do is wrong because as my colleagues, I hold high respect for their beliefs and their own faith. Walang basagan ng trip, ika nga. 

I feel lucky to have been born in an Islamic household, where both of my parents are devout and pious Muslims who serve as the best example for us, their children. I believe that every Muslim should stand firmly  to being labeled a Muslim, that we should strive to become the best of what we are. However, in a world where our religion is badly stained by people who claim to be Muslims but are doing the exact opposite of what the religion teaches, it is difficult to prove them wrong. Nevertheless, the least we can do is to show them the image of a true Muslim. The real one. Not the one projected by the media. And there enters my own struggle in keeping my faith firm and consistent. I confess, among the abovementioned five pillars of Islam, I am only consistent with the recitation of the Shahadah and fasting during the Holy Month. As for the daily prayers, I am not able to complete the five daily prayers. I pray whenever I am at home, but I dismiss my prayers or even forget about the waqtu whenever I'm outside. But my conscience is eating me up inside. If you remember this, , then I still feel that way. It's not just about the prayer that boggles me as well, it is the whole conduct and behavior of a true Muslim that I cannot meet. Allah knows what is in my heart, how I try to become the best Muslim that pleases Him, because everything that I do is in accordance to worshiping The Almighty. That's how it should be. 

In retrospect, I still thank Him that He gives me this feeling of guilt, this eagerness to renew my faith and to seek and understand more about my religion because if He closes my ears, my sight and my heart then, boy, I'm in big trouble. So please, Ya Allah, strengthen my faith in You and continue leading me to the straight path. Ameen. 

I ask Allah's forgiveness and turn to Him in repentance. 

All you gotta do is lift your chin to recognize the lovely nature shining down at you. :) 

Taken: March 11, 2012. In front of CAMP building on my way home.

#postduty