Photo courtesy of PostSecret.

The Non-Clerks.

It has been a week since we baptized ourselves as "non-clerks" after starting to rotate in the Ancillary Services. Technically, we are still, of course, clerks except that we don't have to suffer the 24-hour++ duty, writing lengthy history, physical exam and progress notes of patients, doing ward works and that helluva pressure of being a clinical clerk 24/7. Ah, we're past that already and hey, look at us, Group 4 have emerged unscathed!! Wohoo!!

The sad thing though is, we go on duty in pairs which means that for the next two months, I wouldn't be able to see (unless scheduled) the rest of my groupmates (I miss you already, buddy Juey and adorable nightmare Tisoy!). So my partner is the Korean Bug (as she's been fondly called by Dr. Marquez), Sheng aka Shengita/Shenggay/Toy/Pet.

In this rotation, we will report into 8 minor departments: Anesthesiology/Dermatology, Pathology/Rehab Med, Health Centers/Psychiatry, and Ophthalmology/Radiology during clinic hours. That implies how much free time we got on our last two months of clerkship! So below are some photos of Sheng and I in the O.R. as Anesth clerks and our killing-time moments at some nearby coffee shops. 

Since I am blessed with so much spare time, I jot down the productive things I plan to do (ahem, good luck to me! )*shunning away procrastination* :

a. Finishing my backlogs, i.e., discharge summaries, IM census, etcetera. 

b. Reading both medical and non-medical books. As you know, reading time is meager while on duty. And I seriously need to catch up on my internal medicine readings since it is the rotation in which I read/learn the least. I almost read none!!

c. Write more. I have abandoned my journal for quite some time.

d. Watch more movies. Yeah, I'm catching up. I've seen Good Will Hunting (a 1997 film that made me understand why a lot of girls drool over Matt Damon and why a lot of guys wanna be just like him!), Black Swan (a psychological horror film that made Natalie Portman Best Actress in the recent Golden Globe Awards), The Social Network (Mark Zuckerberg, I appreciate your genius but I wish you didn't entertain your idea of creating Facebook!),  Tangled (a feel-good movie that will surely blow your blues away!) and Love and Other Drugs (Anne Hathaway!!). :) And counting!!!

e. Go home frequently. Since we don't have weekend duties, I want to spend more time with my family. Nothing beats the feeling of being at home.

f. Laag/Lakwatsa/Travel! Our group is still deciding where to go. Possibly at Dahilayan in Bukidnon. C'mon Shengita, draft our lakwatsa schedule now! Weeee!!

The point of this entry is to make the rest of our classmates who are "still clerks" jealous!! Haha!

So, I Was The One Who Got Away.

What you are about to read was written last August 14, 2010 on my personal journal (which I unintentionally abandoned for the past two months). I was supposed to write under the title "To The One Who Got Away", but while I was constructing my thoughts, it occurred to me that all this time I was the one who actually got away! So here. 

Hi. It's been a long while. While I'm staring at my lappy monitor, the cursor blinking right at me, you suddenly crossed my mind. Probably because the three of us were together this afternoon so I thought of writing this for you. 

Changes. How it abruptly occurs they don't even send a signal. While the factors affecting it is a blur I cannot pinpoint. Several years ago, the idea of us becoming strangers to each other was unbelievable. We were a circle of tremendous allies who seemed unbreakable, we were sisters! We reckoned we had a colossal foundation to start our friendship with! But look at us now, our coexistence seems negligible. We belong to the same world yet we try to build our own worlds apart creating our own covenants.

Was it really you who got away? Perhaps, I was. I blame myself for having the tendency to escape as a form of precaution. I sensed the impeding doom brought about by the monster I and the others had discovered in you. Such a waste of beauty only to be rotten by greed, envy and lies. But who am I to judge you? I am not perfect either. The difference is I know I am not perfect. Do you?

Admittedly, I was the one who changed between us. I sincerely seek for an apology for dropping off everything we had. It may not be the mature thing to do but I can't stand being all hypocrite like you, acting as if nothing has changed. Call me mean and whatever names you can think of, talk on me behind my back, I don't care. So be it. 

As I'm scanning our photos accumulated for our almost four years of friendship, I can't help but feel nostalgic recollecting our childish conversations, our whining about petty stuff and our dreams. Dreams of going to med school together and of becoming doctors someday. Cliche, but it surely seemed like yesterday, chatting in the vacant classrooms, waiting for our professors to arrive while ranting about our daily lives. 

Just so you know, I miss you. However we must accept that we cannot replay our past and get back into each other's lives just like that. There's already that thick line that divides us. As the pages of our lives turns to another, so as our perceptions, feelings and decisions.

We will part soon, very very soon. I hope you cherish our good memories together as I do. I will try to forget everything that happened. I will try persistently.

I have forgiven you, I pray that deep down in your heart you have forgiven me too. :)

Good luck to both of us as we embark on a new journey. 

Answered Prayer

 Finally, matching is done. There's basically none to fuss about. Just another phase to conquer. :) 

Alhamdulillah. 

Code Blue

"Every noted doctor was inexperienced at first". -Dr. Aizawa

This Japanese medical drama had been a craze among my classmates last year. It's a cross between Grey's Anatomy and House MD minus the former's excessive drama on love, sex and life and the latter's seriously crazy only-in-the-books medical diagnoses. Now that the craze had died down, it's my turn to rise! Hahaha! Yeah, the non-conformist side of me is talking. Anyway, I just started it last night at the quarters while I was on duty out of boredom. BOREDOM?! You heard me right, twelve lang ata admissions namin ni Sheng last night! Benign! Back to Code Blue, it's a story about young doctors on their first year as trainees in Emergency Medicine. What I loved about it is that their cases are the common ones you usually encounter in the ER like orthopedic emergencies, cardiorespiratory arrest, shock and etcetera, plus they're Asians! :) I can't wait for next week, during my Ancillary rotation so I can finish the entire 2 seasons! 

A 2010 Summary

Better late than never! :)

2010 has been a wonderful year full of challenges, new experiences, new environment, new people, yet full of stress, doubts and contemplations for me. Let me a share a few photos that has been memorable. 

Pre-clerkship groupmates. 

We were junior medical students then at the beginning of pre-clerkship. Everyone was so eager to explore the hospitals and be called junior clerks or interns. Little we did know what real clerkship would be like. :) 

My best friend Lily who has just graduated from medical school. In few months time, she'd have her license (to kill, joke!) and be called Dr. Mamari. 

2010 has been a year of friendship as I try, at least once in a while, to re-connect with my friends who are away just to keep the ties even closer. This is a year of meeting new and old friends alike. 

Tampoy and Yas. My future lawyer friends.

 A blurry photo of Nimai and I. My future ambassador new-found friend. 

Dr. Abdul Aziz Ontok. One of the few people I looked up to at med school. Met him again during MSU Foundation Day as we pay tribute to their batch, the pool of new physicians. 

 My housemates and bestfriends for the past two years. We eat together, sleep together, laugh together and somehow cry together. We've seen each other's summit and deepest points. *sigh* I love these girls, Gans and Miss Ayin. 

 Of course, the older sister I never had, but I have. Thank you for the words of wisdom and for everything that you are. My precious, Ate Diane. 

The people I spent my 2010 New Year with, and I know it'd never be the same again! Hey, Adnan and Mabi! :) I love this photo. Haha. 

Bit's homecoming with some of our nurses friends. :)

If I'm going to quantify the time I spent with my family this year, it would amount to less than 5% only. Imagine? I've been only one-hour away from home but clerkship took the precious moments I should be spending with my dearest loved ones. Alhamdulillah, I was able to go home during the Eid'l Fitr and for the first time in so many years, we had a family photo together. Yet, we were incomplete because my brother Alexander was in Singapore for his OJT. He's home now though, a total changed man for the better. 

(at the back from left) Moi, Papa, Mama and Amanee (my soul/sole sister)

(front from left to right) Ahmad, Jalal and Zul. 

Alexander enjoying his six-month stay at Grand Hyatt Hotel, Singapore. Having the best time of his life. Cheers to the new you, brother! I'm so proud of you. I love you!

This has been a year of opportunities for me also. Having qualified as a scholar of the First Gentleman Foundation Inc. for the last year in medical school as well as for the internship, we were granted to have an exclusive visit at the Malacanan Palace together with one of our parents. Another highlight is having our essay published in a book by the said foundation. In return to this is serving to the Doctor To The Barrio Program of the Department of Health, which I am so much looking forward to. 

"Dream, Fighter and Believer."

Father and I at the Palace grounds. 

With the stuff we received from the foundation. Shukran Ya Allah! This happened few days before Father's Day and it was a perfect time also for me and my Dad to enjoy each other's company. I love my Dad so much I don't wanna be a grown up so I can be his little girl forever. :) 

In the midst of clerkship, 5 of us flew to Manila for our internship interview at one of the best hospitals in the Philippines. We were not only happy that we qualified but we were happier we were able to have a quick break and just stay away from toxicity. :D There, we met up with our seniors who are now interns at the said hospital. The photo above is with Miss Ayin, yes, my former housemate who's now an intern.

Now let's go to the highlight of this year. If 2010 can be described in just one word, for me it would be CLERKSHIP. No other. Starting April of this year, we go to the hospital every single day, spending at least 24 hours attending to patients, writing paperworks, making reports and studying cases. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Except during our Community Med rotation. Hence, there's no way you won't get close to your groupmates who are with you during your clerkship ups and downs moments. 

With the Group A, divided into A and B.

GROUP 4 A. My beloved friends. I won't say anything about them here because they deserve a whole new entry. :) 

This is also a Year of the Food as my gastronomic appetite won me over. Hence, my significant weight gain. Aaah, I love delish foods! 

With good company around, who doesn't?

Fontina's chicken pesto.

Fontina's Burritos

Dinner at Doc Vega's. 

Zoey's Strawberry Smoothie.

Mandarin's Tropical Fruit Salad.

Coffee Works. 

Kung clerkship ang pag-uusapan, I got tons of photos I'm having difficulty sorting them out because everything for me was memorable. Indeed, 2010 was a blast! I hope 2011 is explosion of new events, travels (and lotsa travels!!!), new people, and as I wish for everybody, may I also find what I've been searching for. Or, prolly the other way around. Sa maka-gets lang. Ay nah, Group A people, DO NOT REACT.

May we all have another blessed 2011!!

The Proposal

I kept mum about some things that quite affected me lately as manifested by the long slumber of this blog. I only got to share the emotional turmoil I mentioned in a previous entry to a very few people since it is something not worth sharing about. I've been thinking about posting this entry a million times already but it feels like I can't move on if I don't post this. Seriously, it's time wasting. So get ready for an episode of nausea. 

I do not understand why some Meranao parents get in a state of rush about getting their daughters "settled" right after earning a degree for themselves. Among the unfortunate ones, they're forced to tie the knot when they're few meters away from their educational success. For some, they're wedded right after passing their board exams. It's like a curse that when you finish schooling or when you have achieved something for yourself then you're already "open for bidding". You've suddenly ascended to that level where relatives talks about you and before you know it you've been matched to the "most eligible son" of this and that aunt/uncle or however you may call them. Probably because back in the day, only few women among the Meranaos were lucky enough to have an education hence it has become a tradition among us, Meranaos, that females MUST get married after earning a degree to prevent deviating from the norms.

There's also that fear of "spinstership" among parents. Any person who acquired an adequate knowledge learns to think sharply of the situation, weigh things and know his/her value as a person. Hence, the emergence of what they call "choosy" or "picky" women. This picky-ness has been the culprit of many "successful women" who chose to stay single for the rest of their lives. (And my mother has many examples to cite. Damn.) Now to prevent their daughters from the misery of spinstership, they arrange a marriage for them to the most "likeable" guy they could imagine for their (ironically, would-be miserable) daughter. Others follow the tradition in the name of "love and respect for parents", while for some, they try to defy and follow what is dictated by their hearts. 

Marriage is not something that one grabs when opportunity presents it only because you fear ending up as a single lady. Remember, it is a lifelong commitment. It is not like a mere boy-girl relationship that you can easily break when you fell out of love. Marriage is something that you can have your entire soul ready, something that down to your very last cell agrees. It must have a foundation of friendship and love, and it must bring acceptance, joy and happiness and not otherwise. I guess you know it when the right time comes, apparently, they just knew it. 

My mom insisted it is the right time as I turned 25. Marriage is not about age. Never. Being in the medical field, of course I ponder about the declining of the fecundity rate as a woman turns 30 and beyond, but hey, come on, I am only in my sizzling twenty fifth year! There's more fruitful five years yet to come before I start worrying about my reproductive health (and of my lovelife thereof). Marriage is something that is gazillion light years away from my mind. When I get to that point of wanting a lifetime partner for myself, I want to do it for the right reason at the right time with the right person. InshaAllah. :)

Come on people, there's more to life than getting married!!

Case closed, InshaAllah. :)

Cheers for the new year 2011!! Let's start chasing the marrow of this so-called LIFE! Heeeyaahh!! 

The Speech That Raised A Couple of Eyebrows

RESPECT FOR RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES: A KEY TO PEACE AND PROGRESS

Address by Dr. Asnawil G. Ronsing, Professor of Shari’ah, Mindanao State University, Marawi City.

Delivered at Baccalaureate Services, 46^th Commencement Exercises

Mindanao State University

Marawi City

December 8, 2010

            Audhobillahi minassaitanir rajeem. Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem. Alhamdulillahir Rabbil A’alamin, wassalatu wassalamu ala sayidina Muhammad, wa’ala alihi, wa ashabihi ajmain.

            Thank you Dr. Cosain Derico for the kind introduction; my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to the members of the committee on Baccalaureate Program: Ms. Hamsiya Alilaya, Alim Salic Manggis, Mr. Saripada Pacol, chaired by Dr. Cosain Derico, for your recommendation to invite me as speaker of this sacred Baccalaureate Service. My heartfelt thanks and gratitude also go to the Vice Chancellor for Academic Affairs, Dr. Zenaida Ababa for her endorsement, and to the MSU President, Dr. Macapado Abaton Muslim for his approval in giving me the honor to be the baccalaureate speaker of this sacred and grandeur service.

            Honorable members of the Board of Trustees of the Mindanao State University System; Honorable Dr. Macapado Muslim, President of the  Mindanao State University System; Vice Presidents, Vice Chancellors, Deans, Directors, other officials of the university,  beloved and honored baccalaureates, parents, friends of the university, ladies and gentlemen, assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh, and good morning.

            The theme of this 46^th Commencement Exercise is entitled: “MSU Graduates: Global Agent in Sustaining Academic Excellence, Peace and Development”. Consistent with this theme, I prepared a speech entitled: “Respect for Religious Differences: A Key to Peace and Progress”. As a speaker of the young and promising baccalaureates, the hope of our fatherland, I remembered my two friends when we were young like you, 34 years ago, who excellently demonstrated the title of my speech. Allow me to tell the story: these two friends were Christians namely Bertoldo Deloso from Surigao City and Ramonito Sanchez from Ozamis City. When we first met as roommates at room 51 north wing, Indarapatra Hall, they were freshmen and I was a junior. When I was about to graduate, they were sophomores. In the eve of my graduation day in 1978 inside our room, I saw them smiled at each other and then looking at me with smiles that lead to laughing. I asked why. They told me that for the past two years since we become roommates, they never taste pork out of respect to me who do not eat pork. Their names are still fresh in my memory as if it was yesterday despite of the 34 years lapse due to the excellent character exemplifying the respect for religious differences.

            Baccalaureates, remember that baccalaureate service is a religious sermon preceding the commencement exercise to remind you of your relationship with God, the Almighty. The Almighty God is the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. The Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful to all His creations including mankind. Out of His Mercy and Kindness, He guided mankind from the first man on earth until the last man on earth. He guided mankind to the righteous path in order for mankind to please God for mankind success in this world and in the life hereafter.

            Almighty God endowed man intellect and common sense in order for man to understand the existence and the sovereignty of God. The Holy Qur’an states to the effect: “The creation of the heavens and the earth are signs of (God) for those who understand”. The role of the perfect natural law that governs the nature is also a sign for the existence and power of God for those who reflect. Thus, the Deists believe in the existence of God, the power and sovereignty of God over the nature, without belief in the divine books and the prophets of God. They also exemplified an excellent morality as they also have two eyes, two ears, intelligence and common sense that guide them to distinguish between the two ways: the right and the wrong.

            Almighty God revealed His series of divine books and scriptures to mankind through His series of Prophets, peace be upon them all, as guidance and light (hudan wa nooron) in order to guide and enlighten mankind to the righteous way. Among the revealed divine books are: The Taurah or Torah also known as the Old Testament was revealed to Prophet Moses or Musa alaihi salam; The Injil also known as the Gospel or New Testament was revealed to Prophet Isa the son of Mary or Jesus Christ, alaihi salam; The Zabour also known as Psalms revealed to Prophet Daud or David alaihi salaam; and the Holy Qur’an was revealed to Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasalaam. Among the Prophets of God were Adam, Noah, Ibrahim, Ismael, Ishac, Ya’cob, Yusoph, Daud and Solaiman, Moses and Haroun, Isa the son of Mary or Jesus Christ and Muhammad, peace be upon them all. The divine books mentioned or divine guidance were exemplified, characterized and explained by the series of Prophets to mankind. They were consistent with each other; the latter revelation confirmed the previous revelations. All the books of God and all the Prophets called mankind to believe in the existence of God and His sovereignty over the creations.

            Almighty God has stated in the holy Qur’an: (Audhobillahi minassaitani rajeem)

            “Ya ayyohannas! Inna khalaqnakom min dhakari wa unta, wa ja alakom so oba wa kabail litaarafu, inna akramakom indhaollahi atkaakom.”

Meaning: “Oh mankind! Verily, I have created you from a single pair of male and female (Adam and Eve) and made you into nations and tribes so that you may understand each other, and the most honored of you in the sight of God are those who feared God.”

In another ayah, Almighty God said: “Wa min ayyatihi halaqa sama wati wal ardh, waktilafu al sinatukom, wa al wanikom, innafi jalika la ahyyati likaomi yatafakarron.”

Meaning:  “And among His signs are the creation of the heavens and the earth, the differences of your tongues (languages) and the differences of your colors (races) are signs for those who understand.”

It is part of God’s natural creation that He created us from a pair of male and female and made us into nations and tribes, with different languages, different races for the purpose of having understanding of one from another. Understanding connotes harmony, peace, cooperation, loving, caring, progress and development. The opposite of understanding is misunderstanding, disharmony, hatred, conflict, war and destruction. God created us not to hate each other but to love one another, not to envy each other but to appreciate each other, not to intrigue each other but to help and cooperate with each other.

It is also a part of Almighty God’s law that He guided mankind according to the revealed divine book or books revealed to a particular nation or nations. For example, the Jews are divinely guided by the divine books, among which are the Torah and Zabour, or the Old Testament and the Psalms revealed and explained by Prophets Moses and David, peace be upon them all. The Christians are divinely guided by the divine books and scriptures among which are the Old and the New Testaments and the Psalms revealed to Moses, Jesus and David; peace be upon them all. The Muslims are divinely guided by the Holy Qur’an revealed to Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasalaam.

The Holy Qur’an stated to the effect: “To each among you have we prescribed a law and an Open Way. If God had so willed, He would have made you a single people, but (His plan is) to test you in what He hath given you; so strive as in race in all virtues. The goal of you all is to God. It is He that will show you the truth of the matters in which you dispute.”

In another Qur’anic ayah: “Innal lazeena ‘aamanoo wallazeena haadoo was-Saabi’oona, wan-Nasaaraa man ‘aamana billaahi wal yawmil ‘Aakhiri wa ‘amil a saalihan falaa khawfun ‘alayhim wa laa hum yahzanoon” (Holy Qur’an, Surah 5: Verse 69)

Meaning: “Those who believe (in the Qur’an); Those who follow the Jewish (Scripture), and the Sabians and the Christians, any who believe in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.”

The foregoing ayah placed the Muslims, the Jewish, the Sabians and the Christians on equal footing in the sight of God, the Almighty. Any of them who believed in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

The principle of equality of man, religious freedom, separation of church and state adhered to by all civil law and common law countries is also consistent with the Islamic principle of religious tolerance: “Lakom diinokom walyadeen”. Meaning: “To you is your religion and to me is my religion”.

All the different world religious denominations, though of different modes of worship, the goal is the same – to worship God. The Christians go to the church to worship God, the Muslims go to the masjeed to worship God, the Jews go to the synagogue to worship God, the Buddhists and the Hindus go to the temple to worship God.

The common teachings of all monotheistic religions, among others are: calling people to worship God, calling people to understand, adjust, and harmonize, to love, care and cooperate towards common peace and progress.

Baccalaureates, a couple of hours from now, you will receive your degree through commencement exercise. You are endowed with sufficient knowledge and reasoning, backed-up by divine guidance: Divine Books and Holy Prophets. Thus, to sustain the global academic excellence, peace and development is in your hands.

To the Christians, be a very good Christian in accordance with The Holy Bible; to the Muslims, be a very good Muslim in accordance with the Holy Qur’an. All of you are among the most honored in the sight of God because you believe in God, you believe in the Life Hereafter, and you do righteous acts. You are the wonderful agents of peace and progress in Mindanao, in the Philippines and all over the world.

Again, congratulations! Wishing you the blessings of Almighty God, the Most Beneficent the Most Merciful.

Wassalamu’alaikom warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.   

A Girl

Because I'm in a huge emotional turmoil, I dug poems I used to read. This one I'd like to share.

A Girl

Ezra Pound

The tree has entered my hands, 

The sap has ascended my arms, 

The tree has grown in my breast- 

Downward, 

The branches grow out of me, like arms. 

Tree you are, 

Moss you are, 

You are violets with wind above them. 

A child - so high - you are, 

And all this is folly to the world.

I'm into something I'm not willing to share to the world yet. Something I've been dreading to happen. Something I'd rather DIE than get into it. Yes, I mean it. Better shoot me right between my eyes than force me into it. And I say that with fuming rage! I'm a little girl. I AM A LITTLE GIRL. Unknown to the world. There's a huge and brighter future awaiting me. InshaAllah. And if I am rushed and forced into this, it means terminating the life that hasn't started for me yet. I only hope the person concerned gets to read this and comprehend what I mean. Please? Please? And I pray to Allah to give me what is best for me. He, the Best Planner and Provider, the Master of the Universe and the Hereafter. 

Motion

Everyday is made up of a new day, a new scenario that necessitates quick thinking and actions.

Everyday moves in an animated kind of way. Fast and speedy.

And before you know it, the day ended preparing for another completely new one.

However, at the same setting. 

And then you take a momentary pause.

Halt.

All the products of the energetic day gradually crawls into your being, starting from your toes up to your knees and trunk and head. Like a disease moving in a caudalocephalic pattern.

Body malaise.

Brain exhaustion.

And you see the world move around you, people passing by you, as if everybody's in chase of something you're not involved with. They're in chase of the marrow of life yet you are stuck in a constant motion. You want to catch up but something's tugging and holding you back. You see people at the peak of conquering adventures, love and life. Yet here you are, looking up at them, patiently waiting for this constant motion to unleash you.

You know you need that release. In an uninhibited manner. Unbounded. Free. 

Sleep. You realize it's the solution.

But sleep doesn't seem to come.

Because tomorrow means avoidance of sleep. 

And you reckon, you cannot take that momentary halt. 

Or, you damage your brain secondary to excessive thinking.

And just admit the inevitable fact that you just have to wait.

Patience. 

Patience.

Patience.

Soon, it will all gush in. 

******

I MISS MY OLD LIFE. 

I MISS MYSELF.

I think I have turned into a whole new persona I cannot even recognize myself. 

Um, I think I said that before. Probably it just didn't sink in. 

The Stars Are Out Tonight

I have a fascination for the celestial bodies particularly the stars. When I look up in the night sky and see the glittering dots against the velvety black background, its stillness brings a feeling of serenity and calmness. It makes me realize how small I am compared to the wide universe. It makes me wonder what it is beyond all the celestial beings that my eyes are capable of reaching. What is it like being out there in the universe? What do those ball of fires contain? Are they really fire? Is it possible that there are human beings exactly like us existing on the opposite side of where our galaxy now is situated? Ah, the vastness of the universe allows me to think vastly too. Hence, the love for star gazing. I used to spread a mat or bed sheet on our roof top and just stare at the sky, pointing to the brightest star and declaring it as my star. I own it, I tell my siblings. I make wishes too and as I grew up, just like any ordinary teenager who get absorbed by reading books and watching romance flicks, I wished to be kissed under a night sky full of stars (erm, aside from my wish of being kissed under the Eiffel tower). I know its becoming a reality is next to impossibility, but who knows, right? Just like this good friend of mine who I star-gazed with last year. We were physically separate but we watched a meteor shower together that happened on November 18 of last year. Few days later, he gave me this:

I intentionally covered my name for confidential purposes of this blog (yeah right, LOL!) and left only the initial of his name for his own privacy. Although its authenticity is questionable, only for the purpose of fun, this  really touched my soul. It was somehow a wish come true. Someone named a star for me, oh boy, I was beaming! All I said was a demure "thank you", little did he know how much it meant to me. This entry is for him to know, if ever he accidentally find his way in this little niche of mine, how much I appreciated his little gesture. I wish him all the best in this lifetime. For the love of stars, Amen. :)

Round Up

The Telephone

When it rings, it brings silence to the entire quarters. Everyone's crossing their fingers as if they're wishing not to be the next on a firing squad. When they're not being called, you can see a clerk's eyes shine. When they're wanted, you can see a poker face marching out of the room. 

*******

I was disheartened by a patient's watcher's comment regarding a fellow Meranao doctor practicing in Marawi City. Apparently, this patient transferred to our facility here in Iligan City because they felt the doctor was incompetent. But the statement "kagiya a Meranao" (because Meranao) referring to that doctor infuriated me. Why? Is it because that doctor is a Meranao makes him incompetent? I hate people making comment and dragging the race, as if that watcher isn't a Meranao herself. That's the problem with people with crab mentality. I don't believe that that doctor they're referring to is incompetent, because no specialist isn't confident with his management. Each doctor who underwent training in a specific field and has earned his diplomate or fellowship has an excellent rationale in every step that he does. They, the patient and her watchers just didn't listen to his management because they didn't believe in him all because he's a Meranao...just like them. Urgh. The power of crab mentality. I cannot blame brilliant Meranaos who don't practice in their homeland. 

*******

I bumped into a friend along the hospital hallway whose father is undergoing twice a week hemodialysis due to renal failure. He was smiling while I was inquiring about his father's disease. He told me his father's okay now although he doesn't actually look okay. He's using a staff to aid his walking, a surgical mask for reverse isolation and his color is that of a person with renal disease. I forgot the medical term for that, something that looks like a mix of bronze and dark bluish, something like magenta. Anyway, the pain behind his sincere smile pierced through me. I so wanna hug him tight if not only for a plenty of audience scattered all over. I cannot imagine the pain when you know that a loved one is undergoing a painful terminal disease and that anytime, he can be taken away. I admire family members who stay beside a loved one who is sick, that's so stressfull---emotionally and financially draining. But that's the beauty of family and that's the true meaning of "staying through thick and thin".  I pray for his father's early recovery (I believe in miracles) and I pray for good health for everyone especially for my family. 

*******

The Staple Food

Thank you Jollibee for providing us our un-healthy meals especially during Saturdays when the hospital canteen is closed. I've gained a significant amount of weight all throughout my Pedia rotation. I can't seem to fit in my uniforms. I hate feeling this way but I loooovvee eating. So much.

*******

And lastly, I've been fantasizing about this man the entire week. Okay, I lied. For more than a year now. :D

Biente Cinco

How can one person forget about his OWN birthday?

So it just happened to me. I totally went oblivious of the day when I should stop counting my age. Thanks to good friends who cannot forget my day, their SMS reminded me the moment the clock hand strike 12 mn. My mind was far from anticipating my birthday  due to the obvious busy-ness of my so-called life that time seemed to slip by unnoticed. I didn't even plan a birthday dinner/lunch like I used to. No fireworks, no bouquets, no harana, no birthday cake, nothing. I was at the hospital on the midnight of November 6, waiting to catch an infant  from her mother. I was particularly at the NICU partying with these cute little angels. :)

I totally didn't expect anybody to remember my day. I myself forgot about it, much more other people. However, there are certain people who unexpectedly remembered my day and it doesn't matter if FB did some little contribution. Special mention goes to Dr. FNC, the first person to send me a birthday greeting through SMS. He was the one who made me aware of my birthday. I was sitting at the NICU when I received his text and in an instant, I felt Cinderella-like when I turned my head on the wall clock the moment it strike 12 midnight. Haha!! Tsk, no prince charming for me though. Next, is my buddy co-mean clerk (you wouldn't want to imagine how mean we can get when the four of us, TP, SB and JEL are together!!), who exerted maximal effort in preparing a tray of sweets for me that greeted my morning. So sweet of her. :)

I saved the SNICKERS for myself and shared the rest to those who haven't had their breakfast yet.

And then everybody chorused a happy birthday song for me at the quarters. Hence, I felt obliged to buy a gallon of ice cream. Hahahah!! Kidding!!

Double Dutch and Very Rocky Road and COLGATE flavored Ice Cream. Perfect for a minty day!!

Uy sandali, kantahan niyo muna ako!!! Birthday ko kaya!!

Self-timer. Ignore the abubots. 

Some Pedia residents shared the day with me. Thank you Doc M for the little gift. :)

Biente Cinco. Twenty Five. Mid-twenties.

What is expected of you when you reach this age?

I don't know.

We live in a society that one's age is associated with his accomplishments, and I am guilty of belonging to those people who measure their lives by the achievements they acquired at a certain age. I am in fact a year lagging because I estimated to graduate from medicine at 24, hence, I should be on my internship now but somewhere along the road I faltered. And at 25, there are so many things I am learning that I should have learned before. Things I should have done or experienced before but I didn't have the courage to do so. However, it doesn't matter to me at all. The important thing is I have goals I am determined to reach at a certain age. In God's time, InshaAllah.


And oh, look whose birthday is two days ahead of mine? My very boyfriend Choi Seung Hyun!!

Happy Birthday, too, LOVE! :) 

Big Time

Whatever I will be in the future, I want:

1. No make-up look (as opposed to the photo below). A radiant skin and a glowing smile are enough to be called beautiful. That, if you have the confidence. The thing is, I hate being self-conscious whenever I dab some make-up on. I cannot freely rub my eyes because of fear my eyeliner, eyeshadow or mascara might wear off resulting to  raccoon-eyes. That heavy feeling on the face. Ugh. Hence, I stopped putting on since the start of clerkship and I feel lighter. And I noticed, most doctors I met don't wear any makeup AT ALL and boy, how pretty are they. 

2. Simple but expensive wardrobe. Harhar. Yeah, I wanna keep it simple but I'm gonna make sure they're not bought  from just anywhere. I don't like too much bling-blings too. Few accessories are enough. When you're already a Somebody, you don't need too much statement to attract attention. Your presence already does. *winks*

I particularly like this look: simple, elegant and glamorous. I'm beginning to imagine myself in this suit!!

3. I'd repeat it over and over again. I want to travel to see the world, expand my horizon, see for myself what was just printed on books or seen in the movies, learn cultures, taste new foods and meet new people. Other than Asian countries, I want to see the Eiffel Tower for myself. There's plenty of historical sites in the world that deserves more praising but The Eiffel really charmed me---the sturdy foundation, the lofty height and history itself.

4. Books. I never told my mom yet, but I want a bookshelf for a wall. Get the picture? Imagine a bed in the middle of a library. That's how I want my room to be like. :D 

I didn't include a house or a car in my list because seriously, they're not on my priority list. They're things that I need not buy for myself. You know what I mean. :))

How about you, when you become A Real Freakin' Big Time, what do you want?

The Becoming

"Why do you want to become a doctor?"

This is an essential and vital question being asked upon entering med school. I remember sticking to my truthful answer: because it's my lifelong dream. I may haven't known the rough road towards reaching it, all I know at that present moment was how much I wanted to become one. I didn't said anything heroic like helping the community or to become rich to help my family (because certainly, one doesn't get rich in the medical profession), or making the world a better place. Frankly, those were never my intentions. Being not a member of The Social Liability Club is already a contribution in making this world a better place, at least for me. Sure I do know that taking med school seriously means reading and re-reading mountain loads of medical books and locking yourself away from the wordly things, but I never had an inkling as to how the clinics go. Sure we were told that being on call means stopping whatever you're doing, including sex, and attend to patients. Easier said than done, eh? Now I have a hard time staying awake and pushing myself to the ER when an admission comes. It occurred to me how naive I was about a real doctor's life---how much time he sacrifices for his profession. The responsibilities a doctor is shouldering---to the humanity, to his colleagues and to medicine itself. During my me-times, I cannot help but wonder. Had I known the difficulty of going into the clinics, the hurly-burly world that is embedded in the medical profession, would I plunge into this? I probably would have considered another profession. But what?

I don't wonder why many doctors opted to become single for life. If one doesn't perfect the art of time management, then he shall choose between his profession and his personal life (read: getting married and having children). And most toughies I know opted the former. Honing a doctor's skills requires a long time, you don't stop when you earn your license. Being just a mere general practitioner puts you in the lowermost rank in the medical world. The only difference you have with a clerk or an intern is a piece of paper called license. You still have to undergo years and years of training to acquire that great status of being on the top hierarchy--- consultant. And when you become one, you realize how much personal time you've missed. 

I cannot think of anything that suits me best. I loved what I'm doing from the very beginning. But probably when all the energy and physical strength are exhausted and being put under too much pressure, it gets the best of us and we wanted to evaporate from the current boiling situation. At the end of the day, being a doctor is my cup of tea. This is my first love and we don't get easily unattached from our first love, right? If I haven't had the concrete answer on that very first question asked when I entered med school, probably  I can picture out everything in place now that I am towards the finish line. I want to make a difference. And plunging  into the medical profession, no matter how hard it seems, is my own way of achieving that difference I wanted. :) 

P.S.

I'm seriously in-love with Pediatrics I feel bad that we only have two weeks left in the department. :(