Little One On Its Way!!

Never been posted photos on social media. L-R: the pregnancy test result (forgive my fezz!!!), at 12 weeks AOG, and at 19 weeks AOG 

Alhamdulillah. All praise belongs to Allah, The One and Only Creator, The Giver and Provider of Life. After more than a year in marriage, mostly spent away from each other, and after a year of fervently praying for a little one, Allah has finally blessed us to have a child. The husband and I had been through several heartbreaks after failed attempts for me to get pregnant. Every time he leaves for Nigeria, we always prayed and hoped that fertilization occurs, only for my monthly period to arrive on the day of his flight. It occurred to us twice, and it doubles the pain of our physical separation. But we remained patient, believing that Allah will grant us what we are praying for in His perfect time. Indeed, God never fails to fulfill His promise. 

God did not make it any more difficult for us after I arrived here in Bangkok to finally join my husband for good, He did not let us wait any longer. Imagine our joy when only after a month, I got a positive pregnancy test! I did the test after five days of missed period, half hopeful and half anticipating for another failure. But I guess, you just know in your heart what God is going to bless you with. I can't contain my happiness and gratitude for this blessing! I didn't tell my husband immediately, I waited for him to come home from the office. I did some drama in there though by not telling him directly but by sending him the pregnancy test photo through viber while I went to the kitchen to fetch him a cup of coffee (haha! silly!). He didn't get what it meant for a few seconds, and when he finally figured it out, he immediately pulled me closer to him embracing me and slathering me with kisses while he was getting tear-eyed and expressing gratitude to the Creator. That look on his face was priceless! MashaaAllah.. When this little one grows up, I will always remind him/her of how much we prayed to have him/her and I will describe to him/her the look on his/her father's face the very moment we knew that he/she is coming to our life. :) 

I am already on my 20th week age of gestation (AOG) as of writing time, halfway through the journey. We are so full of excitement for the arrival of our little one that he is already included in our daily life, my husband and I are acting and talking as if he/she is already out in the world. Heehee. I am feeling so much more of God's mercy now that I am pregnant, He doesn't want me to go through difficult pregnancy stresses so He made me a housewife for the mean time. Haha! I am so full of gratitude to my husband who takes care of me so much and is so full of precaution to the extent that he doesn't want me to go out alone by myself especially during my first trimester. My husband is so full of consideration and generosity that I feel so pampered, loved and well-taken cared of. Hihi. I feel so kilig right now by just thinking about it. MashaaAllah. 

We have no clue to as to the baby's gender right now, next prenatal check-up perhaps, but we are already considering several names whether it is a boy or a girl. One thing for certain, the husband and I decided that our children will call us Ama and Ina, just like how the ancient Meranao people call their parents. Haha! Therefore, my Mama and Papa will be called by my children just the same. 

I would like to share a du'a (prayer) I read in the Holy Qur'an, it is a prayer of the Prophet Zakariya when he was asking for an offspring:

"(Transliterated Arabic) Rabbi habli milladunka dhuriyyatan 'tayyibatan innaka samii'u du'aa.

(Translation) O my Lord! Grant unto me from Thee a progeny that is pure; for You are He that hears our prayers."

I never detached the above Qur'anic verse in my daily prayer the moment I decided that it's time for us to have children. The story of the Prophet Zakariya in his quest to have an offspring at an elderly age with a barren wife was an instrument for me to never lose hope in the mercy of Allah. I pray that my child will grow up rightly guided in the straight path, that he grow up to have a heart for righteousness, generosity and a heart filled with love for humanity. I also pray for my family and friends who also wish to be granted an offspring, that they may be granted soon. Again, never lose hope in the mercy of Allah. :) 

A Day in a Housewife's Life

          The word housewife  is strongly attached to household chores such as cooking, tidying up the house, babysitting, doing the laundry and most often than not, in our culture, a woman whose education is not enough to attain a good career outside her home. Our society is plagued with social stigma so when I chose to become a housewife myself, I am not an exception to avoid the social sneer. Most of the people around me thought that I am putting my profession to a waste, having a physician license and a masters in public management majoring in health systems and development is such a huge deal to just throw on the back seat and fly to a country where I don't understand the language and chose to become a plain and boring housewife. It wasn't that I didn't thought about it thoroughly and it wasn't like I didn't wish to find a job here in Bangkok but I know in my heart that before anything else, I want to prioritize my marriage. As husband and wife, we want to make up for all the lost time together.

          When I arrived here, almost five months ago (oh, how time flies!), I made an inquiry as to how I could possibly use my license here to practice as a physician. I found out that being a licensed physician in the Philippines is not enough, that I need to become well-versed with the Thai language. More than that, the Thai people are very patriotic, a foreigner physician seems to have no place in this country. I once met a missionary American physician during an embassy event, and he related that there are only less than ten non-Thai physicians in the whole of Thailand and they're here under a religious missionary group and it wasn't easy for them to penetrate the community. My husband has only a year and a half before his posting ends so I felt that going through all the process would take so much time that before I can finally practice, we are already bound home. That's when I decided to take this year off, take care of my husband's needs and perhaps have a baby. That doesn't mean I am not being unproductive. Haha! Would you agree? As a good friend even told me, I can have all the time in my life to catch up with the books I want to read, and watch all the movies and TV series I've been putting off. That just sounded so great!!

          For almost five months now, my daily life consists of exactly just how I pictured a perfect day in one of the blog posts I wrote several years ago back when I was a medical intern. There are no kids to send to school yet, but it's pretty much exactly just the same. I start the day preparing breakfast for the husband and when he leaves for office, I already have a plan in my head what to cook for lunch. I have quite grasped the husband's taste now so I make sure that I have different set of menu everyday so as not to bore his tastebuds. After he leaves, I then start to tidy up the house starting from our room then out to the living room and lastly, the kitchen. I am not meticulously OC so my cleaning skills is just so-so, just enough that everything is quite in order and dusts don't gather up. Haha! Before I begin preparing for lunch, I still have time to watch my favorite Filipino TV shows online. My cooking? So far, so good. I do mess up sometimes but hey, the husband has no right to complain! Haha! The most priceless prize I get is when he finishes all the food with sweats rolling down his forehead. I just love seeing him like that! I gloat! 

          Afternoons are my me-time. I usually go out to DASA, the nearby second-hand bookshop where I buy most of my books now (Rica Peralejo visited the place and wrote about it on her blog, I feel so kilig that she loved a place that I also love! haha! Fan mode lang. You can read her blog post here). Or sometimes I go to Emporium, the nearest mall which is five-minute walk away. I would just usually find a perfect spot there to read a book. Our nights consists of watching Philippine news and making do with whatever available for dinner. The husband and I made an agreement to "eat light" during supper, sometimes we just have bread or pasta. Two weeks ago, he bought me a blender with food processors so we have fruit shakes every day and experimenting on food that I can grind on the processor. Magamit lang. Hahaha! 

          I am loving the very relaxed state I am in right now. Honestly, it feels like this is the calm before the storm. Yeah, an impeding storm will begin when we return to Manila next year and I start my residency training, in shaa Allah, with a baby we will be taking care of. Yeah, a baby is on its way!! Wohoo! As a prelude to my next post, I am on my 19th week of pregnancy as of writing time. Alhamdulillah. You see? I am not being unproductive here! My body's going through tough times nowadays making this baby inside. Haha! God really has a magnificent way of rewarding our patience. He is making up for the lost time my husband and I were apart, so now He's punishing us for having only each other to talk to day in and day out (except for the occasional Facetime with our families back home and online chats with friends). Right now, I am cherishing every second of my housewife duties and enjoying every moment I spend with my husband. *insert a huge smiley here* 

Words for 2014

Hello 2015!!!

This entry should have been written before 2014 ends but I procrastinated (yet again!!!!) on it that it has been sitting on my drafts for two weeks now. Haha! This is about reflecting on the year that went by. An entry on Rica's blog inspired me to do the same exercise. I contemplated on what transpired during the 365 days of the year 2014 and brought me to these two words: PATIENCE and GRATITUDE, which have been my daily mantra for almost everyday. 

PATIENCE 

People who are close to me knows how impatient I can get. Perhaps, it is something about physicians that we want things done ASAP at the exact right time, or else our patient's life is at stake. We cannot tolerate tardiness and any form of sluggishness. It manifests in the way we walk (we almost fly!), the way we speak (straight to the point, no flowery introductions), and in the way we deal with people. The biggest test of my patience this year was handling my RHU staff (haha! they might be reading this! I still love you girls!!), the nurses and the midwife who are almost always late when we go on duty to Tubaran. Tubaran is roughly around three (3) hours away from Marawi City without a regular transpo vehicle going there. A day before we go to the area (during Mondays), we already contact our suki vehicle owner to give us a ride. I instruct the staff that we meet as early as 6:00 AM (because I know they will arrive at around 7:00 AM anyway, Filipino time y'know) to gather the vaccines and everything we need for the week in Tubaran, and guess what? They usually arrive at around 8:00 AM or even later than that!!!!! And they make me wait almost always all the time!!! They make their BOSS wait!! (hahaha!) My friends, that happens almost EVERY WEEK of my entire tour of duty in Tubaran. What always irked me the most are those who would SMS me on the last minute that they will not come on duty due to selfish reasons they think are valid which renders them absent for the entire week. OMG. Staff problems. They really, really, really tested my patience. Nevertheless, I tried to be patient with them, I never shouted at anyone, I tried to make them understand the nature of our work and that we are not being punished by being assigned in a municipality forgotten by civilization but it is US who CHOSE to be DTTB and NDPs, and that we have no right to complain nor give our RHU clients lesser than our best.

Patience is a virtue that I have cultivated during my DTTB days~~patience with the staff, patience with the bumpy road, patience with some abusive drivers who think that they are gods because our life depends on them, patience with the kind of governance that we have, and patience with some impatient clients in the RHU who wants to be seen first without lining on the queue. My exercise on having a positive attitude helped me in a lot of ways to acquire patience in my daily life. Whenever I got stuck in a traffic in Marawi (traffic caused by irresponsible motor drivers and equally impatient vehicle drivers), I appease myself by thinking that it's ok, that there might be a few traffic knots somewhere but it will be over soon, that I need not complain about it. That eases my hot-headedness and impatience. Haha! Law of attraction, that is. 

GRATITUDE 

I mentioned in my previous posts about me practicing the gratitude attitude. It is the gist of the book The Secret that I told you about, and it is the biggest lesson that I carried on for the entire year of 2014. One of the exercise in the book is holding a pebble in your hand every night before going to bed, close your eyes and think about what you are grateful for for that day. Instead of holding a pebble, I did express my gratitude every salah, that's five times everyday. That also made me realize that as Muslims, we are encouraged to pray 5 times a day not only to ask God a favor but to count our blessings and express our gratitude to The One who provided us with everything in our lives. Alhamdulillah. When you have that gratitude attitude, it would be very easy to turn a negative occurrence into a positive one. That is by looking on the other side of the situation and thanking God that the worse did not happen. 

There were numerous instances during my DTTB days that I have escaped death. One afternoon when my staff and I were going home from Tubaran to Marawi, the FX we were riding was running at a moderate speed when we felt something underneath us went missing. The driver slowly went to a halt, we came out of the vehicle only to find one of our rear wheel was  missing!! Apparently, the axle (the Meranao driver said that the "aksol" went off so I am assuming that he meant the axle. Haha!) went off that's why our rear wheel flew almost 10 feet away!! Thank God it happened in Bacolod Kalawi where there were many houses and a vulcanizing shop nearby so it was easy for us to get some help. A former Vice Mayor in the municipality also passed by at us on his way to the nearby masjid (it was already 6:00PM maghrib time) and went out of his way to help us. He called the experts on car mechanics and after an hour, our wheel got back on its place and off we went. The people who helped us never asked for any monetary compensation whatsoever, a simple and genuine "Salamat ow"  was already enough. Alhamdulillah there were still people like them who are always ready to render a generous service without expecting anything in return. I have not lost hope in humanity after all. :)  I will always think of that experience with a full gratitude in my heart. We arrived in Marawi very late in the evening already, but come to think of it, we could have NOT arrived at all! Apparently, most fatal vehicular crashes are due to broken axles just like what happened to that vehicle we were riding. It could have happened in the darkest areas in Madamba or Madalum where seeking help would be an utmost difficulty. Subhanallah. Things could have been worse. There are plenty of things that I am grateful for, and when I think about those things, everything that I don't have disappears from my mind. That's the power of gratitude. 

Patience and gratitude are the two virtues that I will live through my entire life, in shaa Allah, because I have felt its impact on me and the people surrounding me noticed it too. I am less grumpy now. Occasional na lang. Haha!  

You, what are your words for 2014?

Azkals Live

I confess to be non-sporty thus rendering my ignorance in the world of sports, in simpler words, lampa. Hindi ko alam pa'no ko naitawid 'yung mga PE subjects ko noong araw. Hehe! I'm not good at any ball games but I'm relatively good at CHEERING!! So, when we learned about the 2nd leg of the Thai-Phil game for the semi-finals for AFF Suzuki Cup here in Bangkok, we hurriedly went to buy tickets to cheer for the Philippines. Besides, the husband is a football fan so he really wanted to watch it live. Unfortunately, it was sold out. I wasn't completely disappointed, but I know the husband was. Later on, we learned that Phil. Embassy staff and officials were given complementary tickets for the game! Yay! Buti na lang hindi kami bumili. 

                                             

It was my first time to watch a sport in a huge stadium and was tremendously astonished by the Thai crowd! All of them were in high spirits to cheer for the Thailand Football Team (The War Elephants), everyone was bringing huge Thai flags, they were wearing shirts with Thai symbolism, their faces painted with Thai flags and some even wore bandana around their heads in Thai flag colors (blue, red and white). The way they cheered for their team pushes their players to kick the ball to the goal! I'm not even sure if we, Filipinos, reached 1% in the crowd. We were drowned in the Thai spirit. 

Rajamangala Sports Stadium, Bangkok, Thailand

The Philippine Football Team (Azkals) lost the game with a crashing 3-0 score in favor of The War Elephants. The "boos" from the crowd every time an Azkal player kicks the ball to the goal helped in decreasing the latter's morale. I am not a sports commentator of some sort (lampa nga, 'di ba?) but having a Thai referee who waved numerous penalty flags and one red tag for the Azkals and ignoring foul actions from the The War Elephants, demoralized the Filipinos more. Sa crowd pa lang, dehadong dehado na tayo. We cannot contest though how great football players the Thais are, they are homegrown talents in comparison to our very own Azkals who are 90% imports. Adding to that, football is not rooted in our culture the same way basketball is. A friend told me that when the 1st leg of the game was held in Rizal Memorial Stadium in Manila last week, the Filipino crowd was very few. That alone says so much of our support for the Azkals. :( 

                              

After the game, we met the team at their hotel and it was an awkward salubong. We did not know what to say. The air would be very different if they won the game, but losing with a score of 3-0 is so downgrading. We still congratulated them for giving their best for the country and had quick photo ops. 

The Philippine Football Team (Azkals) with the Phil. Embassy staff, officials and spouses. They cannot even smile for the camera. :( 

Masakit maging talunan. The Azkals did a great job though by putting the Philippines in the map of AFF and their performance increased our rank in FIFA. I really hope that the next time I would be cheering for them, I'd be screaming Pinoy sounding names and not foreign-sounding ones. Mas nakakaproud yun. 

Weekend in Pattaya

When the husband mentioned about a possible consular outreach, I was really excited! The plan was initially in the southern island of Phuket, but was changed to the nearby Pattaya City in Chonburi province because of increased airfare during the holiday seasons. I wasn't disappointed because wherever province we go, it would mean straying away from my daily housewife routine and traveling for free!! Hehe! The consular team, me and one of husband's officemate's family who were also tagging along, checked-in in a hotel owned by a Filipino. It's called Hotel Vista Pattaya  which employs Filipino staff so, for the first time here in Thailand, I hadn't had difficulty asking for and understanding directions and it felt so much at home being with the homies! Naks, homies! Haha!

Complimentary fruits 

If you get to visit their website, I think our room is called the Club Luxx, an upgrade of the Deluxe Room "with an extra touch of youthful design". I checked on the price and was quite surprised that with the kind of amenities that provides comfort and convenience for the clients plus a super delish breakfast buffet, per night only costs 2,200 baht!! That's roughly around 2,800 Php. Not bad, 'di ba? If you come in a group of 4, super sulit na 'yan!  

If you come in a group, kasyang kasya kayo sa king size bed na yan. :)

                      

The sleek and chic bathroom and powder nook. 

What's also great about Hotel Vista (don't I deserve to get paid with this kind of hotel promotion? Haha! I should make this a job! Patty Laurel lang and peg.) is it's very accessible location. It is situated in the heart of Pattaya City so most of establishments catering to a tourist's needs can be hiked! The famous Pattaya beach is like three minutes away so as restaurants and convenience stores. I've been roaming around whole day while the husband was at work. Not all establishments and tourists spots are accessible by foot though, that's where Songthaews come to the rescue. It is a pick-up with seats at the back and is the general mode of transportation around the city. It is akin to our very own jeepney as tuk-tuk is to a pedicab/tricycle. 

Songthaew

According to the tourism promotion flyers, the Pattaya Bay Area is one of Asia's largest beach resort, no wonder it is the second most visited city in Thailand. Tourists from all races, mostly Caucasians are scattered basking under the sun. It also offers water sports such as jet skiing and parasailing. With the many small boats sailing on the sea and the crowd of tourists, the beach is highly polluted. It is definitely NOT your go-to beach. 

Pattaya beach. I took this early in the morning so there were few people yet. At around lunchtime or past noon, it becomes increasingly crowded.

As I got tired walking along the beach, I sat down on one of those, what do you call them, sun bathing seats? Until I felt a Thai woman tapping me on my back and saying something in Thai and the only thing I understood was "/foh-tee/ baht"! Hahahaha! So may rental fee pala na forty (40) baht! I thought it was free since it is a public beach. I sprung up immediately and walked away. Hahaha!!!

  

Buddhist worshiping corner at the Beach Road. This road highly reminds me of Roxas Boulevard, except that nobody would dare to take a plunge into Manila Bay. 

                      

I have long been nagging the husband that we go to Khao San Road  here in Bangkok for an authentic Thai-style street food experience. Aside from the heavy demand of his work, he does not like eating street foods for haram-precaution (most soups are made from pork broth) and sanitary reasons. I understand him for that. When we arrived in Pattaya, we saw an open-restaurant street-food style along the beachfront. We checked it out and after finding out that they're serving mostly sea foods, we didn't think twice. We had fried crab rice, blanched mixed seafoods (prawns, mussles and squid) in chili Thai sauce and stir-fried morning glory or pat pak boong (kang kong sa Pilipino). We were so delighted that we almost finish the entire meal good for four people! Haha! I am really gaining weight fast here. 

When my Bangkok-based nephew learned that I am tagging along to Pattaya, he told me to "enjoy The Sin City!". Eto pala yun. Not far from where we were staying, just along the beach road is the red-light district where rows of host bars, clubs, massage parlors and hourly hotels are located. It was a good thing I passed by the area in the morning, otherwise how awkward it would be for someone wearing hijab to be walking in the street of prostitutes. Hahaha! Astagfirullah. 

Red-light district

Travel Advisor suggested many a tourist attraction, but what really caught me was The Sanctuary of Truth. In fact, it is the only tourist spot I visited while we were there because I was highly satisfied with what I have seen. MashaaAllah. 

The Sanctuary of Truth  or commonly known to the Thais as Prasat Sut Ja-tum is a gigantic ornate temple-like complex made entirely of wood, I was deeply astonished by the beautiful Thai artistry and woodwork skills!!

Front wing

                     

It felt surreal! I felt like I was in a set of a movie or something, enveloped by the Buddhist mythical and legendary creatures. Haha! It is dubbed as "The Magnificence of Heaven Recreated on Earth" through arts and culture which are used to reflect the Ancient Vision of Earth. It is called The Sanctuary of Truth from the concept that human civilization can only succeed in this world if it can find eternal peace for all mankind. Apparently, eternal peace can be attained when we devoid ourselves from materialism and return to the old values centered to moral and spiritual contentment.

Exterior of the left wing

The intricately carved wood sculptures adorn the entire complex, inside and out. I don't think there is any space not covered with carvings. It presents the seven creators according to Buddhist belief: Heaven, Earth, Father, Mother, Moon, Sun and Stars. 

                    

On top of the four spires of the sanctuary are the four elements that will lead to the ideal world according to Eastern philosophy, Nirvana, I presume. Each step to the ideal world include war between good and evil. In one of the four wings of the complex, wood sculptures presented the epic story of Mahabharta and Ramayana which are, accordingly, meant to extinguish personal desires and lust. 

The vast interior designed elaborately.

All visitors were advised to wear helmets as some parts of the building was under renovation. Some rotten woods are being replaced by new ones with the exact sculptural design. 

Look at that dyahe moment!! I waited for all the tourists to transfer to another wing when I set my phone-camera timer and made an attempt to do a meditation pose then suddenly, these foreigners came and I caught them staring at me the whole time! Hahaha! Na-conscious ako kaya hindi successful ang capture, plus they photobombed me!!! So much for sariling sikap shots. Tsk. 

It is magnificently beautiful!!! 

                      

After seeing everything inside the complex, I sat for another half an hour outside the building just staring at it and appreciating the people who conceived such idea as well as the talents of those who labored hard to materialize such beautiful creation. I may not believe in the Buddhist mythical and legendary stories of creation but it has a similarity with the Meranao legend of Bantugen which has long been forgotten as the Western culture crept into the Meranao society. I guess, the legendary Bantugen and the rest of his story will remain in the memory of my grandmother who sung the victorious songs of Bantugen by heart. It was never passed on to neither my mother's or my own generation. I contemplated on the Meranao wood sculpting artistry, had it been cultivated, developed and promoted among the youth of our generation, we can do better than this. By now, we also have equally beautiful torogan to boast. Sadly though, by keeping at par with the modern technology, we have totally dropped the skills unique to us seeing it as an obsolete and dying industry. I guess, it also has something to do with the increased knowledge in Islam as some Islamic scholars forbid sculpture because it may lead to worshiping idols. I just hope admiring beautiful forms of art is not forbidden because admiration is not tantamount to worshiping. Right?  

A cultural dance treat for the visitors

When the husband and I met at the hotel later that day, I was full of stories and shared many photos with him. He has only one thing to say: "Mas miya-enjoy ka oba sakun nah" (you enjoyed more than I did). Hahaha! 

Dinner at Toscana Italian Restaurant where we had the usual pasta and pizza but in authentic Italian flavor. Delish!!

In continuation to my promotion about Hotel Vista Pattaya, (hahahah!) they have one of the best breakfast buffet I've ever been (on top of my list was in Marina Bay Sands in Subic). On the first day, I had one of the best pad thai I've ever tasted (on top of my list was the one in a Thai resto in Burgos Circle, Taguig? Forgot the name), salad with French dressing (I chose that for a change) and the BEST cream cheese EVURRRRRR!!!! As in it was all I was thinking of whole night long that I already planned what to put on my breakfast plate the next morning. I know I don't need to look around because I already know where they are located on the buffet table. Hahaha! Much to my dismay, pad thai was not available on our second morning. I wished I had eaten more during our first day. Haha!

My breakfast on our second morning. No pad thai. :( But I did have loooooots of cream cheese with herbs. Hihihi. 

Best cream cheese ever. 

                

                   

That's me and husband on a drop lamp.

                                  

Thank you Hotel Vista! Thank you Pattaya for the wonderful weekend and of course, thank you Philippine Embassy in Bangkok for allowing me to tag along! Sa susunod na consular outreach ulit ha. *winks* Hihi.

Quarter-Life Crisis

If you happened to read my previous post about The Secret, it has something to do with me undergoing "quarter-life crisis" pala. I just learned about it when I was reading an article and came across with the word. It summarized everything that I was feeling, I was going through a phase pala that I didn't recognize. What I knew was that I felt a lot of resentment about everything. It happened right after I was deployed in Maguindanao for my DTTB stint and eventually got married. Everything seemed to happen swiftly that I lost track to cope. I thought everything was perfect for me--- I had my license as a physician and earned respect from society, I have a fulfilling job, I married the kind of person I was praying for--- but I was feeling doomed. I dealt with a lot of emotional pains caused by too many factors and here, let me count the ways: 

1.) The hassles of being a Doctor to The Barrio
   
      Being pulled out from one province to another due to a rift with the local chief executive, going to the mountainous terrains, walking under the sun to reach barangays located in what seems to be the endmost part of the world, dealing with hard-headed and delinquent staff, seeing the miserable condition of the people in a municipality forgotten by civilization; and at the same time, witnessing the fabulous and glamorous lifestyle of the handful of people who are supposed to make life easy for those in the far-flung mountains. I was witnessing the irony in my own society. I was disillusioned. I cannot believe how money and power can rip off some people's conscience, rendering oppression to those in the lower strata and how the latter can all be purely innocent of the injustice lashed at them. For two years during my whole DTTB stint, I was in complete desolation. Yes, I have survived DTTB, I am in a good state now, but the people in the municipality I had left are still eating out from one powerful man's hand, struggling through their daily survival, waiting for a miracle to happen.

   For two years, I have witnessed how corruption from the lowermost level occurs and how the people from the grassroots suffer the consequence and worse, how they tolerate the powerful ones as if stealing the money rightfully owned by the mass is a normal thing to do. And the worst feeling is knowing that you are not, by any means, capable of doing something about it. I came to a point of wishing DTTB would end soon so I can get out of the loop to stop witnessing everything. 

2.) Long distance relationship

      Before my husband and I got married, he already talked me out of the DTTB stint and offered to pay back my scholarship so I can join him in his post in Nigeria. I vehemently refused because I was really looking forward to DTTB and I know I will regret it if I wouldn't join the program. I have already accepted our LDR set-up thinking that I have never been emotionally dependent to one person so it wouldn't be a problem. One month after we got married, he left for Africa and we were both back to our pre-marriage routine. Much to my huge surprise, I had a severe separation anxiety that I had occasional outbursts of crying!! Adjusting with the contrasts in our personality with a seven-hour time difference, it was one hell of a crazy LDR. Thanks to technology, but it wasn't enough to make up for the physical absence. Facetime or viber cannot detect the real mood or environment we were in so there were plenty of times when I would burst into outrage and he had no idea why, and then later on he would find himself profusely apologizing for something he did not understand. I was just PMS-ing lang pala. Hahaha! Thank God, he was/is very patient with me. Oh well, he now has a broad understanding of women and he had my mood swings to thank for. Haha!

3.) Pressure from attending to social obligations

      I was never a social butterfly as opposed to my own mother. Being labeled as "the physician daughter of *insert my mother's name here*" and immensely after I got married, I forced myself to pretend to be the social butterfly that I am expected to be and forced my brain to memorize family genealogy. It is quite difficult to be in the Meranao society, I tell you. You are forced to be who you are NOT because of  certain expectations coming from certain labels, and if you fail to live to that expectation then expect murmurs about you behind your back. Guess I will have to live with those murmurs and just shrug my shoulders as I live my life because honestly, I cannot live to pretend. 

4.) Pressure from the masteral classes

       The biggest perk (the ONLY perk actually) of being in the Doctors to the Barrios Program is being enrolled for free in a masteral classes in the prestigious Development Academy of the Philippines. The classes, which we call the Continuing Medical Education or CME, are conducted every six months for two whole weeks in the DAP Convention Center in Tagaytay City. CMEs are always being looked forward to as a breather and a refresher, it is what every DTTB loves. Upon returning to area, we were bombarded with assignments and action plan and projects (APPs) that needed beating a deadline. With the fluctuating internet connection in our place and with the impending works in the rural health unit, it was hard juggling my role as a student, head of unit and subordinate all at the same time. 

5.) The chaotic world

        Everywhere I looked at was chaotic--the core of the society I live in, my country, the whole world is in the verge of war. Natural catastrophes ground us to rubble because of man's own doings. My eyes opened up to the real world and how miserable it is. Negativity started to sunk into my being, it was eating me from within and my whole perspective about this world started to change. I was letting the happy girl in me slip into a hopeless being. Everything, including my own room, was in chaos.


It never occurred to me that the transition from my extended adolescence to adulthood would be a formidable one. I realized that I actually underwent a life-changing phase when I already emerged out of it. Haha! Yeah, it was quite late but I'm just glad that I managed to get through everything unscathed. I am grateful I'm surrounded by the positively-energized people who peppered me with relevant advice and it also helped that I read self-help books. I read all the three books of Rhonda Byrne: The Secret, The Power and The Magic, I read the entire Qur'an (the English translation) for the first time and tried to understand it by consulting some verses with my father who has better understanding of the Holy Book and of Islam and I listened to lectures of Islamic scholars particularly Mufti Menk and Yasmin Mogahed. Perhaps when you're conscious that something is going wrong in your life, it is a reflex that you try to bind yourself together by looking within you the purpose of your very existence. I clung to my faith and by counting my blessings, all the chaos and negativities hovering above me gradually disappeared. The greatest thing that happened to me while I was in crisis was accepting that what is happening in our lives is way beyond our control, that we can only do so much, and recognizing the power of The One Above who is The Best Planner, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful. I believe I understood more things now about my faith than I do before, and there are still a good measure that I am yet to learn and understand.

I am grateful to three people who got my back while I was in crisis, the three people who made me see how blessed I am and who returned my positive outlook in life, they are the ones who I constantly talk to about my problems, who had awkwardly seen me crying, and despite my tantrums and everything, they still loved me unconditionally: my father, my husband and my brother J. I love you three!! 

Aiscape and I

I have this love-unlove relationship with my blog. It's not "love-hate" because I don't really hate my blog. It's like having an old geeky friend whom you've ditched for the cooler newbies in school (twitter, facebook and instagram). If this blog can only speak, I know it holds a lot of hurt feelings toward me. I, on the other hand, keeps a looooot of stories to tell an old friend when we've finally have a time to catch-up. And that time depends on ME. Right after the medical boards exam, I vowed to  write about the untold stories during the review days and write a lot about my Doctors to the Barrios experience. Two years later, I scanned through this blog and horrified I was upon realizing that I actually wrote just two (!) entries about my whoooole DTTB experience (click this and this one, too) . I've been confiding a lot to the cool guys a.k.a twitter, facebook and instagram instead of my old geeky friend who has been waiting in vain for my stories. 

I keep a public blog where nobody reads my entries randomly because I wanted things to be private between me and my readers (who are just my close friends anyway, unless someone finds his/her way here) only, but I noticed that I wanted to share the experience to the crowd! I like people to "like" my posts and agree with whatever I say on the social media!! I felt alarmed though because I read somewhere that people who are very active on social media are those who have tendency toward depression and those with low self-esteem!! And then I came to ask myself, do I really need that validation from people? Am I depressed? Do I have a low self-esteem? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. 

What I noticed about myself though is how short my attention span had become. It started during later years in med school that I cannot focus on something for quite a long time, I need to distract myself with something else and that is how I found my way to the social media. For instance, I have been thinking about writing an entry for the past weeks since I've been here in Bangkok (yes! I'm already here living with my husband!!), but not until now (on my fourth week here) that I finally started a paragraph. And even before writing the first letter and finally coming up with what to write, I have been scanning other people's blog, update myself on twitter, instagram and facebook almost simultaneously! Delaying tactics, you know. But why? Perhaps because first, I don't know when and how to build this friendship with my blog again, and second, I am afraid of grammar nazis. Seriously, I am always afraid of committing a grammar mistake that I think I always end up of having plenty of them! Law of attraction daw. The more you fear about something, the more it is being pulled towards you. Haha! 

Anyways, I already made up my blogsignments in my phone (and in my head) and since I am a full time housewife for the time being, I really hope to catch up with my old friend, Aiscape. :) I won't make promises but I will see to it that I finish an entry at least once a week. Let me start with this. 

Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem.  

Two weeks passed by so swiftly. :( 

I am now back in my own bed in Marawi City. Alone. 

I'll see you in two months, Bangkok. 

I'll see you in two months, Jabar. We will never part then. In shaa Allah. :) 

Sahassadeja. Chief of Giants. Suvarnabhumi International Airport, Bangkok Thailand. 

A Visit to Madame Tussaud's

Last weekend, Jab and I visited Madame Tussaud's at Siam Discovery. It is a wax museum housing real-life wax sculptures of the famous, history figures or celebrities alike. 

                                   

                                       

                           

Who is Madame Tussaud? The one above, no not me, that wax figure above of a woman holding what seems like a decapitated head. That is Anna Maria "Marie" Tussaud, a French-born artist of German descent who became known for her wax sculptures she founded in London. She died in 1850. 

Madame Tussauds was founded in London with branches in a number of major cities. It is a major tourist attraction displaying waxworks of historical and royal figures, film stars, sports stars, scientists and artists. Here in Bangkok, even famous Japanese cartoon characters like Doraemon have waxwork too!

Let's see who we partied with at Madame Tussaud's! 

The preeminent leader of Indian independence in British-ruled India, Mahatma Mohandas Gandhi. This man inspired civil rights and freedom across the world. 

                   

Buddhadasa Bhikkhu was a famous and influential ascetic-philosopher of the 20th century. Jan ko lang siya actually na-meet. Ganda kasi ng upo nya e. Hehe. I later learned that this man played and important role in the spiritual and historical journey of Thailand. 

Their majesties. Too bad, the Duke and Duchess of Wales aren't around. 

His Excellency Russian President Vladimir Putin and future Philippine President Jabar Guro. Haha! Kiddin'. No political plans here but hubby's wearing barong only because he had a previous appointment that necessitates it. He wasn't able to change to a regular shirt due to time constraint. Nag-explain. Bow. 

                                    

May balak palitan si Obama? Lol. 

                                      

Oh no. Who would have thought that here, in Thailand, we would find our true selves and our true love. Haha!

                           

Yao Ming, ambaho!!!

                            

Rubbing elbows and having serious conversations with the stars. Myy deep philosophical convo with Johnny Depp was, um, impressive. 

                           

BUT THIS, I LOVE THE MOST!!!!

DORAEMON!!!! Now I can hear the opening theme playing somewhere in the background.  

                                       

My siblings will love Madame Tussauds! I can't wait to bring them all here! In shaa Allah. :) 

Chillin' after Jab's long tiresome day. We were planning to go to Chatuchak weekend market today until the Administrative Officer called him to fetch the Phil. ambassador to Jakarta at the airport. They call the job as "protocol", wherein all embassy officials and staff would relieve one after the other to run an errand like fetching/sending a Phil. official at the airport. It wasn't Jab's turn yet but the "officer on duty" isn't around. Jab can't say no. We diverted our itinerary to Madame Tussauds Wax Museum instead. We went there immediately right after he came from the airport, he hasn't even changed his short-sleeved barong!!! 

I will post our Madame Taussuds experience tomorrow. For now, we're enjoying our Japanese wagashi. 🍰

 A gorgeous view of the Bangkok sunset. 

 Alhamdulillah.  

Unfortunately, there are some people who dislikes hearing, seeing or even sensing your personal happiness. They always have something negative to say about you or what you do or what you don't do. Well, we cannot do anything about that. We can't be apologetic at all times. What for? For their envy of our own happiness? Why can't they settle with their own and stop minding ours? 

I have only few words for them: 

EAT YOUR HEART OUT!!! 

The Grand Royal Palace

Jabar oftentimes emphasized that he's not here to tour around but to focus on his mountain-piles of work at the office. Apparently, the Bangkok Philippine Embassy is the busiest post, hence truly deserving to be awarded as the Most Outstanding Post. But, I insisted that we go tour around during weekends as I won't be staying long (for now). We decided to visit the Grand Royal Palace and asked among his officemates for directions. To my surprise, most of them haven't visited the tourist spot yet. Alright, they're not here to tour around, right? Ugh. 

Luckily, I have a husband who agrees with my liking to look around and gaze at beautiful architectures. Well I guess, that's one thing we have in common. EXCEPT THAT I take a lot of pictures, while he doesn't. And we argue a lot on that. Haha! 

According to the flyers that were handed to us at the entrance to the palace, The Grand Palace complex was established in 1782 and it consists of not only the royal residence and throne halls, but also a number of number of government offices as well as the renowned Temple of the Emerald Buddha. The photo above shows The Upper Terrace. Four monuments are found on this terrace: a reliquary in the shape of a golden chedi; the Mondop, a repository for Buddhist sacred scriptures inscribed on palm leaves, contained within a beautiful mother-of-pearl inlaid cabinet; a miniature Angkor Wat crafted by the order of King Mongkut (Rama IV); and the Royal Pantheon in which statues of past sovereigns of the ruling Chakri dynasty are enshrined. 

Scattered around the terrace are statues of elephants and mythical beings. The models of elephants are a record of the famous white elephants acquired during the reigns of the various kings of Thailand. 

The photo above shows the replica of Angkor Wat in Cambodia. I've been forewarning Jabar that we need to maximize our stay here in Bangkok by visiting nearby countries such as Cambodia and Vietnam which can be traveled by land. Let's see how he can insert that in his tight schedule. Hehe. 

                                  

History says that after King Rama I ascended to the throne in 1782, the palace was built. Prior to this, the royal palace and centre of administration had been located in Thonburi, on the west side of the Chao Phraya River. For various reasons, the new king considered the former capital to be unsuitable and decided to establish a new capital on the other side of the river. By his royal command, a new palace was built to serve not only as his residence but also the site of administrative offices. The royal compound has been known since then as the Grand Palace. 

                                   

                                   

Above photo shows the Royal Monastery of the Emerald Buddha. It is prohibited to take photos inside as there are locals who are performing prayer rituals. Tourists are allowed to come and merely observe. The Emerald Buddha is one of the most venerated sites in Thailand where people convene to pay respect to the Lord Buddha and His Teachings. The Emerald Buddha is enshrined on a golden traditional Thai-style throne made of gilded-carved wood, known as Busabok, in the ordination hall of the Royal Monastery. The sacred image is clad with one of the three seasonal costumes (summer, rainy season and winter). The three costumes are changed three times a year in a ceremony presided over by His Majesty thr King. 

Religious statues are found in the corners of the compound where Buddhists pay respect by offering flowers and burning incense. 

Another famous temple is found near the Grand Palace, that is Wat Po, but Jabar reserved it for another weekend. Maybe when I stay here with him for good. :)