It's 1:33 AM on my clock and it's jologs time!! On my way back home from MOA to meet up with Doc Ikoy, this song was played in the taxi and it never left my mind. It's called "You Are The One" by Toni Gonzaga. I know this hit the airwaves after Toni and Sam made a movie under the same title, but you know how things lose their meaning when you hear them over and over again? I didn't know the lyrics of this until tonight when I googled it because I hated how the line "you are the one that i've been searching for my whole life through" repetitively rings in my mind. Here's the fruit of the significant research on this song: lyrics and music c/o youtube. 

Cheesy eh? From now on, this is gonna be my pirated counterpart to Ala's letter to her future husband. I declare this song as my future theme song to my future The One, Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate solitary moments like this coz it reminds me of my love life and the lack thereof. LOL. 

I have a new crush by the way, a Muslim surgery resident who I ran into at the cafeteria this morning. I hope he hadn't mistaken my face for a frying pan. Ugh, that postduty look---which, I don't really mind. Kebs. 

And oh, I got stuck at the elevator with another cute surgery resident for a little good than five minutes. I secretly wished for the elevator door to open a longer while. 

I can't wait for my surgery rotation which will be NEXT YEAR!!

Hahaha! I don't know. There's something about surgeons.

It's heartbreaking when the people you put so much trust into decided to leave you hanging the air. There is indeed no loss among those who chose their friends carefully. However, you can never tell what lies ahead. Never give 100% trust to people especially involving legal matters. And that, my dear friends, I learned the hard way. 

TRY PUTTING YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. Indulge in the pain and the impending name stain. 

Conclusion: Real and true friends do not exist in my world. There is no one to save me except Him, whom I have my full trust and faith. Ya Allah, I seek refuge. 

Status: postduty at OB Admitting Section (OBAS)

But, before going back to the hospital's daily grind (which I secretly admit to have been missed), I went out with my HS friends last week to hang out. It was a spontaneous trip to Greenbelt and Rockwell. I didn't know it was Rox' and Fatz' post-birthday celebration pala so I wasn't able to prepare anything for them. Unlike Jehan who knew it beforehand so she tricked us to stop over at F21so she can buy them something while I drooled again for fancy and pretty tops and dresses. Well girls, I'll make it up to you inshaAllah. :) 

If there's one thing I promised myself before internship was to live life normally despite the heaviness of hospital responsibility, the unfixed schedule, the sleep deprivation, and all the abnormalities associated with medical internship. Therefore, I go out as often as I could and always make myself available (unless I'm on duty) whenever friends text me to dine out or simply hang out and talk. In other words, yes, you may date me now. Kidding! 

We dined at Mr. Rockefeller and had dessert at Conti's. I went home with a light heart and a heavy stomach after indulging with too much food. The best thing, of course, was our celebrants paid the bill! Best things come in free! :)

 Afterwards, we decided to loiter around at Rockwell where there was an ongoing Love Japan Fundraising Bazaar. I love my cheap finds!! I wanna go and see, feel and taste Japan!!

Rox, Fatz, Jehan and I at Mr. Rockefeller. 

The birthday girls posing with their kisses-filled complementary birthday cake. :) 

Belated happy birthday girls!!! :)

*credits to Jehan for all the photos*

Another Season Has End

                                Our last week in the community was filled with mixture of excitement, triumph and heartbreak. Excitement as we finally go home for good, triumph for we have survived six-weeks of intense community immersion and heartbreak as we bid farewell to the homes that temporarily sheltered us. Turning back on the days we spent in the community, I mused on the significance of my stay and what I have learned thus far. During our block evaluation, this question was also raised and it seemed as though each and everyone has their own views and explanations about this immersion.

                While others may find the past six-weeks futile and a waste of time, I find it fruitful and an eye-opener. Witnessing people in dire need of health services is nothing new to us but exploring deep down into the roots---psychosocial and even political causes is what community immersion has taught me. If the entire internship is a movie, this rotation is the “behind the scenes”. It made me understand why an old man who is a TB suspect with atheromatous aorta had to wait a month after consultation to go to the laboratory and have his sputum examined and his chest x-rayed. Because he has to wait a month to adequately fatten his pig in order to sell it at a reasonable amount that will cover his medical expenses. It made me understand why an entire family came in with impetigo contagiosa which apparently started from the mother who had prior check up at the same health center and was given meds but still the skin infection persisted and even spread to her younger children. Because there is shortage of Cloxacillin at the health center and since she cannot afford to buy the said antibiotic to cover the entire regimen, she took the meds one capsule daily instead of taking it 4 times daily for a week. It made me understand why a three-year old boy who came in due to cough and colds can be mistaken for a 2-year old. Because he is the youngest in the brood of six to a 30-year old housewife mother and a fisherman father who earns at most P200 a day. Ultimately, it made me understand clearly the bitterness of social hierarchy. Those who gets better education can acquire power and wealth and most often than not, such assets are used as weapon against those who fail to acquire such. The latter are being displaced and ripped off from their own lands with a little compensation by the former that will be benefited for the rest of his life. Sounds more like the Hispanic era in the land of the Indios, eh? Indeed, history never fails to repeat itself.

                A colleague mentioned that we might as well leave these people alone and allow them to continue believing that a boy who seizes is “nasapian” or a girl who has cerebral palsy is a result of “karma” to his parents or a woman who had anaphylactic shock is “nabarang”. Accordingly, what we are doing in the community is just complicating matters to them and the aftermath is piles of debts from medical expenses. In simpler terms, we are ruining the peaceful life in the community. I beg to disagree. We are not heroes to change lives (we can’t even change ourselves, much more others). We are not here to turn the lives of community people into another direction we perceive as the better one. We are not here to change their beliefs and tell them not to seek the traditional healers. We are here to implement primary health care defined as equal distribution of health care for all people regardless of culture, race, religion, and social and political status. We are here to give them the options and show them that there is another path aside from traditional healing. What is education for if not being shared and applied in a manner beneficial for all? 

                We may never return to San Juan, Batangas for community medicine (we may go back for the beautiful beaches though) but the impact of the entire experience will forever be with us. For every patient we see in the ER or at the OPD or even those haggard-looking patient-watchers we ran into the hospital hallways, picture of where they came from will always flash in our minds so we can have a better understanding of them. We may have miniscule role in the empowerment of the community, but it is undeniable that the community itself has a major role not only in our medical career but as human beings per se. Therefore, our six-weeks were never put to waste. Others may not have realized it yet, but I know they will.

               

Oh that O! O_O

Old houses

I don't know if it's a municipal ordinance to preserve their century-old homes or perhaps renovation is prohibited but houses at Poblacion, San Juan, Batangas are really old and vintage!! Remember my entry about Cafeno? Last week, we were introduced to Orange Grill restaurant. I thought it was just an ordinary old house like its neighbors until I saw the tarp plastered at the fronthouse. I presumed this used to be a home to a prominent family and they decided to turn it into a restaurant which is a smart idea because people from the metro will definitely visit this place for that unfamiliarly cool ambiance. 

 Look at those enormous windows! It certainly felt like time traveling to the 19th century where you were gulped by a strong wind and ended up standing at Kapitan Tiyago's mansion where Maria Clara was sitting covering half of her face with a fan.

Gastronomic satisfaction guaranteed!!

 If you live in this house, you will definitely suffocate in too much ventilation! You will have excessive amount of sunshine, wind, rain, and unsolicited visitors!

Ultimately, they got great foods!! We ordered for Orange Chicken and Chicken Teriyaki which are both approved by our tastebuds. What we loved most was their Orange Lemon Iced Tea which comes at a super cheap price of P30!! Imagine?!? 

Chicken Teriyaki with fried camote on the side. 

Off-key

I know, I know. I am not supposed to post this because we are not supposed to meet at the community unless it's a Tuesday or a Saturday due to the NO-BARANGAY-HOPPING rule,  but hey, we are adults!! (alright, are we?) Anyways, last Friday night, our block decided to sleep over at Alaric's place (he's from San Juan, Batangas by the way) for practical reasons since theirs is near the staff house where we conduct our weekly Mortality and Morbidity report before going back to Manila. Now, guess what? They have a videoke machine at home!! Us, girls, sang our heart out, non-stop, from 5:00 pm to 9:00 pm!! We didn't notice the time as we continued to enter songs! 

Biritan na 'to!!

I have many discoveries among my blockmates that night such as:
a.) Crystal, our elitistang blockmate can turn into the most jologs person ever!! Well I guess, every person has that secret side.
b.) Suzie can actually rock Linkin Park's Papercut and rap In The End!! Memorize niya ang lyrics!!
c.) Tina is not just your average doctor-to-be, she has the capability to join in a singing contest!
d.) Alaric keeps on singing "Dahil Ikaw" by True Faith and up until now he cannot perfect the song...nice try by the way.
e.) Irving!! *Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang starts playing in my head now!* Woot, Julius Babao!
f.) Despite singing off-key almost the whole time, I picked Adele's Chasing Pavments to be included in my videoke song box!! LOL. Yun lang ata yung nakanta ko ng medyo tama!

Any of my blockmates will kill me if they get to read this!!

OMJ--as in Oh My Journal!!!


Suzie and I worked last night at Figaro to finish and "rehearse" our journal reporting that took place today.

Here, Dane is reporting on their cluster's journal. Reporting was done in front of 4 consultants, 2 residents and members of the 3 blocks currently rotating in the community: Block U (that's us!), Block T and the newcomers, Block S. Unintentionally, my crush is in the photo!! Yiiiheee! Kaya pumapalakpak puso ko while reporting. Hihihihi. 

Ombrella!!

Can I spell umbrella that way, just now, please? For the sake of this entry. Hehe. It's raining so hard. Another low pressure area, I guess. 

Ombrella display at the UP College of Medicine. 

***

We got only two more weeks of packing and unpacking!!

Reflections

*this was what i wrote on our third weekly reflections in the community.

The medical field may be broad but the vastness brings one to narrow down into an array of choices. After passing the boards, a new physician may choose to a.) further master a specific specialty by going into residency, b.) earn financially by “moonlighting” or c.) become a public servant by going into isolated communities where there is scarcity of medical doctors. I see myself going into the third option before proceeding into the first one. This is not merely dictated by a particular scholarship that demands a 2-year compensated community service, but because of some personal wishes I want to fulfill before going hard core in the hospital for residency. Being a community doctor is advantageous in such a way that I get to have a break from the toxic hospital environment, I will have to spend more time with my family (or probably have my own family then), I get to give back to my community and to the government which provided me my education, plus the monetary compensation is not bad.

However, it is not all perks. Being a community doctor breaks all the clinical idealism in a new physician. Although we encounter benign cases, inaccessibility to simple laboratories such as x-rays, urinalysis and blood exams interfere with the accuracy of our diagnosis. We are taught not to rely on laboratory exams for diagnosis but it is undeniable how helpful labs are in confirming diagnosis that leads to proper management. Now it gradually dawns on me why patients from far-flung areas arrive at a tertiary hospital already on the terminal stage of the illness.

Few nights ago while we were watching the news reviewing what the current administration had accomplished on their first year on the seat, there was an emphasis on their negligence about health. Sadly, our country is filled with too much politicking that our beloved government officials deals only on projects that can be seen by naked eye such as infrastructure and agriculture and least on the core that allows a human being to act and think efficiently---health and education. I believe that our progress as a nation is impeded due to our failure to deal with the basics; we jump into the tip of the problems without knowing the roots. Unfortunately, our public officials address problems which answer only to their personal interest. They are unaware of what is happening into the less civilized part of country, how those people behind the mountains suffer physically and economically.

As a would-be community doctor, I will be dealing with a whole lot of the abovementioned social problems. I don’t know yet what I can do about it, solutions are definitely not seeping into my mind yet. But what is two years of dealing with social disease? It won’t be long, I would face physical diseases again which is way easier to cure. 

*we're about to begin our 5th week, and yes, about to end. which reminds me, i haven't written my fourth weekly reflection yet!!!

A Story

She was walking down the alley bearing the weight of the world on her shoulders. Sporting her bagpack filled with kilos and kilos of books, she’s dragging herself towards her destination—home. That’s her everyday route—home then school, and vice versa. There are occasional visits to the bookstore or to a coffee shop or a hormone-induced hunting for that perfect pasta drowned in too much cheese, otherwise she’s heading home. She may not be wearing spectacles but she’s the typical picture of a lifeless geek. She’s the familiar face for many, but her name is unheard of.  Nobody really cares about her, oh well, not that she ever minds. All she cares about is how to pass her brain-wracking exams which explains her present mood.

She was walking like a zombie staring at the blank road, slowly kicking tiny stones that come her way. She muses about the number of pages that needs to be done about tonight, or, just finish a movie to relax her mind for the exam. “What would life be if I were at a party at the eve of an exam, drinking my heart out, dancing and singing ‘til the break of dawn?” She paused and pondered. She began to imagine the lights, the glittery clothes, the towering shoes, and the intense noise coming from the sound of the party music mixed with voices of giggling women. She imagined herself in the crowd. How will she act? How will she sway her hips to the music? How does it feel to have a hang-over? How does it feel to have no inhibitions, whatsoever?

And then the music died.

“I don’t belong there.” She declared to herself while picking up some few study materials she dropped in the midst of her daydreaming. She stood, fixed her bag on her back, finger-combed her hair, and continued her journey wearing her usual burdened face.

“You know what, give yourself a break” said an unfamiliar voice from her back. She almost jumped and screamed to her astonishment, she wasn’t aware someone was trailing her. As she was turning around to see who it was, he walked past her pacing swiftly. Hands on the pocket of his blue hooded sweatshirt, he didn’t turn around. He was walking fast as if chasing for the unseen.

He disappeared at the end of the road while she was standing blankly wondering who he was. 

Friends were inviting me to watch Transformers 3 at iMax. I refused because I am not into violence-related movies, specifically robots.
Hence.
At a coffee shop alone.
Caffeine overdose.
Advance OB-GYN reading (weh!).

That's what future spinsters  single ladies do on Saturday nights.

Cafeño

My likeness for coffee shops is a known fact,  not because I'm a coffee addict but because of the ambience. I look for coffee shops filled with eternal silence where people do their own thing, either getting their noses buried in their books or wandering in the world wide web. Here in the community, there's Kappe Brako just within our vicinity so it's not much of a problem where to loiter around. Just this Tuesday after our arrival in San Juan, Batangas, Alaric introduced us to this old-school coffee shop that is quite famous not only for their kapeng barako but because of its vintage interiors. It's not like they actually meant the place to look vintage, IT IS REALLY OLD!!! This is owned by a Batangas old-rich family and they have preserved the place from its original form dated back in the 1950s.

I googled this. 

Googled, too. 

Here, Suzie showing her back at the camera. Look at the interiors. Anay na lang ang kulang. Haha! Seriously, it has this 1950s-1960s feeling. Missed my lola's old house. 

Aside from kapeng barako, they're also famous for their tamales, sticky rice suman with shredded coconut bits.

Block U at Cafeño. :D

Yes, this is the generation where women stands up while men are sitting comfortably.