TRAUMAtized.

"Oi Aisha, sobrang sorry kanina ah. Zero sleep kase ako kagabi tas nag-assist ako til umaga kaya pagdating ko jan knocked out ako. Tapos andami dami tumatawag na nanonoxic na wala ko kaalam-alam sa mga sinasabi nila kaya natoxic kita dun sa charts. Sorry talaga ah."

That apologetic text message came from my resident after an incident at the ER when he sort of raised his voice at me when I delayed gathering the patients' charts for him. After the morning rounds with the Trauma* team captain, she instructed me to give all the charts to the nurses so they can immediately carry out some of the orders and I did what I was just told. By and by, this resident arrived at the ER slumped on the table to steal some naps after, I guess, weeks of being on straight duty!! Once in a while, he would raise his head to ask if we have referrals but it was obvious that he was half-asleep half-awake. He spoke as if he's sleep-talking. Hehe. I heard his phone ringing several times but he was still in deep sleep. I hesitated disturbing him as I fully understood how it feels to be sleepless. Later on, I guess when he was fully awake, he sprung his head from the table and was reading his text messages. He then asked me to gather the charts. I bet the senior residents were asking him stuff about the current status of our patients and since he wasn't present during the morning rounds, he's not updated about anything. That's probably why he wants to see the charts. Problem was, the nurses were in the middle of carrying out the orders and they wouldn't give the charts to me. If I steal those charts, the carrying out of doctor's orders will be put off and if that happens, I will answer to the team captain. I thought the resident can wait, I even showed him our logbook where we wrote  patients' updates but he insisted on me collecting all our charts. I told him the nurses won't give the charts and that's when he got mad and raised his voice, but not to the point of shouting. I didn't answer back as it is not my habit to answer back to people older or senior than I am. I kind of giving in to their whims with all due respect to the position they hold over me. So without any words, I returned to the nurses' station and started begging for the charts. I saw him stormed out of the room, he was probably called at the ward. I was disgusted by him that morning I didn't wanna see him again.

At around afternoon, my co-intern Sherwin and I were conducting patients to Radiology when that resident called him up asking for my number. I told Sherwin not to provide my number as I assumed he would just give me series of orders nanaman. Do this and do that. Plus, I'm loathing him pa, I told Sherwin. A few while later, I kept wondering ano nanaman iuutos niya so I decided to just phone him. He said he'd just text me. Gah, mahaba-habang utos nanaman siguro 'to, I thought to myself. That's when I was surprised by that text message. I am humbled by the humility he has shown. Very few residents would have done that. They'd just assume we understand what they're going through and would never bother to apologize. That's one of the things I like here in PGH, residents do not terrorize interns as much as in other hospitals do. At least, we are not being treated as slaves to them like the stories on asking interns to buy them food, or groceries or withdraw money for them. You know, stuff which are no longer hospital-related. Those don't happen here in PGH. You will get terrorized if you cannot explain what happened to your patient. Nothing of those monkey businesses. 

All Trauma first year residents (3 of them) had been on what seems like a perpetual duty. They don't have the leisure time to go home to even change their clothes. They were either at the ER, at the ward or at the OR assisting at operations. They are the first people to be called regarding patients' status. These three residents help and cover for each other, so nobody among them goes home. That would explain their mood. Seeing them in that state discourages me to go into residency in a government-owned hospital. I'm not sure if I can devote that much time, or rather, if I can devote my whole self in the spirit of training when I can have the same learning if I go into a private tertiary hospital. I do not know yet. I haven't made up my mind yet where to go for residency for I am yet to take the boards!! Hahaha!! 

If you wonder what I replied to that message, I said. "No probs, Sir" and a smiley. He again said sorry. My crazy co-intern Issa suggested I should have replied just a plain and simple "K"!!!!!!! I wonder how the resident would react to that!! Seriously, apology accepted. I admired the humility. It's either humble lang talaga siya or ayaw lang niya masunog at the end of the year!! Either way, apology accepted pa rin. :)

*After everything I said about Trauma, yes, I ate my words and now I am a Trauma intern! Grrr! I had to shift over to Trauma because they lack one person in the group so I volunteered after realizing it might be of help in my future practice as doctor to the barrio. The way I feel for Trauma is just the same.