I have come into an expected pause in my life but I enjoy living in heart-shaped bubbles that don't seem to rupture. I have been smiling from ear to ear every single day for the past few months and finally, yes finally, my life is having a bit of color now. <3 <3 <3 

There are forms of happiness worth keeping than sharing. 

P.S.

I so miss the normalcy of blogging and of writing and of being a critic. But when you're mind is fogged with incomprehensible colors, words fade away just like that. They only leave footprints of that peculiar feeling. 

Lili's Little Angel

Meet baby girl Zahraa Reem Mamari Dimakuta, weighing 5.6 lbs, delivered via low transverse cesarean section. BFF Lili's first baby! MashaAllah! May you grow up as gorgeous as your Mom and as kind and religious as your Dad. 

"May she be granted beauty, and yet not   

Beauty to make a stranger's eye distraught,   

Or hers before a looking-glass; for such,   

Being made beautiful overmuch,   

Consider beauty a sufficient end,   

Lose natural kindness, and maybe   

The heart-revealing intimacy   

That chooses right, and never find a friend.

May she become a flourishing hidden tree,   

That all her thoughts may like the linnet be,   

And have no business but dispensing round   

Their magnanimities of sound;   

Nor but in merriment begin a chase,   

Nor but in merriment a quarrel.   

Oh, may she live like some green laurel   

Rooted in one dear perpetual place." 

-William Butler Yeats

Upside Down

Photo taken sometime in October 2012 at Enchanted Kingdom.

Life is one helluva roller-coaster ride. Enjoy it, witness it, get involved with it, don't close your eyes when you're turned upside down, that's when you can test your courage and strength most. 

Have a lovely November, friends! It's my birth month! :D 

Two Cents

For my 27th year on this mysterious earth, allow me to share what life has inculcated in me.

1. HARDWORK

              It always pays off. Never fails. If you want something really bad, you just have to really work on it head-on. The universe will not conspire in your favor if you fail to perform your part. Try asking successful men on their secret to reaching the peak of their triumph and they got only one word for you, dude --- hardwork.

2. FAITH

              Never ever sell yourself short. Keep the faith that you can achieve achieve your goal, because if you don't believe in yourself, who will? But the biggest share of your faith should go to God--put your entire trust on Him as you trudge your way to success because He, alone, causes circumstances to happen.

3. GRATITUDE

              Pay gratitude to the people, who, in one way or another have helped in pushing you to the limits until you reach the top. They may be your parents, siblings, mentors, family members and friends who have offered prayers, provided comforting words, embraced you and tapped your back when you feel like giving up. Always say your Thank Yous, these are two powerful words that are soothing to the heart. Those people who have rendered help, especially your family and mentors, do not expect anything in return other than a simple Thank You. And, say it a sincere smile. :D

4. HUMILITY

               Wherever your feet brings you, just keep them firmly planted on the ground. Arrogance will bring you nowhere but to your downfall. Always keep your confidence with your head bowed low.

5. PATIENCE

                One will not value his success if he did not meet thorny obstacles along the way. These obstacles will either make or break your goal, so always carry patience as your weapon. InshaAllah, it will shield you through the terrifying sea of obstacles.

6. OPEN-MIND

                Finally, as you go all through these, face life with an open-mind. When the waves of life don't seem to agree with you, don't easily dwell into the darkness of frustration, believe that it shoves you to a better place.


Alhamdulillah for another great year! Thank you 2012, you've been awesome! On my 27th, multitude of changes are beginning to take place and I'm facing them with bravery. Help me God. :)

A Letter

At one point during the board exam review days, most of us were at the brink of emotional (and nervous) breakdown. The anticipation of what was going to come out and the result after the exam was gradually killing us. Because we were phone calls away from our families, my classmates/friends and I hold on to each other for emotional support. We perfectly knew how each one feels about the board exam, unlike our families and other friends outside the medical field who were also supportive but did not have an inkling as to the amount of pressure that was on us. My good friend Alvi, our class valedictorian and epitome of beauty, intelligence, patience, kindness and everything good in this world, wrote me a letter which really boosted my self-confidence. I was flattered beyond words and I couldn't thank her enough for that. Here goes. 

My dear friend Aisha,

        I have always admired you. You're a woman of faith. You're diligent and pious. I know you will be a great doctor in  your community in the future. And so let your dream of becoming one strive and push you more to work hard for your future patients. Personally, I have just yet realized that what I said when I was interviewed for the application in med school that being a doctor is to serve humanity, is indeed service.  And in service, there are sacrifices. This review for the board exam is one of those; it's one step, it's one of those mountains we have to climb. Many times we feel that in every step we take is so hard, so painful that we think of giving up. However we do not realize that if we will just be faithful, that another step is already the finish line. So be joyful, be glad; rejoice on hardships, in difficulties, for like gold, we are being purified by the trials of life; impurities are removed and in the end is that shiny, precious, pure gold. One that is treasured, one that is perfect. In everything you do, do your best for God deserves nothing less. Give it all. Life is too beautiful to waste it on the miseries of this world or the sadness of this world. And in your preparation, couple it with prayer. For it is said to WORK and PRAY. Pray hard. Pray constantly. Pray at all times. When you're sad, pray. When you're about to give up, pray. Then God will renew you, He will give you grace and hope. And so run in such a way as to get your prize. Do not run aimlessly, run with all your might, angels are there cheering for you. We can all do this. Though time has not let us come together for words of hope, but my prayers are with you and the rest of our batch. 

Just keep it up. Never give up.

God bless.

It was so dramatic because she left the folded letter on to my study table and I got teary-eyed after I read it. Haha! Alhamdulillah, our prayers were answered and all of us passed the board exam. I wish our class all the best, good luck to us as we embark on a brand new journey! :) Cheers to the Class 2011!

I haven't written anything that makes sense for a long while now. I tried to squeeze out that creative juice in me but it seemed empty. There are plenty of things around me to write about but there's nothing that hammers me to actually write it down. Words just linger playfully in my mind and got stuck.

Profundity has evaporated.

But I guess, it makes sense to be a doctor. :)

Found

"I guess, when The One finds you, there's nothing, not even a single atom in you that revolts against it." 

That was what I wrote in my private diary a month ago. I still believe so because I felt it. We can only pray. <3 

The Lone Traveler

Photo taken 36,000 feet above the ground on a perfect sunset afternoon. It's a rare chance to eye witness closely the magnificent sun hiding behind the huge clouds as it bids farewell to end another beautiful day. 

Who said I was alone? I was with Haruki Murakami, my love. 

What Now, Doc?

Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem.

First and foremost, I'd like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to my mentors from MSU-College of Medicine and to the residents and consultants of the Philippine General Hospital, without their teachings, we wouldn't be where we are today. I am forever thankful to my parents and siblings for the support and for the spiritual guidance, from whom I am getting all the strength and courage to fight life's battles. I'd like to thank everyone who offered prayers, my aunts, uncles and cousins, my classmates, and their parents and all our friends who wished us well during and after the physician licensure exam. 

Indeed, we are now full-fledged physicians. Alhamdulillah. All praises belong to Allah, the Master of the universe, without the knowledge and wisdom that He bestowed, without His help, we are nothing. 

Alhamdulillah, I am now at the peak of my dream. After four years of med school and one year of internship, all those hard work and sacrifices, we are now granted the privilege to practice as physicians. I cannot put into words what I have been through all those years, what I wrote in this blog about my experiences while learning the craft haven't even reached one-sixteenth of the whole thing. During the review days, I literally locked myself inside the boarding house doing nothing but to study. Every single minute counts, there was no room to waste time. During those days, I never opted to fail. Although the possibility of failure never skipped to linger and somehow I made myself ready for it, I never let it overpower my courage to pass the board exam. Alhamdulillah, everything paid off. :)

However it may seem over, but no, this is the just the beginning of our dream. It's still a long road ahead of us, a long road of practicing the craft and being the best at it. Most of us are now at another forked road of choosing what specialty to undergo, the field that suits us best. But for us with scholarships, we have no choice but to return our service for 2 years as community doctors. I have seen multitude of advantages in going into this field before I proceed to my residency training. Aside from giving back to the community and rendering my service, I will have the whole two years of spending my time with my family and do the things I love----reading, writing and hopefully earning to travel. :) 

For someone like me, life begins NOW and I'm so excited to start the adventure!!!

The Espiritu Place, East Fairview, Quezon City.

This was supposed to be a kitchen but we decided to make it our study area. Looks more like a war zone.

 #1307. Subhanallah 

I'm so proud of my school!! In spite of our lack of faculty members and lack of facilities, our school has maintained the standard that it is aiming for. We placed FIFTH outstanding school based on board passing rate for the past five years. How much more if our university provides us with the necessary facilities? Let's aim for the TOP MSUans! :)

MD Oathtaking. L-R:  Mama, Aunt Fatima and  Papa. My Aunt Fatima is like my second mother here in the metro. Thanks for all the support and love! :)

Post-oathtaking dinner. Banana Leaf, Robinson's Ermita.

Thanks family and friends for coming! :)

P.S.

To that special someone whose presence has been there the whole time I was grilling myself at the review center, thank you for encouraging me and pushing me to do my best. You know how scared I was, but with your kind words, you have triggered my confidence to the topmost level. Thank you so much! :)  

Something I saw from Ate Dee's blog. 

Remembering med school and board review days when I had to wake up very early to catch-up on my readings after Fajr prayer, fall asleep at the end of the day on the study table with a book underneath my face, while my conscience is bugging my mind. I'll be like that again, two years from now when I pursue my residency training (InshaAllah). Presently, I'm reading on my fancy fiction books. MashaAllah. This may be temporary, but I'm living a dream. Haha! :) 

Fancy Feet!

I can spend hours by just looking at fashion blogs on the internet while an image of me clad in those fancy suits whirred in my head. Most often than not, those images remain in my head until they fade into nothingness. As I always say, I go for comfort when it comes to fashion, a big reason why I always wear flat shoes but envy women wearing fancy elevator shoes. Yesterday, while my cousin and I went "sight-seeing" at Nuvali, I saw this Payless store at Solenad and headed right inside.  My eyes got fixated on this snakeskin printed pumps, I immediately had a vivid image of my feet in it on my Oathtaking Day. Naks! So, I brought it home! :) Good luck to my feet then! 

Late Entry
Written August 29, 2012

Now that the board exam is over, WAITING is the most terrible part. I can feel my heart swaying vigorously inside my chest. I pray that whatever the result will be, I will be able to handle it appropriately. If it is negative, may I cope with the sadness, disappointment and failure that it will bring. If it is positive, which I fervently prayed for my entire life, may I contain my happiness (haha! oyeah!), may I be humbled by it and may God use me as an instrument for the betterment of my community. 

Chos! :)

Late entry.
Written July 1, 2012.

We're at a point of gathering all the weapons we have sharpened and molded into perfection through years of med school, clerkship and internship. The battle is near and all these weapons must be in perfect shape for their proper utilization. We are aiming for that prize---the privilege to practice the medical craft.

In my entire existence, this is the ONLY exam where failure is NOT an option. This is the exam which tests one's character. Deep in our hearts, we know that the result is not the measure of our intelligence, our capabilities and the kind of person that we are. Medicine is so broad that we do  not know what to expect to come out. When all else fails, the only thing that remains in us is COURAGE. Courage to face and eliminate all our fears. 

Bismillahi Rahmaanir Raheem. 

Earned A Title

Ronsing, MD.

For real?

OYeah!!!!

*credit goes to my friend Bit-Bit for the screenshot. 

Hello there. How have you been?

I know I have quite a lot of explaining to do for my hiatus which will hopefully come to an end. So much has transpired during the whole time I was away, too bad my brain can't process everything all at the same time. Please know that I am so much looking forward to sharing all the great and not-so-great things that happened. :)

Happy and in-love,

A.

Friends, I'm not an endorser of Benz yet. Focus on their slogan.

Intense!!!!

This is it, pansit!!!!

Dua'a. (prayers)

Sisters In The Metro

There were blessings disguised as troubles, and if we fail to recognize them, we'd be in deep shit. However, if God really wants us to see the light behind the dark clouds, He will guide us through meeting wonderful people who will help us in pulling ourselves together and getting back on track. 

Just when the world seemed to play its treacherous tricks on me and was shouldering a gigantic problem on my own, there were two women who helped me back up. They welcomed me into their abode and treated me like a real sister. Alhamdulillah. With their presence in my life, it seemed like all troubles went away. Thanks for the positive energy and for bearing the person that I am!! I will miss you housemates!! Expect me to still come and go at the unit. Haha!  Love you both!! :)

P.S.


I'm beginning to develop separation anxiety. I have already loaded my stuff at Fairview but I'm still here at the unit. I don't wanna go yet. Lol!!

Snapped!!!

BLOCK U!! Thank U for such wonderful year! This photo simply describes Us. I will miss seeing Ur faces everyday! 

"We revive, U survive"

Internship shouldn't end just like that. WE HAVE TO CELEBRATE THIS ALMOST FREEDOM!!!! Wohoo!! I guess I was the happiest intern on earth when the clock struck 5:00PM of April 30, which signals me to go and not be back the following day! I was literally dancing on tiptoes and singing a happy tune on my way home. Haha! Love it! 

To wrap up the year, you may click on the items labeled "internship" or "medical internship" on the rightmost of this page and join me in reminiscing what went through the year. :)

In hindsight, do I have remorse upon choosing PGH? Nada. Sure, there were heartbreaks and feelings of incompetencies, there were moments of being on the brink of disintegration, but accepting the fact that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger made me thrive all year long. Alhamdulillah. 

My friends, this is my last entry under the label medical internship. 

Yours truly,

Ronsing, MD. 

Why This Jungle

 Written on April 21, 2011; 2:55 pm, thousands feet above the ground on PAL flight PR 186.

I am writing in a plane bound for Manila, where after spending my whole life in Mindanao, I will be settling for a year (and more) to pursue my internship. I left my loved ones with a heavy heart due to the distance and the fact that I will not be seeing them for the coming months. I melted when my aunts and uncles threw a surprise send-off party two days before I leave, everyone was there! I was ecstatic! Then, my mom invited them for dinner a night before my flight. Happiness! I couldn’t help my tears though when it was time to bid farewell.

Several months ago, I was confronted by a major confusion on where to pursue my one year post-grad internship (PGI). There were several aspects to consider and after a long mind boggling battle, here are the reasons why I chose a hospital in Metro Manila over Cebu and Davao:

1.       It is Manila, the Capital of the Philippines which monopolizes almost everything that is supposed to be shared to other parts of the country. Hence, Manila has almost everything. Here is where is you can see and observe everyone from the opposite ends of the economic scale. Exploring this urban jungle will help me become strong and vigilant. I will meet plethora of people with different personalities, way far from where I came and for that I believe I can adapt proficiently. *cross fingers*

2.       It is UP-PGH. The National University Hospital. Need I say more? Yes, toxic na kung toxic, OA sa katoxican but how can one become better if one doesn’t push himself a little harder? One has to try to the end of his limits to test what he is capable of.

3.       I have my cousins here. Like I always say, nothing beats being with the family. Knowing I have my cousins here, my parents are quite comfortable sending me here. They need not worry about me coz I have people to run to whenever something untoward is up.

4.     I have my friends here. More than half of my highschool berks are Manila-based. Some are raising a happy family here (yes, they have children, I’m so old!), some are pursuing post grad studies while others are earning bundles of bucks here. My Quasar friends are here also, in fact, Rox is a co-intern ad hopefully Jehan will join us here at UP-PGH, soon! Happiness!

With this, I can only pray to God to give me the courage and strength (physical, spiritual, intellectual and emotional strength) in facing and beating all the ODDS.

It is at the peak of vulnerability when we become slaves to our frail emotions. The moment when all the encapsulated tidbits of neglected feelings uncontrollably blew into a horrible monster we have never seen before. The worst part is keeping it all to yourself. 

(Kopiko-induced sentiments)

The Walled City

One scorching sunny afternoon, my brother Jalal and I played tourists in the metro! Our destination: Intramuros, Manila or better known as The Walled City. Back in the Spanish era, (ahem! ako na ang may nalalamang history!), this used to be the capital and the seat of Spanish sovereignty in the Orient for over three hundred years. The walls of Intramuros were built to prevent threats of invasion by Chinese, Japanese, Dutch and Portuguese pirates. (naks, parang The Great Wall of China ang peg!) The walls stretched to 4.5 kilometers in length, enclosing a pentagonal area of approximately 64 hectares. Before you proceed, I shall warn you of the amount of photos in this entry! It's overloaded! I lack time putting them into collage!

First Stop: Silahis souvenir shop packed with Philippine made crafts and artistries, we even found some vanishing Maranao cultural goodies such as the kulintang, kubing, dubakan (musical instruments) and a replica of the Sarimanok. 

That huge drum behind Jalal is a Maranao palace drum that is used when the Sultan wants to convene his people. 

Next stop: The Papier Tole Shop. It's a souvenir shop where items are mostly made of paper. They claim to have started their business since 1668!! 

A batallion of them!! Cute!!

I love the adobe stone walls and pavements in this portion of The Walled City. It's magnificent how the place was restored to it's original structure after it was ruined during The World War II. 

Next: Casa Manila. It is a "colonial lifestyle" museum where the Spanish way of living and their influence in our culture is being highlighted. Too bad taking pictures inside was prohibited so we just took photos in the zaguan (corridor) and patio.

Guess what I wished for? :p

Next: The sentry wall top. We climbed the top of the sentry wall beside the ECJ building where we got a nice view outside Intramuros: The Manila Golf Course. 

The sun seemed to roast my skin I couldn't bear to face it and smile!! I, instead, pose for a side view. 

There you go, rabbit!!! Nyahehehehehehe...

Jalal trying to replicate my pose!! Awkward!! Eeepp!!

 This is now called the ECJ building housing some government offices. This used to be a palace where Miguel Lopez de Legazpi, that conquistador former Governor-General of the Philippines was residing.

In our journey back to the Spanish era, we found a "futuristic" graffiti wall where them punks express themselves by painting stuff on it. It's called freedom, men. Freedom. Emo. Whatever. 

We wandered around until we realized the sun was almost setting and we haven't reached Fort Santiago yet.    Thank God there we sikads around which transported us to our main destination. Haha! 

This is The Walk Way to Martyrdom. They "traced" the footsteps of our National Hero, Dr. Jose Rizal, from his prison cell to Bagumbayan (now, Luneta) where he was executed. 

Guess who was there to give us a FREE historical lecture!!! Ta daa... Carlos Celdran in the flesh!

We sat behind the REAL Tourists..feeling touristy all along. :p

When they left, we continued exploring the place. Look what we found!!!

O, nasa Intramuros pa rin tayo ha? Pasig River lang yang nasa likod ko. Nice, right? You see, Philippines is a beautiful country with rich history and culture. It's always a great idea to go back to our history and find out the transitions that happened culminating into what we we all are now. :)

The question is, have we been any better? 

To cap it all off, I wouldn't leave without a photo with my crush Dr. Jose Rizal. Yes, I'm a fan and I don't care when they say that he doesn't deserve hero-hood because he didn't really fought a war in it's literal sense. Whatever, haters. He's still my hero. \m/

My brother and I wandered for roughly 3 hours but it was a fulfilling day for me! Alhamdulillah. Visiting Intramuros is one of my pre-review plans and, thank God, my brother visited me and willingly accompanied me in another one of my insane fits! :) 

I still have some unfulfilled pre-review plans but I guess, they won't materialize due to my Pedia Ward sched. ;'(

Born 29 weeks age of gestation (AOG).

Preterm infant under blue light phototherapy.

He clasped the tip of my finger as my heart broke over the huge probability of his non-survival. :'(

Photo taken using my iPod without any filter at all. 

Walking The Walk

The long Holy Week holidays compelled everyone to go on a vacation, but for me, it's more of a staycation. Hehe. I was on a postduty status yesterday and aside from sleeping more than half of the day, I spent it surfing the web and started reading Malika Oufkir's account on her life in the hands of the Moroccan Royalty (Stolen Lives). It's disgruntling that the only time we are supposed to be available is the time that almost ALL of the establishments in the metro are closed in observance of the holy week. Oh well. 

On the brighter side, this is, I guess, the only time that the metro calms down. No disgusting traffic and no nauseating crowd. Oh, how priceless serenity is. :) 

So, earlier this morning. I dragged my housemate Ate Sai to Roxas Boulevard for a morning walk. It felt like a ghost town indeed, although there are still few motorists on the road. Less carbon monoxide for our lungs. 

If not for the garbage thrown all over and the people living on the streets, this would have been a beautiful street. :'( 

Yachts at Harbour Square. 

Wearing my medschool jacket. Proud MSUan! :) 

We walked and walked from Pedro Gil to the stretch of Roxas Boulevard until we realized we were already at the CCP! Hahaha!! So many health buffs jogging or bicycling and enjoying the perfect morning sun. I miss jogging around the Iligan City Hall Complex where my housemates and I would come at least thrice a week in our desperate attempts to becoming healthy (and slim). The last time I jogged was before clerkship!!! Ages ago!! Wah!! This hospital duties really rips off our healthy lifestyle. Tee hee. Blamingtheweatherman. 

I wouldn't leave CCP without this ballerina statue photo. Remember this?  Haha. Future daughters, you got one crazy mom waiting for you here. Better start stretching your muscles now. :p 

Thank you soooo much Ate Sai for riding on with one of my few insane fits! :)

****
P.S.
Can't wait to go back home and jog around the MSU Grandstand Oval. :)