The Proposal

I kept mum about some things that quite affected me lately as manifested by the long slumber of this blog. I only got to share the emotional turmoil I mentioned in a previous entry to a very few people since it is something not worth sharing about. I've been thinking about posting this entry a million times already but it feels like I can't move on if I don't post this. Seriously, it's time wasting. So get ready for an episode of nausea. 

I do not understand why some Meranao parents get in a state of rush about getting their daughters "settled" right after earning a degree for themselves. Among the unfortunate ones, they're forced to tie the knot when they're few meters away from their educational success. For some, they're wedded right after passing their board exams. It's like a curse that when you finish schooling or when you have achieved something for yourself then you're already "open for bidding". You've suddenly ascended to that level where relatives talks about you and before you know it you've been matched to the "most eligible son" of this and that aunt/uncle or however you may call them. Probably because back in the day, only few women among the Meranaos were lucky enough to have an education hence it has become a tradition among us, Meranaos, that females MUST get married after earning a degree to prevent deviating from the norms.

There's also that fear of "spinstership" among parents. Any person who acquired an adequate knowledge learns to think sharply of the situation, weigh things and know his/her value as a person. Hence, the emergence of what they call "choosy" or "picky" women. This picky-ness has been the culprit of many "successful women" who chose to stay single for the rest of their lives. (And my mother has many examples to cite. Damn.) Now to prevent their daughters from the misery of spinstership, they arrange a marriage for them to the most "likeable" guy they could imagine for their (ironically, would-be miserable) daughter. Others follow the tradition in the name of "love and respect for parents", while for some, they try to defy and follow what is dictated by their hearts. 

Marriage is not something that one grabs when opportunity presents it only because you fear ending up as a single lady. Remember, it is a lifelong commitment. It is not like a mere boy-girl relationship that you can easily break when you fell out of love. Marriage is something that you can have your entire soul ready, something that down to your very last cell agrees. It must have a foundation of friendship and love, and it must bring acceptance, joy and happiness and not otherwise. I guess you know it when the right time comes, apparently, they just knew it. 

My mom insisted it is the right time as I turned 25. Marriage is not about age. Never. Being in the medical field, of course I ponder about the declining of the fecundity rate as a woman turns 30 and beyond, but hey, come on, I am only in my sizzling twenty fifth year! There's more fruitful five years yet to come before I start worrying about my reproductive health (and of my lovelife thereof). Marriage is something that is gazillion light years away from my mind. When I get to that point of wanting a lifetime partner for myself, I want to do it for the right reason at the right time with the right person. InshaAllah. :)

Come on people, there's more to life than getting married!!

Case closed, InshaAllah. :)

Cheers for the new year 2011!! Let's start chasing the marrow of this so-called LIFE! Heeeyaahh!! 

The Speech That Raised A Couple of Eyebrows

RESPECT FOR RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES: A KEY TO PEACE AND PROGRESS

Address by Dr. Asnawil G. Ronsing, Professor of Shari’ah, Mindanao State University, Marawi City.

Delivered at Baccalaureate Services, 46^th Commencement Exercises

Mindanao State University

Marawi City

December 8, 2010

            Audhobillahi minassaitanir rajeem. Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem. Alhamdulillahir Rabbil A’alamin, wassalatu wassalamu ala sayidina Muhammad, wa’ala alihi, wa ashabihi ajmain.

            Thank you Dr. Cosain Derico for the kind introduction; my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to the members of the committee on Baccalaureate Program: Ms. Hamsiya Alilaya, Alim Salic Manggis, Mr. Saripada Pacol, chaired by Dr. Cosain Derico, for your recommendation to invite me as speaker of this sacred Baccalaureate Service. My heartfelt thanks and gratitude also go to the Vice Chancellor for Academic Affairs, Dr. Zenaida Ababa for her endorsement, and to the MSU President, Dr. Macapado Abaton Muslim for his approval in giving me the honor to be the baccalaureate speaker of this sacred and grandeur service.

            Honorable members of the Board of Trustees of the Mindanao State University System; Honorable Dr. Macapado Muslim, President of the  Mindanao State University System; Vice Presidents, Vice Chancellors, Deans, Directors, other officials of the university,  beloved and honored baccalaureates, parents, friends of the university, ladies and gentlemen, assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh, and good morning.

            The theme of this 46^th Commencement Exercise is entitled: “MSU Graduates: Global Agent in Sustaining Academic Excellence, Peace and Development”. Consistent with this theme, I prepared a speech entitled: “Respect for Religious Differences: A Key to Peace and Progress”. As a speaker of the young and promising baccalaureates, the hope of our fatherland, I remembered my two friends when we were young like you, 34 years ago, who excellently demonstrated the title of my speech. Allow me to tell the story: these two friends were Christians namely Bertoldo Deloso from Surigao City and Ramonito Sanchez from Ozamis City. When we first met as roommates at room 51 north wing, Indarapatra Hall, they were freshmen and I was a junior. When I was about to graduate, they were sophomores. In the eve of my graduation day in 1978 inside our room, I saw them smiled at each other and then looking at me with smiles that lead to laughing. I asked why. They told me that for the past two years since we become roommates, they never taste pork out of respect to me who do not eat pork. Their names are still fresh in my memory as if it was yesterday despite of the 34 years lapse due to the excellent character exemplifying the respect for religious differences.

            Baccalaureates, remember that baccalaureate service is a religious sermon preceding the commencement exercise to remind you of your relationship with God, the Almighty. The Almighty God is the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. The Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful to all His creations including mankind. Out of His Mercy and Kindness, He guided mankind from the first man on earth until the last man on earth. He guided mankind to the righteous path in order for mankind to please God for mankind success in this world and in the life hereafter.

            Almighty God endowed man intellect and common sense in order for man to understand the existence and the sovereignty of God. The Holy Qur’an states to the effect: “The creation of the heavens and the earth are signs of (God) for those who understand”. The role of the perfect natural law that governs the nature is also a sign for the existence and power of God for those who reflect. Thus, the Deists believe in the existence of God, the power and sovereignty of God over the nature, without belief in the divine books and the prophets of God. They also exemplified an excellent morality as they also have two eyes, two ears, intelligence and common sense that guide them to distinguish between the two ways: the right and the wrong.

            Almighty God revealed His series of divine books and scriptures to mankind through His series of Prophets, peace be upon them all, as guidance and light (hudan wa nooron) in order to guide and enlighten mankind to the righteous way. Among the revealed divine books are: The Taurah or Torah also known as the Old Testament was revealed to Prophet Moses or Musa alaihi salam; The Injil also known as the Gospel or New Testament was revealed to Prophet Isa the son of Mary or Jesus Christ, alaihi salam; The Zabour also known as Psalms revealed to Prophet Daud or David alaihi salaam; and the Holy Qur’an was revealed to Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasalaam. Among the Prophets of God were Adam, Noah, Ibrahim, Ismael, Ishac, Ya’cob, Yusoph, Daud and Solaiman, Moses and Haroun, Isa the son of Mary or Jesus Christ and Muhammad, peace be upon them all. The divine books mentioned or divine guidance were exemplified, characterized and explained by the series of Prophets to mankind. They were consistent with each other; the latter revelation confirmed the previous revelations. All the books of God and all the Prophets called mankind to believe in the existence of God and His sovereignty over the creations.

            Almighty God has stated in the holy Qur’an: (Audhobillahi minassaitani rajeem)

            “Ya ayyohannas! Inna khalaqnakom min dhakari wa unta, wa ja alakom so oba wa kabail litaarafu, inna akramakom indhaollahi atkaakom.”

Meaning: “Oh mankind! Verily, I have created you from a single pair of male and female (Adam and Eve) and made you into nations and tribes so that you may understand each other, and the most honored of you in the sight of God are those who feared God.”

In another ayah, Almighty God said: “Wa min ayyatihi halaqa sama wati wal ardh, waktilafu al sinatukom, wa al wanikom, innafi jalika la ahyyati likaomi yatafakarron.”

Meaning:  “And among His signs are the creation of the heavens and the earth, the differences of your tongues (languages) and the differences of your colors (races) are signs for those who understand.”

It is part of God’s natural creation that He created us from a pair of male and female and made us into nations and tribes, with different languages, different races for the purpose of having understanding of one from another. Understanding connotes harmony, peace, cooperation, loving, caring, progress and development. The opposite of understanding is misunderstanding, disharmony, hatred, conflict, war and destruction. God created us not to hate each other but to love one another, not to envy each other but to appreciate each other, not to intrigue each other but to help and cooperate with each other.

It is also a part of Almighty God’s law that He guided mankind according to the revealed divine book or books revealed to a particular nation or nations. For example, the Jews are divinely guided by the divine books, among which are the Torah and Zabour, or the Old Testament and the Psalms revealed and explained by Prophets Moses and David, peace be upon them all. The Christians are divinely guided by the divine books and scriptures among which are the Old and the New Testaments and the Psalms revealed to Moses, Jesus and David; peace be upon them all. The Muslims are divinely guided by the Holy Qur’an revealed to Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasalaam.

The Holy Qur’an stated to the effect: “To each among you have we prescribed a law and an Open Way. If God had so willed, He would have made you a single people, but (His plan is) to test you in what He hath given you; so strive as in race in all virtues. The goal of you all is to God. It is He that will show you the truth of the matters in which you dispute.”

In another Qur’anic ayah: “Innal lazeena ‘aamanoo wallazeena haadoo was-Saabi’oona, wan-Nasaaraa man ‘aamana billaahi wal yawmil ‘Aakhiri wa ‘amil a saalihan falaa khawfun ‘alayhim wa laa hum yahzanoon” (Holy Qur’an, Surah 5: Verse 69)

Meaning: “Those who believe (in the Qur’an); Those who follow the Jewish (Scripture), and the Sabians and the Christians, any who believe in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.”

The foregoing ayah placed the Muslims, the Jewish, the Sabians and the Christians on equal footing in the sight of God, the Almighty. Any of them who believed in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

The principle of equality of man, religious freedom, separation of church and state adhered to by all civil law and common law countries is also consistent with the Islamic principle of religious tolerance: “Lakom diinokom walyadeen”. Meaning: “To you is your religion and to me is my religion”.

All the different world religious denominations, though of different modes of worship, the goal is the same – to worship God. The Christians go to the church to worship God, the Muslims go to the masjeed to worship God, the Jews go to the synagogue to worship God, the Buddhists and the Hindus go to the temple to worship God.

The common teachings of all monotheistic religions, among others are: calling people to worship God, calling people to understand, adjust, and harmonize, to love, care and cooperate towards common peace and progress.

Baccalaureates, a couple of hours from now, you will receive your degree through commencement exercise. You are endowed with sufficient knowledge and reasoning, backed-up by divine guidance: Divine Books and Holy Prophets. Thus, to sustain the global academic excellence, peace and development is in your hands.

To the Christians, be a very good Christian in accordance with The Holy Bible; to the Muslims, be a very good Muslim in accordance with the Holy Qur’an. All of you are among the most honored in the sight of God because you believe in God, you believe in the Life Hereafter, and you do righteous acts. You are the wonderful agents of peace and progress in Mindanao, in the Philippines and all over the world.

Again, congratulations! Wishing you the blessings of Almighty God, the Most Beneficent the Most Merciful.

Wassalamu’alaikom warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.   

A Girl

Because I'm in a huge emotional turmoil, I dug poems I used to read. This one I'd like to share.

A Girl

Ezra Pound

The tree has entered my hands, 

The sap has ascended my arms, 

The tree has grown in my breast- 

Downward, 

The branches grow out of me, like arms. 

Tree you are, 

Moss you are, 

You are violets with wind above them. 

A child - so high - you are, 

And all this is folly to the world.

I'm into something I'm not willing to share to the world yet. Something I've been dreading to happen. Something I'd rather DIE than get into it. Yes, I mean it. Better shoot me right between my eyes than force me into it. And I say that with fuming rage! I'm a little girl. I AM A LITTLE GIRL. Unknown to the world. There's a huge and brighter future awaiting me. InshaAllah. And if I am rushed and forced into this, it means terminating the life that hasn't started for me yet. I only hope the person concerned gets to read this and comprehend what I mean. Please? Please? And I pray to Allah to give me what is best for me. He, the Best Planner and Provider, the Master of the Universe and the Hereafter. 

Motion

Everyday is made up of a new day, a new scenario that necessitates quick thinking and actions.

Everyday moves in an animated kind of way. Fast and speedy.

And before you know it, the day ended preparing for another completely new one.

However, at the same setting. 

And then you take a momentary pause.

Halt.

All the products of the energetic day gradually crawls into your being, starting from your toes up to your knees and trunk and head. Like a disease moving in a caudalocephalic pattern.

Body malaise.

Brain exhaustion.

And you see the world move around you, people passing by you, as if everybody's in chase of something you're not involved with. They're in chase of the marrow of life yet you are stuck in a constant motion. You want to catch up but something's tugging and holding you back. You see people at the peak of conquering adventures, love and life. Yet here you are, looking up at them, patiently waiting for this constant motion to unleash you.

You know you need that release. In an uninhibited manner. Unbounded. Free. 

Sleep. You realize it's the solution.

But sleep doesn't seem to come.

Because tomorrow means avoidance of sleep. 

And you reckon, you cannot take that momentary halt. 

Or, you damage your brain secondary to excessive thinking.

And just admit the inevitable fact that you just have to wait.

Patience. 

Patience.

Patience.

Soon, it will all gush in. 

******

I MISS MY OLD LIFE. 

I MISS MYSELF.

I think I have turned into a whole new persona I cannot even recognize myself. 

Um, I think I said that before. Probably it just didn't sink in. 

The Stars Are Out Tonight

I have a fascination for the celestial bodies particularly the stars. When I look up in the night sky and see the glittering dots against the velvety black background, its stillness brings a feeling of serenity and calmness. It makes me realize how small I am compared to the wide universe. It makes me wonder what it is beyond all the celestial beings that my eyes are capable of reaching. What is it like being out there in the universe? What do those ball of fires contain? Are they really fire? Is it possible that there are human beings exactly like us existing on the opposite side of where our galaxy now is situated? Ah, the vastness of the universe allows me to think vastly too. Hence, the love for star gazing. I used to spread a mat or bed sheet on our roof top and just stare at the sky, pointing to the brightest star and declaring it as my star. I own it, I tell my siblings. I make wishes too and as I grew up, just like any ordinary teenager who get absorbed by reading books and watching romance flicks, I wished to be kissed under a night sky full of stars (erm, aside from my wish of being kissed under the Eiffel tower). I know its becoming a reality is next to impossibility, but who knows, right? Just like this good friend of mine who I star-gazed with last year. We were physically separate but we watched a meteor shower together that happened on November 18 of last year. Few days later, he gave me this:

I intentionally covered my name for confidential purposes of this blog (yeah right, LOL!) and left only the initial of his name for his own privacy. Although its authenticity is questionable, only for the purpose of fun, this  really touched my soul. It was somehow a wish come true. Someone named a star for me, oh boy, I was beaming! All I said was a demure "thank you", little did he know how much it meant to me. This entry is for him to know, if ever he accidentally find his way in this little niche of mine, how much I appreciated his little gesture. I wish him all the best in this lifetime. For the love of stars, Amen. :)

Round Up

The Telephone

When it rings, it brings silence to the entire quarters. Everyone's crossing their fingers as if they're wishing not to be the next on a firing squad. When they're not being called, you can see a clerk's eyes shine. When they're wanted, you can see a poker face marching out of the room. 

*******

I was disheartened by a patient's watcher's comment regarding a fellow Meranao doctor practicing in Marawi City. Apparently, this patient transferred to our facility here in Iligan City because they felt the doctor was incompetent. But the statement "kagiya a Meranao" (because Meranao) referring to that doctor infuriated me. Why? Is it because that doctor is a Meranao makes him incompetent? I hate people making comment and dragging the race, as if that watcher isn't a Meranao herself. That's the problem with people with crab mentality. I don't believe that that doctor they're referring to is incompetent, because no specialist isn't confident with his management. Each doctor who underwent training in a specific field and has earned his diplomate or fellowship has an excellent rationale in every step that he does. They, the patient and her watchers just didn't listen to his management because they didn't believe in him all because he's a Meranao...just like them. Urgh. The power of crab mentality. I cannot blame brilliant Meranaos who don't practice in their homeland. 

*******

I bumped into a friend along the hospital hallway whose father is undergoing twice a week hemodialysis due to renal failure. He was smiling while I was inquiring about his father's disease. He told me his father's okay now although he doesn't actually look okay. He's using a staff to aid his walking, a surgical mask for reverse isolation and his color is that of a person with renal disease. I forgot the medical term for that, something that looks like a mix of bronze and dark bluish, something like magenta. Anyway, the pain behind his sincere smile pierced through me. I so wanna hug him tight if not only for a plenty of audience scattered all over. I cannot imagine the pain when you know that a loved one is undergoing a painful terminal disease and that anytime, he can be taken away. I admire family members who stay beside a loved one who is sick, that's so stressfull---emotionally and financially draining. But that's the beauty of family and that's the true meaning of "staying through thick and thin".  I pray for his father's early recovery (I believe in miracles) and I pray for good health for everyone especially for my family. 

*******

The Staple Food

Thank you Jollibee for providing us our un-healthy meals especially during Saturdays when the hospital canteen is closed. I've gained a significant amount of weight all throughout my Pedia rotation. I can't seem to fit in my uniforms. I hate feeling this way but I loooovvee eating. So much.

*******

And lastly, I've been fantasizing about this man the entire week. Okay, I lied. For more than a year now. :D

Biente Cinco

How can one person forget about his OWN birthday?

So it just happened to me. I totally went oblivious of the day when I should stop counting my age. Thanks to good friends who cannot forget my day, their SMS reminded me the moment the clock hand strike 12 mn. My mind was far from anticipating my birthday  due to the obvious busy-ness of my so-called life that time seemed to slip by unnoticed. I didn't even plan a birthday dinner/lunch like I used to. No fireworks, no bouquets, no harana, no birthday cake, nothing. I was at the hospital on the midnight of November 6, waiting to catch an infant  from her mother. I was particularly at the NICU partying with these cute little angels. :)

I totally didn't expect anybody to remember my day. I myself forgot about it, much more other people. However, there are certain people who unexpectedly remembered my day and it doesn't matter if FB did some little contribution. Special mention goes to Dr. FNC, the first person to send me a birthday greeting through SMS. He was the one who made me aware of my birthday. I was sitting at the NICU when I received his text and in an instant, I felt Cinderella-like when I turned my head on the wall clock the moment it strike 12 midnight. Haha!! Tsk, no prince charming for me though. Next, is my buddy co-mean clerk (you wouldn't want to imagine how mean we can get when the four of us, TP, SB and JEL are together!!), who exerted maximal effort in preparing a tray of sweets for me that greeted my morning. So sweet of her. :)

I saved the SNICKERS for myself and shared the rest to those who haven't had their breakfast yet.

And then everybody chorused a happy birthday song for me at the quarters. Hence, I felt obliged to buy a gallon of ice cream. Hahahah!! Kidding!!

Double Dutch and Very Rocky Road and COLGATE flavored Ice Cream. Perfect for a minty day!!

Uy sandali, kantahan niyo muna ako!!! Birthday ko kaya!!

Self-timer. Ignore the abubots. 

Some Pedia residents shared the day with me. Thank you Doc M for the little gift. :)

Biente Cinco. Twenty Five. Mid-twenties.

What is expected of you when you reach this age?

I don't know.

We live in a society that one's age is associated with his accomplishments, and I am guilty of belonging to those people who measure their lives by the achievements they acquired at a certain age. I am in fact a year lagging because I estimated to graduate from medicine at 24, hence, I should be on my internship now but somewhere along the road I faltered. And at 25, there are so many things I am learning that I should have learned before. Things I should have done or experienced before but I didn't have the courage to do so. However, it doesn't matter to me at all. The important thing is I have goals I am determined to reach at a certain age. In God's time, InshaAllah.


And oh, look whose birthday is two days ahead of mine? My very boyfriend Choi Seung Hyun!!

Happy Birthday, too, LOVE! :) 

Big Time

Whatever I will be in the future, I want:

1. No make-up look (as opposed to the photo below). A radiant skin and a glowing smile are enough to be called beautiful. That, if you have the confidence. The thing is, I hate being self-conscious whenever I dab some make-up on. I cannot freely rub my eyes because of fear my eyeliner, eyeshadow or mascara might wear off resulting to  raccoon-eyes. That heavy feeling on the face. Ugh. Hence, I stopped putting on since the start of clerkship and I feel lighter. And I noticed, most doctors I met don't wear any makeup AT ALL and boy, how pretty are they. 

2. Simple but expensive wardrobe. Harhar. Yeah, I wanna keep it simple but I'm gonna make sure they're not bought  from just anywhere. I don't like too much bling-blings too. Few accessories are enough. When you're already a Somebody, you don't need too much statement to attract attention. Your presence already does. *winks*

I particularly like this look: simple, elegant and glamorous. I'm beginning to imagine myself in this suit!!

3. I'd repeat it over and over again. I want to travel to see the world, expand my horizon, see for myself what was just printed on books or seen in the movies, learn cultures, taste new foods and meet new people. Other than Asian countries, I want to see the Eiffel Tower for myself. There's plenty of historical sites in the world that deserves more praising but The Eiffel really charmed me---the sturdy foundation, the lofty height and history itself.

4. Books. I never told my mom yet, but I want a bookshelf for a wall. Get the picture? Imagine a bed in the middle of a library. That's how I want my room to be like. :D 

I didn't include a house or a car in my list because seriously, they're not on my priority list. They're things that I need not buy for myself. You know what I mean. :))

How about you, when you become A Real Freakin' Big Time, what do you want?

The Becoming

"Why do you want to become a doctor?"

This is an essential and vital question being asked upon entering med school. I remember sticking to my truthful answer: because it's my lifelong dream. I may haven't known the rough road towards reaching it, all I know at that present moment was how much I wanted to become one. I didn't said anything heroic like helping the community or to become rich to help my family (because certainly, one doesn't get rich in the medical profession), or making the world a better place. Frankly, those were never my intentions. Being not a member of The Social Liability Club is already a contribution in making this world a better place, at least for me. Sure I do know that taking med school seriously means reading and re-reading mountain loads of medical books and locking yourself away from the wordly things, but I never had an inkling as to how the clinics go. Sure we were told that being on call means stopping whatever you're doing, including sex, and attend to patients. Easier said than done, eh? Now I have a hard time staying awake and pushing myself to the ER when an admission comes. It occurred to me how naive I was about a real doctor's life---how much time he sacrifices for his profession. The responsibilities a doctor is shouldering---to the humanity, to his colleagues and to medicine itself. During my me-times, I cannot help but wonder. Had I known the difficulty of going into the clinics, the hurly-burly world that is embedded in the medical profession, would I plunge into this? I probably would have considered another profession. But what?

I don't wonder why many doctors opted to become single for life. If one doesn't perfect the art of time management, then he shall choose between his profession and his personal life (read: getting married and having children). And most toughies I know opted the former. Honing a doctor's skills requires a long time, you don't stop when you earn your license. Being just a mere general practitioner puts you in the lowermost rank in the medical world. The only difference you have with a clerk or an intern is a piece of paper called license. You still have to undergo years and years of training to acquire that great status of being on the top hierarchy--- consultant. And when you become one, you realize how much personal time you've missed. 

I cannot think of anything that suits me best. I loved what I'm doing from the very beginning. But probably when all the energy and physical strength are exhausted and being put under too much pressure, it gets the best of us and we wanted to evaporate from the current boiling situation. At the end of the day, being a doctor is my cup of tea. This is my first love and we don't get easily unattached from our first love, right? If I haven't had the concrete answer on that very first question asked when I entered med school, probably  I can picture out everything in place now that I am towards the finish line. I want to make a difference. And plunging  into the medical profession, no matter how hard it seems, is my own way of achieving that difference I wanted. :) 

P.S.

I'm seriously in-love with Pediatrics I feel bad that we only have two weeks left in the department. :(

[ai-sha]

This is the best music video with the best lyrics from the most gorgeous band. EVER. :)

Hi, I'm Aisha.

Now you know why. :)

Also, Isam Bachiri is one of the most handsome men walking on earth. :)

*swoons*

All Things Hearty

I discovered all these photos through her blog, which are actually from here. We're four months away from the love month but I just feel like sharing. :)

FLING. That school crush that makes you smile every time he passes by. So highschool-ish but one of my fondest memories ever. 

It's heartwarming seeing people in-love. I just don't fit in that picture. 

Probably because that person hasn't come into existence in my life yet. Only God knows when. LOL. In other words, ipinapasadiyos ko na.

It never really began. But it happened. Case closed. 

Now here, I can perfectly put myself into. But, it's over now. 

From that, I learned. 

P.S. 

Drunken Fontanelles

In the newborn physical examination sheet, I described the infant's anterior and posterior fontanelles as "neither sunken nor drunk  bulging". I doubt if any pediatrician could imagine how a drunken fontanelles look like. But a drunken clerk? Certainly they can. Yakult-drunken clerk. 

I learned today:

Acronyms/shortcuts must not be used in writing orders. For instance: BF with AP which means breastfeeding with aspiration precautions can also mean breastfeeding with attending physician, or the more obvious, boyfriend with attending physician. LMAO. 

Day Off

Everybody in my circle of friends (and family members too) outside the med world knows how difficult it is for someone like me to have a "real good time". You know, that laid back afternoon without thinking of anything hospital or school-related. Going out and chit-chatting without chasing the time, forgetting about getting up as early as 5:30 am the next day to be able to catch the morning rounds. Oh, that laid-back and relaxed life. After 2 weeks of rotating in the Pedia ER, OPD and Ward, I started my one-week NICU rotation last Monday and boy, was it helluva week!! I have been the most toxic(-est), yes, with all that superlatives, NICU clerk in the entire Class of 2011. Or so I think? But nobody among my classmates have experienced yet what I have been through. It's the childbirth peak season because counting back to their age of gestations, these kids were most probably made during the winter days---DECEMBER. Now I must admit, I'm a NICU patient magnet. :( I had the most number of admissions, most number of CS babies, most number of neonatal resuscitations, most number of preterm/pathologic babies, I also have babies with Down syndrome (I have two) and another one with Apert syndrome. And oh, I also have outborn cases: neonatal pneumonia, probable Hirschsprung disease, hemorrhagic disease of the newborn (na may pakapin na cephalhematoma), neonate with clavicular and ulnar fracture secondary to birth trauma (I'm contemplating of brachial plexus palsy for this patient). Considering I'm the ONLY NICU clerk, figure out how I try to make both ends meet. Chasing after mothers' pregnancy history and babies' physical examinations including Ballard scoring, left and right referrals in addition to hide-and-seeking game with the residents. I can only laugh. Yes, laugh. Delving into self-pity won't help so better laugh it off. 

Baby boy Manoza. It was love at first sight!!

Since today is a Saturday, we're only to spend half-day of duty. I feel like a bird freed from a cage, literally. Carrying my "luggage" (bags filled with scrub suits, books and essentials of a clerk from a 24-hour duty), I went to a parlor to pamper my overworked nails. After a little while, my phone rang. It was Bit-bit, my highschool friend who's from Saudi and is on a vacation. She asked if I have a vacant time to go out with some of our other friends for a late lunchdate. My eyes sprung out of its socket and I immediately affirmed. I changed from my worn out and stinky uniform to a more appropriate wardrobe and off I went. I terribly miss my girlfriends.

At Fontina with Sham, Bit, Soh and Timos. Great food, great company.

Bit. We've been friends for more than a decade now. 

Goodies from Bit, all the way from KSA. Prayer mat and hijab. Thanks girl!!

Great things occur during ordinary days. We don't know what happens next so it's important to cherish every single moment of our lives even it feels like hell. Sooner or later, hell days will be gone and will replaced with heavenly days. Just endure it with grace and calm, it will soon pay off. InshaAllah. :)

A Dose of PFC

Six full months glided by unnoticed. Having finished two clinical rotations (surgery and OB-GYN) and community medicine, we're halfway to finishing medical clerkship!! Whoah! Another blink of an eye and we're done, InshaAllah. Clerkship is not just about learning the disease processes in actual setting, for me, it is more about learning to mingle, adjust and deal with all different kinds of people. For the first three years of med school, we are mostly confined in the four corners of the room discussing what is it out there in the hospitals. Reading and re-reading our books alone and an occasional glimpse of patients. Until clerkship officially started, we wouldn't know what it is really like out there. It is a harsh environment, I tell you, and three full years in med school is not sufficient enough to get fully prepared of what's to come. As if everyone is awaiting, possessing that urgent desire to grill and roll you in the dust. However, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We emerged  unscathed. Alhamdulillah. For the past six months, clerkship taught me to cultivate three important traits.

PATIENCE

All my life I believed that I was patient enough to handle all kinds of pressure blowing from all varieties of people I stumble upon. I believed I was well-adjusted and pliant enough. Until all the physical and intellectual fatigue accumulated, I felt like bursting, screaming, ranting and weeping like a baby. I was at the brink of deterioration. I blamed some undesirable people who unjustifiably wanting to make our lives miserable as a form of revenge of what might take place in the future. Knowing that outrageous actions won't help which might even contribute to some demerits, the best thing to do is holding back the tongue to avoid nasty, irrevocable words. Calm down and ask for guidance to the Almighty to help you think the next best thing to do. 

FAITH

Every single day in the hospital is an unexpected and unplanned scenario. Nobody knows what's gonna happen next, no options are presented but quick actions and equanimity are required. One has to trust his instinct and just have faith that everything's gonna be okay. With faith, that feeling at the end of the day as you go out of the hospital premises without toxic patient left in the ward, or without ER or ward death at your 24-hour watch is superb!!

COMPASSION

ALL patients--rich or poor--share something in common: pain. They're not whiny attention-seeker brats but are in great need to relieve discomfort they're feeling. And if there's another thing I understand, watchers are not getting any OA but they're somebody's loved ones who care utterly and would entirely give anything to free their dearest from the pain. To be able to manage a patient effectively, one has to put himself in the patient's shoes. The way you want to completely relieve your discomfort is exactly the way your patient does want it.

For the next six months, I pray that I may apply these things I learned about myself as well as apply and master the medical theories I have learned and will continue to be learning. I also pray that the relationship I have with the people around me will continue to be healthy and constructive rather than destructive. I am trying to make my everyday life in the hospital a fun and memorable learning experience so that one day, as I look back, residual happy memories that paints a beautiful smile will come flashing on my mind. 

REALIZATION: We're halfway through clinical clerkship!! Alhamdulillah. Pediatrics, Internal Medicine and Ancillary then we're done. Six more months to go!!

Pintados

Last night, my friends and I decided to go to Mugna for the last stretch of our Community Medicine rotation as we will be plunging into the hospital officially starting on Monday for Pediatrics. Mugna is a mini-carnival set up only during the Dinagyang Festival here in Iligan City which will be on the last week of September. All throughout my med school years here in this city, I've never involved myself for the fiesta. Most likely because I used to lock myself in my room and take advantage of the spare time to advance on my readings. Talk about not having a life. Now this time, before I leave the portals of this city I thought of experiencing things that I can reminisce when the batch reunion comes. There's so many things one can see at Mugna, there are ukay-ukay and DVD shops, the rides (er, not the EK or Disney-type rides you were imagining), some carnival games like shooting and toss-a-coin, illusion make-believes (which we figured right then and there was all mirror tricks!!), food stands (read: balut and mani), and lovers smooching around. Mugna is a place to satisfy our shallow alter-egos. Since I want something that will remind me of last night, I had my dorsal foot impulsively painted with henna tattoo!! 

This is the wild child in me talking!! Yeah, I do crazy stuff like having my upper ear lobe pierced only because my Taiwanese pop star crush has many piercings!! Which reminds me of him when we were making our scrapbook and found a photo of him in one of the pages of a magazine dated seven years ago. I can't help but cut it out and paste it near my photo. I hope my groupmates didn't notice!! Harhar!!

KEN ZHU!! I haven't had an update about him for ages!!

This is my most favorite page in our ComMed scrapbook. I love its sunshiny and balloon theme!! Of course, I made it. Heehee. :)

Goodbye Community Medicine. You've taught us unity, cooperation, patience, compassion and you've strengthened and deepened the friendship among the group. Our two-month immersion is an unforgettable one. Thank you, Purok 6 Tambacan for playing a significant role in our med school years. :)

Group Four Clerks at the Brgy. Tambacan Health Center

The Roads Less Traveled

I believe each and every person has a dream career. Others maybe fortunate to be living their dreams, some are still trudging the rough road towards it, while others may still be under the tree dreaming and waiting until the fruit falls effortlessly straight into his mouth. I belong to the second category hopeful that in a few hundred days, I'd be on the first category poking stethoscope and doling out meds. However, I have secret dream careers that made me that person described in the third category. I only dream about it because doing something to make it into a reality is ridiculous. Nevertheless, I don't lose hope and truth be told, the images of me doing these things won't stop flashing over and over in my mind. :)

1. A Travel Show Host 

Photo courtesy of Google. This is the heading of ABS-CBN's travel show.

How marvelous it is to be traveling with an all-expense paid trip!! It wouldn't feel like working plus you get to see spectacular sights, taste saliva-inducing foods, experience staying at some five-star hotels, enjoy the luxury of being treated as VIP and of course being enviably seen on TV all for free!! Haha! I know it's not gonna happen to me, UNLESS, I'll launch my own travel show. Which means, I'm gonna be the one to pay for everything!! Argh, not a good idea.

2. A Model

Photo courtesy of stylecovered.com

This probably must have resulted from too much reading teen magazines way back high school 'til undergrad and now fashion blogs. Now, getting thin seems like an impossible dream for me including growing a few inches taller too. Ouch. But I love looking at muslim fashion blogs like that photo above. It reflects that modeling and fashion is not all about showing too much skin. Perhaps, if I take my dieting seriously then I can create my own fashion blog too which might launch me a career!! Haha! Find that ridiculous? Yeah, me too. But hey!! That kinda ignites an idea in here.

How about you, if you're allowed to take a slight detour, what would that be?

The Swan

One of my childhood fascination was ballet. I loved how ballet dancers gracefully move their body like a perfect swan. With every turn of their body, swaying of their arms, and the stretching of their legs all the way to their toes brings admiration to my feisty eyes. The ballerina's slim and slender figure which perfectly fits their outfit adds to my adoration. Like any fantasizing little girl, I wanted to be like them. However being a Muslim in a Meranao society, that is outrageous and I knew it will never come true. But I'd be very honest to say that I still dream about it. Probably I will never become one as my bones hardened already, with every turn and twist might cause me fracture but my future little girls can have all the chance to dance ballet as long as their hearts are into it. And I would be very happy to accompany them to their rehearsals and performances. :)

Photo courtesy of google.com.